Thursday, December 31, 2009

animal crackers, frames, & sushi.

these past 2 days...shoot, this whole week, has been really good. i've needed it. :))

yesterday...
+ mission. watched the guys play basketball. tried shooting a few hoops myself. i STINK. i either overshoot, or don't arch enough, or...heh yeah. i never claimed to be good at basketball, so it's okay. x]
+ sat down on the bench & talked w/ nic for..probably...almost an hour or so. it was really cool..i've never sat down & talked w/ him before.
+ went back to the mins' so that they could take a shower
+ waited for john to come over
+ picked up chris
+ citrus plaza to return dinner party stuff...w/ a few pit stops. x]
-target
-world market
-b&n/michaels
+ walmart
+ back to mins' for dinner. auntie made REALLY good salmon. mmm. :) toasted some toron. melted Dove dark chocolate w/ a makeshift double boiler & made chocolate-dipped animal crackers & bananas. :))))

ik about to have my period when i start getting really hungry & eat a lot. sometimes i have INTENSE cravings for stuff...but they'll jump around a lot. yesterday i was craving chocolate really bad..or a chocolate dessert, but i wasn't sure what. i dragged all the guys everywhere trying to find the perfect chocolate. didn't find it. =/ but the chocolate-dipped animal crackers & bananas were PERFECT! :) funny, cause earlier that day i was craving chocolate-dipped stuff. :)

today...
+ really wanted to go out & take umbrella portraits. a few minutes later, steven txtd me, saying that he wanted to go find a new photo spot. perfect! :)
+ met up w/ him & andrew lloren.
+ went to the oriental market to buy a few more cheap, solid, bright-colored umbrellas. didn't find any. =/
+ had a HUGE craving for ube bread/pan de ube.
+ asked andrew if we could go to tung hing.
+ on the way there, i no longer craved oriental desserts, so i said we could just go to the 99cent store to find umbrellas.
+ andrew made a huge u-turn & went back to the way that we came from. x]
+ on the way to the 99 cent store, developed a huge craving for in-n-out.
+ 99 cent store = fail.
+ craving changed to sushi/udon soup.
+ dropped by goodwill. found photo frames for $3.99/ea. bought 3! :) made my day.
+ found a PERFECT photo spot on the side of the road. :) made my day again. spent quite a bit of time there.
+ miyagi for dinner. all-you-can-eat sushi. :)) ambyr + jeff fry came too. MMM i ate well! :) tiger roll = yum yum. :) + their udon noodle was better than last time.
+ walmart w/ ambyr & steven to buy spray paint for me, yu-GAY-oh cards for steven. -_________- *props to ambyr for the name.
+ dropped off steven.
+ target w/ ambyr. bought my perfect chocolate! perfect for several reasons: 1) lindor truffles...smooth filling in the middle 2) dark chocolate 3) peppermint 4) they were on SALE! $1.47/bag instead of the regular $3-something.

ah what a perfect day. :)
currently reviewing pictures from today & watching monsters vs. aliens w/ my family. :)

thank you, God, for these moments. i truly cherish & appreciate them to the fullest. :)

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

focus on the good, ashlee, focus on the good.

QWPEORIJASDL;FKAJSFIQOWEJRFLAKSDFJ;QIEOFJALSDJ
you seriously frustrate me.
i am so confused.
why is it that when i want to be friends w/ you, you don't talk to me.
but when i couldn't care less about you, you all of a sudden decide to strike up conversations w/ me?
ARRRRRGGGGH.
you're a little late for that..
i'm listening to happy music right now to distract from the feelings that are currently bothering me.

anyways.
i am glowing with happiness from the success of tonight!
friends + family = my joy. :)
ambyr made an innocent comment about throwing a dinner party, & from that spurned many ideas & planning that led to tonight. :) *happy sigh* oh man, tonight was SO enjoyable. :)))) i'm really glad that our parents met & that they got to enjoy being served by all of us kids. :)

MENU:
appetizers:
+ spinach & artichoke dip
+ tuna cream cheese spread
(both with a choice of pita chips or baked baguettes)

salad:
+ spring mix with craisins, feta cheese, homemade candied pecans, & raspberry vinaigrette

soup:
+ minestrone (kidney beans, green beans, corn, tomatoes, celery, carrots, elbow macaroni, & parmesan cheese for garnish)

main course:
+ baked chicken strips
+ fettuccine noodles w/ sauteed mushrooms, spinach, & sun-dried tomatoes

desserts:
+ fruit trifle (pound cake w/ custard, blueberries, strawberries, mandarin oranges, & kiwis)
+ filipino fruit salad
+ cookie pops (party favors)

beverages:
+ iced water
+ fresh lemonade
+ assortment of hawaiian teas (yes, actually shipped from hawaii!)
+ hot chocolate
+ martinelli's (for a toast)

i am so happy that the parents liked the table set-up and the food. :))) we worked so hard...picking what to serve, shopping for groceries, decorating, cleaning my house, & so much more. i'm actually really proud of all of us. & i don't mean to make myself sound good in any way at all (PLEASE understand), but i'm really proud of myself...bc i surprised myself. i didn't think that i could do that. but i PROVED something to myself today. do you know how good it feels to not think that you can do something, but attempt it anyways, & then realize that you're actually capable of doing it??? it feels pretty darn GOOD...& for others to recognize it is even better.

i have to say, though, that NONE of this was possible without God. i asked Him for inspiration, for a peace of mind, for a good turnout, & for all of this to glorify Him. all of the credit goes to Him. He's pretty amazing. :)

so this is how it went...

last night, people were at my house to help set up. the first ones came at 5pm, as planned, & the last ones didn't leave til around 11:45 pm. we set up, designed, & decorated the tables, prepared the appetizers, created a playlist to run during dinner so that there wasn't awkward silence, & steven made his desserts.

today, ambyr was the first one to come. i asked her to come at 2:30pm. then came andrew lloren + matt, then steven & the mins, then amanda. we cleaned the house, washed a bunch of dishes, set up the hot water dispenser, & cooked the rest of the food (i don't need to bore you with all of the details). while some of us were cooking (mostly us girls), the guys were working on their stuff. andrew lloren was working on a slideshow video, jon min was designing a guest list, & steven was creating a menu. it was really interesting how we all utilized our talents in one way or another tonight.

when the parents came in, they went to the living room, talked, & signed the guest list that jon made. when all of the expected parents came, we directed them to the appetizer table & dining room. after grace, soup was served, then salad. when we finished the pasta, we set it in the hot catering dishes & asked everyone to help themselves. then came dessert, a toast to the parents, andrew's slideshow/video :)), presentation of the "bill" ;), a huge group prayer, group photos, & clean up.

my personal fb thank-you's:
+ jon min:

JON MIN. :))))) thank you so much for making the guest list & "bill" on the spot tonight. you are quite amazing! i really appreciate you pulling that together last-minute. the parents loved it! & i especially loved the "paied" part. ;) YOU DA BEST!

*i forgot to say this, but jon, thanks for being wiling to help in those little moments...like when you volunteered to cut the parsley for me. i really appreciated when you said things like "ashlee, let me do that for you!" you're such a sweet boy. i'm glad we're friends. :)

+ nic min:

nic min! :))) thank you so much for sleeping today while we were preparing..."slacker!" ;) kidding. :) thank you for everything else that you did, including cooking the garlic butter sauce...i didn't even have time to think about that w/ everything else. you don't understand how sincerely thankful i am that you, ambyr, & everyone else took care of that. & thank you for dressing like a waiter today! hehehe. PERFECT. :)


+ steven debulgado:

-________- steven -________- michael. thanks for singing OUT LOUD tonight & embarrassing me in front of all the neighbors. i had to apologize to everyone & pretend that i didn't know you. -_________- (what did i say about singing in public??? you're not at home, silly...) anyways, thank you so much for making the desserts for tonight. everyone really liked them. :)))) & thank you so much for making the menu on the spot! regardless of what you say or think, i really liked them. :) you're amazing..thank you! :)


+ ambyr peacock:

my dear suelynn. :))))) we've already said this so many times to each other, but i am seriously SO happy w/ tonight. :)) i'm super happy, not only cause it was a lot of fun & the parents were happy :), but bc we proved something today...today i found out that we really can pull off something like that. i wasn't too sure in the beginning, but we proved my mom wrong & we proved ourselves wrong..it's seriously an amazing feeling! my mom wanted to thank you for being so helpful..especially in cleaning the dishes. she really appreciated how you always asked her if there was something else that needed to be cleaned, even though you had already done SO much. she loves you. :) but then again, who can't? ;) & of course, thank you for even coming up w/ the idea for tonight! i had SO much fun. :))) you have good things inside that mind of yours. ;) i love you SO MUCH. :)))


+ amanda zabala:

ITU MANDA. :) thank you so much for everything that you did tonight. :)) thank you for bringing the much-needed martinelli's, for helping serve & prepare the food, & for helping clean up. my mom commented on how helpful you were & how much she appreciated your willingness to help. you sweet thang, you. :) she really wished that she could've said hi to your mom tonight. :( next time, yes?! :)) oh btw, YES you should get a skype. :) it's pretty handy. hehehe. :) i love you, itu! thank you so much for everything! *including looking pretty & just being eye-candy. ;)


+ matt frias:

"machchew!" :) thank you so much for all of your help & everything that you did to contribute to tonight...from prepping the utensils & napkins, to chopping the vegetables, to doing anything & everything that i needed help with. oh! & thank you for starting off the night right by blessing the meal as well. :)) i could tell that the parents enjoyed everything tonight...& we got quite a few compliments. :)) you're amazing, matt. thank you for everything!


*for pictures, see steven, jon min, & andrew lloren's fb. :)


*happy sigh* it's done.

WE DID IT! :)

Monday, December 28, 2009

excitement!

tomorrow's the big day: we're actually hosting a dinner party for our parents! :))) unfortunately, the parent RSVPs weren't as high as we wanted...we're only serving around 13...maybe 11 if amanda's parents don't come. :( but i'm so glad that it's ACTUALLY happening. all of our planning & brainstorming is going to be put into action in just a matter of hours! AH i can't contain my excitement! i love having people over at our house. :))

but along with that, i also love the moments leading up to a big event...all the quality time spent with people planning & preparing. :) suelynn, we've planned, shopped, and driven around town for MANY hours, & they've all been really enjoyable. :)) sometimes frustrating...like w/ the green beans & parmesan cheese (note to the world: go to trader joe's...not stater brothers for fresh parmesan cheese and raspberry vinaigrette), but overall, it's been REALLY fun. :) i'm so glad that we got away with buying the stuff at costco! *wipes sweat off forehead..WHEW! :)

it was really interesting observing all of us tonight in the kitchen during the late hours & realizing that, if we all lived together, that is exactly what life would be like...steven would cook for us (mwahaha.......ambyr & i would......."cook" x]) then we'd all take turns washing, drying, & putting away dishes while shuffling songs on itunes & just talking about life. :) i think that's why i enjoyed campout so much senior year...there were parallels to tonight.

*happy sigh* i am really pleased with life at the moment. thank you God. i thank you & praise you for all of my friends & the times that we can spend together...& that even though some of us are far from each other & sometimes we lose touch, it's WONDERFUL when everyone comes back home. thank You for the opportunity that our families will have to spend time together tomorrow! please, Father, let our dinner party honor & glorify You. may we make You proud of us. :)
i love You, Daddy. :)

*ps. please be with sanga who's on the other side of the world with her family & can't join us tomorrow. please keep her safe, bless her family, & remind her that her "family" at home misses her & loves her. :)

goodnight world!
need to wake up early tomorrow to clean house! :)

Sunday, December 27, 2009

something happy. :)

went snowboarding today! for the first time in YEARS. left really late, but still had fun in the end. :)
thank you jon min for being patient with me. you're amazing!
good job steven! didn't do as bad as we thought you'd do. ;)
jj, you did really well, as always. i'm proud of you, bro. :)
caitlin: sorry that we didn't get to board for as long as we wanted. :(( i hope you still had fun though.
the rest of the debulgado boys/men: hope you guys had fun today! good job to all of you. :)

something that i've really learned to appreciate is the way that my mom always has food ready for my friends & i when we come back from an event. it's so comforting. my mom's amazing. :)

tomorrow is prep for the dinner party for our parents. we're gonna start cooking food, setting up tables, arranging decorations, putting together utensil placements...i am so excited! :)

happiness feels so good. :)

Friday, December 25, 2009

not again.

every time i come here to write, i haven't been happy.
i was just about to write another entry...
yet again about something that's eating at me.

but i want to choose not to focus on that. :)
for several reasons:
1) it's christmas.
2) it's been way too long.
3) i deserve to be happy.
bottom line: the only one in this whole situation that's hurting is me. everyone else is doing fine, but i'm not fully letting go, so i'm the only one being hurt. that's pretty ridiculous huh? i thought so too. :)



God,

please, fill that spot in my heart until it's ready. let Your love consume me so that i won't even crave it, so that i won't even need it. please, remind me that Your love is just enough for me & that Your timing is ALWAYS perfect. let me not show mistrust in You. remind me of what heiba said..that these things come to distract me from the love that's already being shown all around me, making me not fully appreciate it & miss out on the beauty of it. satan knows my weaknesses & knows how to get to me. i don't want him to win, Daddy. please surround me. i give it up to You.

thank you for this holiday season & for the family & friends that i've been able to spend it with, and am still spending it with. as i write, i'm in the comforts of auntie angie's house, a home that i always look forward to. i'm surrounded by people that deeply care about me. & i know that all of these people's love combined & multiplied by 1020394817029384 doesn't even compare with the love that You have for me, which is totally incomprehensible. You're amazing. straight up amazing. let me not lose sight of that.

thanks Daddy.
i love you. :)
merry christmas. :)

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

jumbled.

i can't figure myself out. i'm sorry, idk why i still feel this way. ik that i'm hurting you...
i just...ugh. idk. i racked my brain tonight trying to figure out why. it honestly doesn't make sense...& it's not like me. but i am...& it is...

i'm so sorry..
please be patient w/ me.
maybe one day it'll be better.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

[don't] rock the boat.

just when life was figured out,
curveballs were thrown at me.
just when i was content/satisfied/happy again,
something just had to rain on my parade.
i was almost expecting it,
but i really hoped that it wouldn't happen.
oh well.
at least i called it.

//

uncle jose,
the church was filled with tears on friday at your memorial service. i, too, found myself crying a lot. i wasn't super close to you, but my family means a lot to me. your death left them in a LOT of pain...i don't think you understand how much. auntie myrtle hasn't eaten in the two weeks since you died. your 8-year-old pride and joy has no father to guide him. i saw the numerous pictures of you two...you & jordan, i mean. you must have loved him a lot. i could see it in the pictures. he loved you a lot too. he still does. it's going to take him & auntie myrtle a long time to learn how to cope.

it was very strange seeing a picture of your face on the memorial service program, more like surreal. i'm used to seeing you attend memorial services, not be the cause of them. & it almost made me sick to my stomach when i saw your body in the casket. that sight confirmed everything..the fact that you truly are gone. that your life has ended. *sigh* you were so young, uncle jose...only 48. jordan needs a father. auntie myrtle needs a husband. i can't even imagine all the pain that she's dealing with. it's not like it was a divorce where she stopped loving you and you went away. she loved you so much and you were taken away from her...the both of you were celebrating your wedding anniversary in hawaii, in fact, along with jordan & oma. your leaving her was so unexpected...she wasn't prepared. this has hit her so hard.

uncle jose, it was so hard to see my family hurt so much. i know that your side of the family was in a lot of pain as well. i cried when i heard your mom wail and cry over your body after everyone had left, & i saw your brothers cry as well. but you really made an impact my family when you were here with us. opungs, aunties & uncles, cousins, nephews & nieces on my side of the family said beautiful things about you at the service. it almost seemed like my side of the family was more sad than yours. i know that that isn't true at all, but i say that to make a point as to how much my side of the family loved you. you really made a big impression on my family. they really miss you.

my whole family is praying for Jesus to come soon so that they can see you again. they're longing with all of their hearts for that day. i am too...i want my family to stop hurting...& i want to get to you know you better. i'm thankful that we'll have plenty of time for that. :) i can't wait for it. i want to hear all about your trips with auntie myrtle & jordan, all of the good times that we've all had together, and of course, all of the cars that you've repaired. ;)

rest in peace, uncle jose.
until Jesus comes.
you are greatly loved and missed.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

christmas break thus far.

so far, i've only had one day where i sat at home and did absolutely nothing.
everyday has had something to do or somewhere to go.
i like it like that. :)
so much to do though!

so far:
FRIDAY:
+ the fall [haven't been THERE for forever].
+ went to steven's house to welcome him home.

SATURDAY:
+ xmas party for the residents at inland temporary homes. *double rainbow that day!
+ farewell xmas party for the humanitech students.

SUNDAY:
+ errands w/ mom.
+ joshua tree w/ ambyr, steven, andrew lloren, & jon min.
+ in-n-out.

MONDAY:
+ took care of stuff at home.
+ went to steven's to cook. [saw mikee & ambyr at separate times on the way there]
+ cinnamon roll night! +potato cheddar broccoli soup...but we can forget that part.

which leads us to...
TODAY:
+ drove to rancho to shadow auntie angie, a pediatrician.
+ LA + diamond bar w/ steven and 4 other friends [3 of them from andrews]
+ wal-mart to scan cue photos

& now the rest of my busy week...
WEDNESDAY:
+ check-up at my dad's dental office
+ check the photo spot for heibs' photoshoot
+ JJ's band concert
+ hang out w/ my glendale friends
+ paint ambyr's room? if there's time?

THURSDAY:
+ heiba's photoshoot
+ newsletter meeting

FRIDAY:
+ shadow auntie angie again, except at a clinic in upland

SATURDAY:
+ something secret. :)))

SUNDAY:
+ lori's wedding! :)

& during this week, i need to/want to:
+ finish jj & leisa's banquet pictures
+ work on christmas stuff
+ clean my room
+ read "eat this, not that"
+ read my photography book
+ pick up a photoshop book from B&N
+ send my picture off to Yogurtland
+ test out my fish eye lens that's coming in a few days! already been shipped! :)

among other things.

i like being productive. :)
just gotta learn how to manage everything.


..i should be sleeping.
but i'm not tired.
=/

Monday, December 14, 2009

stardust + life.

+ tonight: went w/ ambyr, jon min, steven, & andrew l. to joshua tree to see the meteor shower. turns out, that the meteor shower wasn't tonight, but we saw at least a good 15-20 meteors. the sky was BEAUTIFUL...clear w/ a MILLION stars. it looked like God had a handful of stardust, threw it across the canvas of the sky, and didn't clean it up so that we could enjoy. you couldn't see it w/o worshiping Him. breahtaking.

+ PHOTOSHOP. there's so much that i want to learn! i wish i was taking the class at LSU this quarter. :(((( but no room in my schedule! agh. :( i feel like i could do so much better if i knew about all of the available resources and how they work. i feel so...inhibited right now. :( i want to learn! somebody teach me? :(

+ got the second Glee CD today, & am enjoying it to the fullest. the people on that show are honestly SO TALENTED. i'm absolutely amazed.

+ The Shack is teaching me a lot about God. i look forward to reading it every night. next book: Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis.

+ i've recently developed a genuine thirst for learning. ask me about it later. i have so much to share. :)
God is good,
ALL the time.
even when it doesn't seem like it.

*pray hard for my family please..my auntie's going through a lot. she just lost a husband & my 6-year-old cousin just lost a father. :*((( there is much stress & grief in my family right now.

Monday, November 30, 2009

hahahaha. :)

*from an email from LSU:


Researchers at Loma Linda University confirmed Harvard University research that found that laughter has the following beneficial effects on the human body:
1. "T-cells" are increased, allowing you to combat infection better. The nervous system and endocrine system are directly related to the immune system, hence, they all benefit. Continued humor usage contributes to a strengthened immune system and helps fight off future illnesses.
2. Lowering of blood pressure.
3. Decrease in sed rate, indicating a reversal of the inflammatory process.
4. Pain reduction in muscles. Laughter exercises the muscles in the diaphragm, abdomen, respiratory system, face, arms and back. Think of it as a mini-aerobic session.
5. Good for the digestive system. Perhaps it's best to play out the reversal of that. Think about how your stomach and intestines react when you are stressed, nervous or angry. Enough said.
6. Increases energy.
7. Reduces the need for prescription drugs, especially anti-depressants.
8. Reduces anger and anxiety. You feel empowered , more in control of your emotions, it "lightens" the environment around you and increases productivity. Helpful in the workplace and at home.
9. Improves self-esteem dramatically and promotes a more positive outlook.
10. Enhances the ability to learn and retain that learning. Good news for anyone.
11. Allows for a more restful sleep and a brighter outlook upon awakening.
12. Frequent laughter has a cleansing effect on the body, similar to deep breathing.

http://www.byregion.net/articles-healers/humorhealing.html

Sunday, November 29, 2009

new directions.

i can't even BEGIN to tell you what today was like. if i had to give you a quick summary, i'd have to say it was something like...pure inspiration, Divine intervention, & purpose. God totally planned my day out, i have no doubt. it's probably because of my new prayer:
"God, in all that I do today, I want to honor You.
I want to integrate You into everything:
my thoughts, my walk, the way that I talk to people,
the pictures that I take, everything.
I want all of it to honor and glorify You."

and thus,
today.
incident #1: an encounter with Harvey Lee.
incident #2: CNN heroes // new directions.

i've been praying for some sort of direction, and i think God gave it to me today. i think i want to go into the medical field. it's something that i was avoiding, quite honestly. i don't like all the schooling. it seems too hard & too long. i'd have to take a bunch of science & math classes that i loathe. medical students have no lives. they're just constantly studying. and all those MCATs, boards, & whatnot...months of studying & so much to know. SO STRESSFUL. i'm an easily stressed out person.

so while at the gym tonight, i was watching CNN heroes on the TV. i've been waiting for it to air and was pleasantly surprised that i happened to go to the gym the day and time that it was showing. while watching, i couldn't help but notice the camera angles and all of the editing that they did. i was so interested in how they filmed each person's story and how they compiled everything together...snapshots of the featured person's life and work place, the interviews of the people that they helped, just everything. i was so into it.
the plaque that they gave everyone also caught my attention...the material that was used, the font, the size of the text, the placement of the text, what words were chosen to be on the plaque..

as i was running on the treadmill, it struck me that not many people think about the people that helped to make the show...more specifically the camera crew and the designers of the plaque. i thought about how amazing it must've been to go to all parts of the world to film these people, their work, and the people's lives that they've touched. there were heroes from zimbabwe, NY, iraq, new orleans...all over the place! i was imagining how rewarding it must have been for the camera crew to meet and interact with those people and catch it all on camera.

it made me realize that they were producing something that would cause thousands of people to be inspired. there were hundreds of people at the awards ceremony and it was being televised across the country, so hundreds more people would see it. the camera was being used as a means to share something good with the world. i was thinking that television has become so corrupt. there's either a lot of trash or the news is telling depressing stories. but this show, CNN heroes, brought hope that there's still good left in the world. and it couldn't have been done with cameras.

that train of thought led me to think that God can use my camera to do something good. i've been noticing that it feels like i've been going full throttle with photography and editing and such. i'm actually kind of surprised at how much i've been pursuing it. i mean, i know that i loved it a while ago, but it's been becoming...part of me. i don't quite know how to explain it, but life has become one huge photo op. every time i look at something, i don't look at it as what it is. i see it has a photo spot. the other day i was at UCI and while walking around campus, all these different photo spots were literally SCREAMING out at me. i was so sad cause we had to move fast and i wasn't able to take as many pictures as i wanted. and then a few days ago, i was looking at the costco cookbook that they give out for free every year. i wasn't looking at the recipes. i was looking at the pictures and was paying attention to every single detail that made that picture...the placement of the food, the different utensils used, the colors of the utensils and dishes, the use or absence of placemats, which direction the lighting came from, you get the picture. and yesterday while driving home from church, i took notice of how wonderful the lighting was at this certain place, so my brother and i went home to change, then we drove back to the place so that i could have a quick photoshoot before the sun set.

i'm not kidding, photography has become my LIFE. i never knew what a passion was until recently. photography is my PASSION. and it's weird, cause it almost feels like...it's not me that's taking or editing the pictures and pursuing this full-speed. it feels like Someone Else is. like...He's somehow preparing me to use my skills/passion for something for Him. that's honestly what it feels like. and i know that that sounds crazy and you probably won't believe me, but i'm speaking the honest-to-goodness truth. it feels like God is going to use my photography for His purpose. and i'm really happy about that because that's what i started praying last week. i've started to pray before my photoshoots. i pray that my pictures will glorify God and that they will bring honor to Him. and now, it just feels like...idk. it's just not me that's taking or editing the pictures. it feels like He is. i'm just the means as to how the finished product comes out.

i had a conversation with my friend a few weeks ago and something that he said has been ringing in my head. he said that the medical field is an amazing opportunity for ministry. there're medical mission trips to go and help people. and in the health field, you sort of "heal" people, and that opens up doorways to share Jesus. people wonder how you can do that. it starts conversations and presents opportunities to share your faith. (i suppose there are a lot of jobs not in healthcare that can do that, but just humor me.)

that got me to thinking that if i went into healthcare, that would give me an opportunity to go on a medical mission trip. and after watching Patch Adams and tonight's CNN heroes, i realize that sick people just need something to make them smile. they need hope. they need distractions from their sickness. they need to be happy.

enter Keeka, my camera. pictures make people smile. photoshoots distract from bad things. have you ever taken a picture of a little kid and showed it to them? they'll immediately say "take more, take more! take a picture of me doing this!" then right after you snap the picture, they'll run up to you, anxious to see the finished product. pictures not only capture smiles, they create smiles. it's kind of a crazy plan, & who knows it might not work out, but this is just me thinking: if i ever went on a medical mission trip, i would bring my camera to take pictures of the patients. i would use photography as a means to allow them to stop thinking about their illness for a while and just enjoy life for a few moments again.

i've been praying so long for direction, for God to somehow hint at what He wants me to do.
then that prayer got revised into "God, show me how I can most glorify You with my life and my occupation. How can I best serve you?"

I think He's slowly revealing that to me.
and it's the most amazing feeling in the world.
:))))

"aim high and glorify God in all that you do."
-mom.

oh, life.

haven't updated in a while.
mostly because i've been too busy.
but partly bc i don't want to.
i feel like every time i come on blogspot,
i'm venting about something.

i guess, not all the time actually.
but every time i think about coming on blogspot,
it's to vent.

& i don't like that.
i don't want to write only when i'm upset.
but idk.
i don't really feel like writing when i'm happy.

actually...no, that's not true either.
i do feel like writing when i'm happy.
i guess i just...choose not to.

ah i'm rambling.
but it's partly bc i don't want to talk about what i'm upset about. =/

maybe i just won't.
maybe i can just leave it at this.
...
hmmm.
we'll see how this works out.

but let's end on a positive note, shall we?

*i LOVE photoshop. :)
i'm learning to do so many things...
& i still have so much more to learn.
that's an exciting prospect, no? :))

Saturday, October 31, 2009

just write it out.

i don't like weepy-eyed desperate sounding things that get into my head.
but these past few days, they're all that have been coming out.

to ______, ______, & ______.
do i really not matter to you anymore? cause that's how i've been treated. i've put in the effort & i've gotten zero response. zero. okay, maybe .5. this hurts more than you know. & that's what makes it worse. you don't & won't know.
did you know that i cried over you the other night? i had a 45 min. conversation on the phone w/ my mom. she had to comfort me while i weeped my eyes out. but nope. you have no idea.
& what happened to all our talks this summer? were those in vain? am i not important to you anymore?

i'm so tired of feeling like this.
this past week has been so emotionally draining.
just ask heiba. she's had to listen to me vent to her on more than several occasions.
i freakin' hate it.
GET ME OUT OF THIS.
or change me so that i won't care anymore.

i was telling moshi & 'bang tonight that i'm becoming the person that i never thought i'd be: afraid to love/be loved again.
this past week has been SO HARD.
you have no idea.
it's hurt me in a way that i didn't think was possible.
i never ever thought i'd say this,
but i'm scared to be cared for.
& i'm scared to care again.

bc you might go away just like they did.
& i never want to experience this hurt again.
so _______, please don't take this personally, but if it seems that i'm distant, it's because i'm scared that you care about me so much. i'm afraid that we'll become such good friends, i'll put so much into our friendship, & then you'll go away & i'll feel the way that i'm feeling right now.
i am NOT down for that.
not. at. all.

i'm scared of daily "goodnight" txts.
i'm scared of hugs.
i'm scared of quality time that will bring us so much closer.
i'm scared of letting my heart go again.
bc i did once & it came back to haunt me.

i hate crying.
i'm really tired of it.
& i feel so stupid for doing it so many times this week.

stop it, ashlee.
stop it.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

paper.

excuse typos or flaws that you find. i was pressed for time. =/

but you get the gist of it. :)


Ashlee Sumilat

ENGL 111-3

Narrative Final Draft

9 October 2009

Breathtaking scenery? Check. Best friends? Check. Sleepy eyes? Three times check. A few of my best friends and I are sitting in a circle underneath a large, white wooden cross atop one of Mt. Rubidoux’s peaks admiring the city from a different perspective and soaking in the beautiful sight. The morning sun is just rising, waking up the wildlife of Riverside, California on this balmy early-June morning. Moments earlier, the sky was fairly dark and all of the local building lights and city lights were on, transforming the scene before us from a typical, ordinary city to a beautiful black canvas dotted with different-colored glistening jewels. I’m completely captivated by it. But it was no easy trip coming up here to see this. I personally woke up at 4 o’clock this morning since we were supposed to meet at my friend’s house around 4:30 or so, making my slumber a grand total of three hours, maybe even a little less. My friends are suffering from the same amount of shut-eye, or, rather, lack thereof. We had to rush to get here because we wanted to beat the sun before it rose, and we left later than planned. The hike up wasn’t particularly enjoyable either. All of us took the shortcut, meaning that we scaled the mountain, opposed to walking up the paved path, and most of us were short of breath trying to make it to the top in time. But we’re here now, and this beautiful scene is our reward. Today is the day that we leave high school behind and we’ve chosen to celebrate it with each other in this way.


To an outsider, my group of friends and I may seem like any other high school bunch of teenagers that eat lunch together everyday and hang out on the weekends every now and then, but we are much more than that. Throughout this past year, we’ve shared our hearts and thoughts with each other while grabbing food from Ricebox or Maki Yaki, two of our favorite regulars. We’ve shared many similar interests and hobbies such as photography, volleyball, and music. There have been many times when we’ve casually gone places not expecting much--“Hey, wanna go to Yogurtlicious? Or the Mins’ house?”--and for hours spent time together, laughing and creating numerous inside jokes, establishing that event as the highlight of the week. When the good times came, we celebrated together, and when bad times rolled around, we prayed for each other until they passed. Our parents knew each person on a name-to-name basis and weren’t surprised when their house was suddenly and spontaneously filled with six or seven teenagers walking through the door saying, “Hi Auntie! Hi Uncle!” These people that I spent so much time with this year are very near and dear to my heart.


While trekking the hills behind Hulda Crooks Park in Loma Linda during one of our regular early-Sabbath-morning hikes, one of my friends suggested that we as a group get together a breakfast picnic basket during graduation weekend, climb Mt. Rubidoux, and watch the sunrise. That was several months ago, or perhaps just one month ago (I honestly can’t remember). I was skeptical as to whether or not my friend’s plan would actually come through, but here we are (most of our group anyway), graduation day, sitting on a few boulders at the top of Mt. Rubidoux watching the sunrise together. The only thing that’s missing is the breakfast picnic basket.


We all enjoy the peaceful atmosphere for a few minutes before one of my friends speaks up. He suggests that we go around the circle one-by-one and “share our troubles with each other.” With a unanimous agreement, he starts it off by talking about a few things that have been on his mind recently and then goes on to the next person.


I sit and listen to the prayer requests of my friends as they talk. Their requests range from a variety of different subjects, such as family problems and spiritual concerns, but most of them are, understandably and not surprisingly, about college: fears and anticipations, financial concerns, and the like. For so long we’ve thought and talked about college, but today legitimatizes the fact that it is indeed a reality approaching soon.


One of my friend’s “testimony” of sorts is filled with tears as he reminisces about how unhappy he was at the high school attended last year and how incredibly happy coming back to our school for senior year made him. He shares how appreciative he is of our friend group and how we are more like family to him than anything else. His sentiment is heart-warming and makes me misty-eyed. This is the first time I’ve seen him cry in a while, and the fact that he chose to let down his guards and truly be himself for a few minutes created a sense of intimacy and bonding between all of us.


The circle comes to me and it’s my turn to share. My concern/prayer request, too, is about college, but it’s different from everyone else’s. See, all of them, or at least 90 percent of them, are going to the same college. I am one of the few that is not. Originally, I was supposed to go to Pacific Union College with them, but things changed last-minute, so my college plans had to accommodate that change. So I share how upset I am about not being able to be up there with all of them. Missing out on all the inside jokes, being left out of certain experiences and memories, and even something small like not being able to complain about the same teachers is not an inviting prospect to me. With hesitance, I acknowledge the fact that things won’t be the same when we all leave for college, and I truthfully say how much that hurts, especially since I became so close to all of them just this year, so I ask for their prayers of comfort.


The last person shares the things on his mind and heart, and we decide to go around the circle one-by-one and pray for the specific prayer request of the person on our left. Someone is assigned to start and another to end, then we all bow our heads and dedicate each other to God. As we’re all sitting in this circle, fearing the uncertain future together, I can’t help but liken us to an army or a group of soldiers bracing and preparing ourselves for war. A bit overdramatic, I know, but in this moment, we’re recognizing all of the different challenges that we’ll face in the coming year, whether they be academic, spiritual, emotional, or social, and we’re choosing sharing it with each other and with God. The sacredness of the moment gives me chills.


We finish praying and give each other huge hugs while laughing a bit and wiping a few tears from each other’s eyes. One of my friends sets up his tripod and puts his camera on timer before pressing the shutter button and rushing to his designated spot. The camera beeps slowly for a few seconds then a few times rapidly before going off, photographing all of us in our positions. I ask to see the picture on the screen after my friend dismounts his camera from the tripod. He shows it to me and I stare at it, being fully appreciative of the fact that such a contraption exists to help capture what just took place under cross today. I think of the saying “A picture speaks a thousand words” and I can’t agree more. This photograph speaks of a year’s worth of laughter, an hour’s worth of memories, and a lifetime of friendships. They are ones to cherish.

Friday, September 18, 2009

post-ignite.

currently at home after a few days at LSU for ignite.

LSU in a nutshell:
_the longer i'm at LSU, the more i'm convinced that this is where God needed me to be.
_i actually know more people here than i thought i would. made even more friends. social life is good. :)
_need to grab a few more things for the dorm.
_dorm room + room mate = blessings from God. :)
_need to find out where my classes are. =/
_chivalrous guys DO exist.
_family groups = :)
_something said at one of the workshops yesterday:
view life like a race. run towards the things that you value, the things that you hold dear and are important to you. then look around you to see who's running toward the same thing. chances are, that person is the best match for you.

think-notes:
_be more careful.
_"wait on the Lord."
_"pray ashlee and breathe thats what i do when i feel the tension rising" -ML
_think before you speak.

Friday, September 11, 2009

party of pizzas. :)

hey suelynn,
i tried leaving you a comment on your blog,
but it wouldn't let me.
so i was gonna say that i'm gonna miss this too.
being here w/ everyone.
making food together. :)
hearing each other's stupid comments
& contagious laughs.
i seriously love you guys.

john just said:
"in 4 days..."

*sigh*

& sanga,
you just got back.
i don't want to you to leave already!
you JUST got back. :(((
i'm seriously so sad about that.
you don't even know. :(

i'm suffering from a serious case of
a mix happy/sad emotions right now.

there's a million things running through my mind.
but since blogspot is a public thing,
i won't put my personal thoughts up here.
i'll have to keep them to myself for now.

maybe i'll be able to talk to one of my 5's soon?
we'll see.


*sigh*
i'm so confused.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

color prophecy.

i think my mind speaks the language of color.
when a color combination comes to my mind,
it'll show up multiple times in my wardrobe or belongings
not too far down the road.

a few days before ISA,
i really wanted my nails to be
pink, blue, & yellow.
for a couple of days, i put it off doing my nails,
but i kept the bottles out to remind myself.
on the day of ISA when i was picking out my clothes,
i wasn't even thinking about it,
but guess what i wore?
yellow shirt, blue dress, & pink belt.
so i like SUPER matched,
but i promise i didn't plan it like that.
my train of thought for my nails & my clothes
happened at different times.

& the other week,
i noticed that purple, silver, & black go really well together.
i didn't have black,
but i did purple & silver.
guess what i wore today?
black dress layered over a purple dress
with silver sandals.
(at ISA,
i found out that Quest Crew's colors are
black, purple, & silver.
WHOO! :)
those colors were meant to be!)

while remodeling our bathroom,
i had the color scheme
blue, white, & silver in mind.
but along the way,
i was like,
MAN i should've done blue & brown.
then after that,
i started seeing blue & brown everywhere.
i was so sad that i didn't do blue & brown.
today when i was dorm shopping,
i kept on thinking about blue & brown for my bedding stuff.
then low & behold,
i found a comforter.
guess what colors it has?
blue & brown.
w/ hibiscuses. :)

hahhahaha.
i wasn't kidding when i said that my mind speaks the language of color. x]

Monday, September 7, 2009

ABDC.

this is the show that i saw the rehearsal to.

Friday, September 4, 2009

summer lovin'.

its days like these that make me absolutely LOVE summer. :)
so let's recap these blissful summer days, yes?

yesterday:
  • spent QT w/ grandparents. haven't done that in a while. g.pa rode in my car for the first time. x]
  • volunteered at east campus.
  • stater bros. to get nectarines & peaches.
  • min's house to see nic & biff. split a cinnamon roll w/ them. i KNEW i shouldn't have gotten it. wasn't as good as it looked. -_______-
  • weather: florida-like. thunder, felt a few raindrops, a bit breezy. i liked it. :)
  • ambyr came over to min's. drove around for a few minutes w/ john in my trunk. "oh gosh! it's so HOT in here!!" HAHAHHAHAH. x] all i needed was a speed bump to run over.
  • picked up jj from sax lesson.
  • went home to eat a sandwich, drop jj off, & grab my stuff.
  • ambyr's house to clean the outside of my car half-way. x]
  • her grandparents' house to night swim for a while. heart-to-heart. tricep & ab workout. "cyclone." x] water felt good until we got cold.
  • late-night trip to IHOP. spent forever trying to decide what i wanted to eat. & i almost changed it right after i ordered. x] i like nice waitresses that don't get annoyed. my dinner: onion rings, 2 grain&nut pancakes w/ a taste of all the syrups (i took the leftovers home & eat it for b.fast this morning!), garden scramble (scrambled eggs w/ peppers & mushrooms), & 1/2 of ambyr's hash browns. mmm mmm FULL. :)
  • ambyr's house again. spent 30 min. vid. messaging sanga & steven on fb. laughed a lot. :) *dude, i didn't realize how weird i am on camera when i'm hyper. oh gosh it's scary. for those of you who saw it....just erase that from your memory. heh.
  • cautiously drove home w/o a license.
& today:
  • picked up matt in grand terrace.
  • picked up kak jane at UCR.
  • found out that kak jane & i actually met before. she came to my church once! & i helped her prom date shop for a vest & tie. small world. :)
  • tapioca express to get free drinks. watermelon juice. :)
  • got lost a little bit on the way to our destination. thankfully an orang tua at the gas station helped us out. kak jane gave him 75 cents when he asked for change.
  • arrived at WB lot. waited in line for 2 hours. front of the line. surprisingly saw a few familiar faces. entertained ourselves by making friends. 1) meet: kevin aka kay k. DUDE. he has CONNECTIONS. he's friends w/ the people from fanny pack, quest crew, boxcuttuhs, we are heroes, & a bunch more. he even did a mix for one of the competitions. cool guy. 2) meet: becca & amber. 2 ladies from the bay area. they were really nice. :) 3) meet: ashley (heeeey! :)), mike, & daniel. asian teenagers from santa clarita, rancho, & seattle!
  • STARSTRUCK:
  1. stood literally 2 ft away from 2 people from fanny pack for like 30 min. i could've bumped into them. it was the black girl & one of the tall white guys..will..something? forgot his name. WHOOPS. & the girl was carrying a bunch of Fanny Pack fanny packs..purple & aqua. agggh i wanted one so bad! matt & i wanted to ask her for one. x]
  2. saw Strikers All Stars crew come into the line we were standing in. a bunch of black guys wearing bright colors, elaborate ed hardy designs on jackets & hats, gold chains, & walking in w/ swag? not conspicuous at all. HA. x] i just watched them on youtube. they are freakin TIGHT. look them up if you don't know who they are. strikers all stars.
  3. saw the guy that played the police officer in seventh heaven.
  4. walked by george lopez's parking sign.
  5. walked by the stages were they filmed FRIENDS, cold case, batman and robin, ER, the mentalist, & a bunch of other shows & movies. and then of course ABDC STAGE. :)))))
  6. a few girls from Beat Freaks came into the rehearsal. *look them up! total ballers dude. saw the red-haired girl, the oriental girl, & a few others. sat in our section a few rows down. so did Fanny Pack and Strikers.
  • the rehearsal: obviously not the actual taping. but they did tape a few shots w/ us there. "in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...applause." & standing ovation after each crew's done. their first time shooting during a rehearsal. we got to see each dance three times instead of just once since it was rehearsal. so if you missed something the first time, you got to see the next time. this one guy from Massive Monkees made my heart beat a little faster: brysen angeles. :)) i like their routines from the past weeks. We Are Heroes & Rhythm City are totally bomb. i'm totally for them. :) watch the actual show nxt wk! it's a good one. :) my new obsession: ABDC. :)
  • noodle world: dinner.
  • santa anita mall to get something to commemorate tonight since they made us give up our tickets & wrist bands. -__________- yag.
  • fell asleep on the way home while kak jane drove.
  • skyped w/ steven for half an hour. HAHA. steven your dances are so......um.....cute.... :)
oh boy, oh boy, oh boy.
these 2 past days have been utterly amazing.
i have pictures from today, but i'm way too tired to look them up. =/
i'll prob. put them on fb cause matt & kak jane want them.

thank you God for them & the people that i got to spend them with.
iloveyou.
amen.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

nail polish.

i started a new post,
cause i didn't want to put this stuff
with the other one.
i don't like long posts.
i prefer smaller posts with
diff. events described in each.
its more organized that way.

i guess if i was super organized,
i would've put that bit about the
wicked song book in this post.
since this post talks about today.
and that post talks about the wknd.

but OH WELL.
i'm not THAT organized.
pssh.

...
& no i wasn't thinking about editing that last entry
& moving the info to this post...
...
...
no, i am not CDO,
i mean,
OCD.

anyyyywwaaayyyyssss.

i realized that i have a LOT of nail polish.
& a lot of them have dried out
before i even got the chance to use them.
so this morning,
while ambyr & i were watching
"nostalgia tv"+ cash cab,
i experimented w/ diff. colors & designs.
a diff. one on each nail.
it was fun. :)

IMG_6611 copy
IMG_6615
IMG_6634
IMG_6675
IMG_6722

oh boy, i love color! :)

also today,
  • went to KFC & had deep conversations with my aunties (not relatives) while the kids played w/ their cell phones.
  • watched hsm3 w/ jj. i swear i'm infatuated w/ that movie.
  • talked to biff for a while.
  • skimmed through one of the photography books that i ordered.
  • played piano! oh wait, i already mentioned that...
& i'm getting a headache now.
time to sleep.
g'night world!

ouch.

octaves are not small-hand friendly. =/
just played piano for 1.5 hours! :)
haven't done that in a while.
its cause my WICKED song book FINALLY came in...
after much awaiting.
so did the 2 photography books that i've been waiting for.
funny how everything came on the same day.
i wanted them to come at diff. times so that i could work
on one while waiting for another.
but i guess the mail wanted me to wait for
a long time & get all 3 on the
same.
exact.
day.


how lovely.

-___________-

oh well.
they're here, so that's all that matters. :)

huntington wknd was pretty good.
actually went in the water both days.
i don't usually go in the water when i go to the beach
cause the feeling of sand all over your body & in your hair
isn't too pleasant.
but it was so hot, so i said "what the heck?"
& didn't regret it.
BOY that cold water felt good!
& the beach breeze was an added bonus. :)

the food that we ate was pretty good.
went to beach berries (frozen yogurt) about 3 times
during the 2 days that we stayed at the condo.
& i never once ordered one for myself.
for some reason, i wasn't in the mood to eat even
a small one by myself.
so i just shared with my brother or my mom.

the asian food that we got was good. :)
but the vietnamese desserts kinda gave me a stomachache.
probably too much coconut milk or something. =/

but the thing that really made me sad
was the fact that my expectations for good photos weren't met.
i honestly didn't take many good ones.
:(((((((((((
*sigh*

here're a few:
(sorry, don't expect anything good. =/)

*an artist at work.
IMG_6408

*his palette.
IMG_6409

*beach berries #1.
IMG_6428

*i tried to get the action of the waves crashing under the pier.
but shadows're kinda yag. =/
IMG_6479

*footprints edited.
IMG_6508

*beach berries #2.
IMG_6598

*experimentation with long shutter speeds & night lights.
it's honestly nothing great at all, but i thought it was cool
'cause i've never taken pictures like this before.
IMG_6534
IMG_6541

speaking of night life,
my mom & i went walking down on the huntington strip on sat. night.
after about 10 min,
i came to the conclusion that it was not my scene.
a guy 2 ft away from me had too much to drink & retched.
twice.
*shudders*
yeahhhh...
didn't stay out there too long.

but overall, it was a pretty good wknd.
nice escape from the LL heat at least.
heard it got up to 120.
gross.

Friday, August 28, 2009

nah.

so there's actually a WHOLE lot more to my story,
but quite honestly it takes way too long to write it all out.
& i'm too lazy.
but if you would like to know,
please feel free to ask me!
i'd love to tell you. :)

things that happened this week:
  • the more intense part of the bathroom remodeling started...floor's in the process of being changed to tile, counter's in the process of being replaced with our leftover granite, and my mom & i bought a new sink! i'm so excited! P11288051a
  • went over to ambyr's house for the first time!
  • cooked with my mom at midnight. x]
  • hung out w/ mervin after he finished his orientation at LSU. tried eel for the first time.
IMG_6335
IMG_6339
IMG_6344
IMG_6367
  • saw steven when he got home & talked to him for a couple of hours.
  • volunteered at east campus.
  • swam at drayson 3x this wk. (did 20 laps yesterday!)
currently typing from my auntie's huntington beach house.
i've been looking forward to this wknd. :)
photo ops, beach weather, good asian food. mmm. :) can't wait.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

sabbath school: pt. IV.

time passed by. in late april or early may (i can't remember which it was...probably some time in may), PUC came down to LLA to settle some stuff with us prospective PUC students. i was excited...i got my financial package set up, i registered for classes and got my schedule...everything was ready. :)

then 2 weeks before school ended, i got a phone call. i was working in the gym on class night stuff. i looked at the caller ID and didn't recognized the number. while debating whether or not to answer it, my phone stopped ringing and displayed the "missed call" screen. i looked at the number again and almost decided not to call back, but went ahead and called back.

phone: "hello?"

me: "hi, did someone from this number call me..?"

phone: "yes, is this ashlee sumilat?"

me: "yes, this is she."

phone: "hi, i'm david lofthouse from la sierra university."

me: *oh great...they're probably calling to tell me that they have a financial appointment set up
for me. my mom already told them that we had one! why do they keep on calling?* "oh hi!"

mr. lofthouse: "ashlee, have you decided which college to go to in the fall?"

me: *oh great this is going to be awkward...* "yes, i decided to go to PUC...

mr. lofthouse: "oh really....? may i ask why?"

me: *is he TRYING to make this more awkward for me??? great....* "umm...well i really liked the campus up there, it was really nice. i felt a lot closer to God in their nature setting. and it's far away enough from home without being too far."

mr. lofthouse: "is that it?"

me: *should i mention financial reasons? no...cause then he'll ask me if they gave me more scholarship than la sierra did, & i honestly don't know the question. this is awkward enough...so..no don't mention it.* "yeah....that's pretty much it.."

mr. lofthouse: "well, ashlee, i see here that you applied for the presidential scholarship, but that you didn't get it."

me: *why is he rubbing this in my face? & why is he bringing it up?* "yes....that's right...."

mr. lofthouse: "we don't publicize this information because we don't want to disappoint anyone, but there's actually a waiting list for the presidential scholarship. and as things turn out, one of the recipients of the scholarship turned it down. so if i told you that you happen to be #1 on the waiting list and the scholarship automatically goes to you if you decide to accept it, would that change your mind about going to PUC?"

me: *to say that i was shocked is an understatement* "um...hahha....yes...it...just might!!"

mr. lofthouse: "okay let me remind you of what this scholarship provides: it would pay for your freshman year tuition and fees, so all you would have to pay for is dorming and books. and if you keep at least a 3.6 GPA, you can reapply each year for the money. but don't worry about that too much. Last year's recipient of the scholarship reapplied and got it again this year..."

and a few more things were exchanged between us.
weird right? i was completely shocked out of my skin.

& it doesn't stop there.
+ i received an outside scholarship for $750, so i can use that to help pay for books or whatever else i need.
+ i had saved up $400 for the camera that i wanted, but the total cost was $899. the school year was ending, so i no longer had a paycheck (i was a TA.) then graduation $$ came in & i was able to pay for everything in cash! that camera is seriously my baby. i LOVE it.
+ my mom's best friend in NY sent me a check for $1k as a grad present.
+ we were able to get a discount on the macbook that i've been waiting for.
+ we found out that if we pay for dorming by a certain date, we get a 7% discount! that was almost $1000, if not more...i honestly don't remember..it might be a little less than $1000, but it was high up there.

this was all God's doing. i was seriously just sitting back and trying to deal with each curveball that came in. time after time, God surprised me with ways that He provides for me.