the tides have changed.

and i feel like i'm ready.

a lot more ready than i was before, anyway.

mind you, my happiness does not depend on it.

i do not need one to be happy/complete/fulfilled.

i just feel like i'm ready.

may whatever happen, happen.

*under God's direction please.

and if it doesn't happen for a while,

then i'll be using that time to make the best of myself.

and prepare.

*on another note:

went up to PUC for this memorial day wknd. :)

it was most DEF. a trip worthwhile.

good company & good memories, for sure.

the only downside: i spent a LOT of money. :((((

plane ticket + food + misc. activities.

*sigh. can't do that for a while.

hope this dead wk + finals wk goes well.

gotta finish unpacking my stuff then i have to go study.

or sleep & wake up early then study.

we'll roll with it. :)

g'night world! good luck on finals!

or enjoy your summer vacation!

whichever works. :)

a phone call from a friend.

INBOX

From: j___ w_______

1:29 a.m.

"up?"

who would have known that that text msg would've led to a phone call that would change me and challenge me in a very significant way?

i wish i could write down all of my thoughts from last night and this morning regarding that conversation, but i can't for 2 reasons: 1) there are just TOO many. it would take forever to write them down. 2) i have to go to class in 20 min. x]

but jcw? i want to thank you for what you said last night.

it really made a difference, probably more than you realize.

no, it didn't make me feel good.

in fact, i still don't feel good.

but i needed it.

and believe it or not,

but i gained a HUGE spiritual truth from it.

thanks. :)

*huge hug*

dear gps,

you are not who i thought you were.

and, in this case,

that's a REALLY good thing. :)

i am so proud of you. :)

i'm really excited for this next year!

to First Service attendees:

we are gonna work really hard the '10-'11 school year.

it'll be good.

:))

God, bless our efforts.

may we honor You

and make You proud of us.

amen.

above all things.

guard your heart.

for it is the wellspring of life.

eyes are tired.

g'night world.

freewrite.

"when i go to a photo exhibit, look at photographer's blogs and websites, or look at others' photoshop works, inspiration overwhelms me like a crashing wave envelops an amateur surfer."

^freewrite for ENGL 113 on inspiration.

tell me, what inspires you?

qpweorijalskdjfkqpwoeirj.

i'm not gonna fight for you.

i'm not gonna compete with her.

&i'm not gonna compare myself to her.

AGHHHHH this is such a bust.

off to study for a chem test tomorow

+ write my English paper.

both of which will take me forever.

wish me luck?

=/

words of wisdom:

"don't fall into the trap of the __do_____n charm!"

-chelsea wee.

life lesson.

stifling a REALLY hard laugh hurts your chest.

a LOT.

don't do it.

inspiration.

it's like a breath of fresh air.

inspiration came whizzing in today.

MAN, it felt good.

i haven't felt inspired in a long time.

yesterday, i was talking with my english teacher about my paper.

and she was talking about how when people get writer's block,

they need to get away for a little bit and spend time

with the thing that inspires them.

while she was talking, i was thinking,

"photography usually inspires me.

but it hasn't lately."

today, i came across someone's photography website.

BEAUTIFUL pictures that made me wish i didn't have

to worry about studying & school work.

i'd be taking pictures.

also today, i visited the brandstater gallery.

it was featuring a grad student's work.

all photography and graphic design stuff.

now THAT was a true breath of fresh air.

ideas started pouring in, left and right.

it made me excited again.

that was a good feeling. :)

here're a few snippets from the gallery exhibit:

*happy sigh.

if that doesn't inspire you, i don't know what does. :)

dear jph,

thank you for making me mad that one day.

idk how or why...

but our argument

(or at least me being upset at you)

taught me a lot.

i learned a lot about what goes into an argument.

what measures need to be taken on both sides.

how to pick and choose my battles.

i've changed how i talk to people when i'm upset at them.

and how i deal with things when we're working them out.

you probably don't know this about me,

but i HATE confronting people.

i used to avoid it at all costs.

so a lot of times, when i'm upset, i'll just downplay my feelings.

but being able to be completely honest with you

and learning to lay out my side so that you understood

did lengths for me.

so thank you.

i owe you one.