not again.

every time i come here to write, i haven't been happy.
i was just about to write another entry...
yet again about something that's eating at me.

but i want to choose not to focus on that. :)
for several reasons:
1) it's christmas.
2) it's been way too long.
3) i deserve to be happy.
bottom line: the only one in this whole situation that's hurting is me. everyone else is doing fine, but i'm not fully letting go, so i'm the only one being hurt. that's pretty ridiculous huh? i thought so too. :)



God,

please, fill that spot in my heart until it's ready. let Your love consume me so that i won't even crave it, so that i won't even need it. please, remind me that Your love is just enough for me & that Your timing is ALWAYS perfect. let me not show mistrust in You. remind me of what heiba said..that these things come to distract me from the love that's already being shown all around me, making me not fully appreciate it & miss out on the beauty of it. satan knows my weaknesses & knows how to get to me. i don't want him to win, Daddy. please surround me. i give it up to You.

thank you for this holiday season & for the family & friends that i've been able to spend it with, and am still spending it with. as i write, i'm in the comforts of auntie angie's house, a home that i always look forward to. i'm surrounded by people that deeply care about me. & i know that all of these people's love combined & multiplied by 1020394817029384 doesn't even compare with the love that You have for me, which is totally incomprehensible. You're amazing. straight up amazing. let me not lose sight of that.

thanks Daddy.
i love you. :)
merry christmas. :)