nervous anticipation.

so tonight began the preparation for the next 7 days.

i'm doing a colon cleanse.

it's really sppsd to be for 10 days,

but i figure that i'm not as old as a lot of the people that have had to do it.

so i don't have as many toxins in my system.

plus, craig & kimi's wedding is in 10 days.

and i can't go straight into eating regular food right after finishing the cleanse.

i have to ease into it a few days before.

so i'm only going to do it for 7 days.

you may ask why i'm crazy enough to do this.

well....for many reasons.

1. LSU caf food. that stuff seriously did weird things to my body. everyday they were serving deep fried stuff for the main course. and they added an incredible amount of cheese to everything. plus they used all processed vegetarian meats, which of course, are extremely high in sodium. i was supposed to do the cleanse after getting out of school. but to be honest, i forgot about it.

and this leads me to reason number 2.

2. at the beginning of summer, i ate out a lot. i had a lot of lunch meetings for Compassio in restaurants or fast food restaurants. plus, i didn't come home til late bc of youthical practices, so i often had to buy dinner....even MORE eating out.

3. when i was in hawaii, we ate out everyday, and we ate a lot. i didn't eat as many fruits and vegetables as i wanted. i usually had meat (whether it was chicken, beef, or fish...mmm ahi tuna!!), carbs (bread, white rice, pastries), and sugar (mmm hawaiian desserts. :)) i wanted to work out and start eating right when i got back, but because of my busy schedule, i wasn't able to go to drayson and, while i have been eating better, it hasn't been outstanding.

therefore,

i am doing the cleanse.

or Master Cleanse (MC) as it's called among the people who participate.

i was reading the book and there are a LOT of good testimonials of what it's done for people.

the obvious one is their health greatly improved because their systems were detoxified...but in addition to thtat, it's helped them lose weight (not pounds, but fat), they felt more energized, they experienced a spiritual journey and received a clarity of mind, some people's skin improved, and one person even get rid of a scar from when they were young! other little things happened too, like their mouth and breath smelled better...stuff like that.

but during these next 7 days, i cannot eat anything at all. i have to take laxative tea in the evening. in the morning when i wake up, i have to drink 1 quart of water with 2 tsp of non-iodized sea salt. and every two hours, i have to drink this "lemonade" which consists of water, organic fresh-squeezed lemon juice, organic maple syrup (not exactly the kind that you put on pancakes...actual fresh syrup from the maple trees), and cayenne pepper.

i don't want to go into detail, explaining everything about the ingredients, and why each thing is good for you because i'm too tired...maybe i will in the days to come.

man, i'm so scared.

but i prayed about this.

and i asked God to do this with me.

plus, i think it will be good for me.

well.......

here goes nothing.

for the next seven days.

=/

'night world.

enjoy food without me....

mama duties.

mm, my hands still smell like the salsa and guac that i made for dinner. :)

today was such a relaxing day. :) it felt good to sleep in & stay at home for once. i'm always up and out of the house. it felt good to just be at home & take care of stuff. actually, today was officially the first day since summer started that i've been home the ENTIRE day. i didn't go out once! & man, did it feel good after running around this whole summer. :)

last night we had a potluck at william & jeremy's house & i ended up cooking for two hours. but i didn't mind. :) manda hutuauruk came & helped me a little bit (man, i've missed that girl!) she washed dishes that i needed & kept an eye on a second pan of dumplings that was being fried. it felt good to "take care" of everyone's dinner & be appreciated for it afterwards. everything was eaten up and no one got sick, so i guess that's a good thing! haha! :)

i enjoyed it so much last night that i decided to cook dinner for my family tonight & that we would all sit around the dining table & eat together. everything that i made was pretty easy, but it took me forever.

*probably 'cause i was taking my time...and was watching glee on hulu at the same time. x]

idk what time i started cooking, but my mom left for work around 12:30 p.m., and i didn't start too long after she left. i edited pictures & went on fb for only a little bit, then i started cooking. so i might've started around....2 p.m. or so? i planned to prepare stuff for in the afternoon then start cooking when my family was close to getting home. i thought i was going to have a several-hour break, but when i finished preparing stuff, it was already 5:30 p.m., so i had to start cooking! we didn't eat til almost 7 p.m., so basically i was in the kitchen for 5 hours today! that sounds about right, cause i watched every single glee episode that hulu had available. x]

oh! so here's what i made today...

my mom cooked spaghetti noodles for jj this morning since he's always hungry when he comes home from school. but we didn't have any spaghetti sauce. we have a lot of feta cheese, and i've been wanting to use it up, so i looked up a recipe on food network. i found one for greek pasta salad with feta cheese and decided to try it.

after that, i started working on dinner. before she left for work, my mom and i looked in our refrigerators to see what kind of groceries we had. we had red and green bell peppers, onions, mushrooms, carne asada beef, red tomatoes, tomatillo tomatoes, and cilantro that my mom wanted me to use up since it was starting to wilt. so with all of these ingredients, i thought of the obvious answer...fajitas!! i searched through our fridges real quick just to make sure that we had tortillas...and low and behold...for some reason, our family has like 4 bags of them! x] so with that, i set off to work. i cut the bell peppers and onions to later be stir-fried, cut up the meat into good fajita chunks and made the marinade for it, utilized the two different kinds of tomatoes for salsa fresca, and decided to make a homemade guacamole as well.

jj helped me clean & set the table so that the house would look clean when my parents got home. they were very appreciative of that and the dinner. :) we all sat around the table and ate and prayed together, which we hardly EVER do! so that was really nice. :)

my mom made almond jello the other day, so we ate that with lychee and watermelon for dessert. it was just perfect. not too sweet, not too heavy. and there wasn't a whole lot of it, so the amount that each of us took was just enough to make us full.

my mom was happy to do the dishes, which i was glad for. i was so tired after dinner, so i just helped put everything away and cleaned out our freezer and cupboard a bit. after that i took a small nap, then took a shower before bringing down the ironing board and i ironed our clothes while watching monk. i planned on cleaning the house today, but didn't get to cause i ran out of time.

*sorry if you read all that and were completely bored out-of-your mind, yawning & thinking, "ash, i do that stuff all the time at home. that's nothing special." i seriously haven't been home this summer, so i haven't been able to do any of that stuff. and during the school year, i'm not at home cause i live in the dorm. when i come home on the weekends, i'm usually busy studying or am out somewhere else. so i don't do any of this. it felt really nice to be able to do it today and give my mom a break. :) she's packing some of the pasta that i made for jj for his lunch tomorrow, so i'm glad that she doesn't have to worry about that.

i should go sleep. i need to wake up early and get my TB skin test done before i go to work.

*yawns.

g'night world.

hope you had a good day today.

:)

andi's senior portraits.

i am seriously so excited!

the photoshoot went really well today!

while we didn't go to the location that we were

originally planning on, we found a really nice spot at a different beach. i was so excited when we walked down the stairs from the road & i saw GIMONGOUS waves. i thought "wow, if she wants to stand in front of them, i could get some REALLY nice shots of huge waves behind her right before they crash!" & she was excited too. :)

so yeah, everything went really well!

....minus a few mishaps..

one of them including me being scared to death cause i thought that andi was in serious danger.

i was shooting with her and i standing in the water. everything was fine until one of the huge waves that i once stood in awe of caught her by surprise and completely enveloped her. she got soaking wet but we thought she was going to be okay.

however, a few seconds later, another HUGE wave came along and did the same thing.

but this one knocked her down in the water. and since the waves were so huge, it also dragged her away from shore. i seriously lost visual of her for a few seconds, which was extremely scary.

she kept on trying to recover, but wave after wave kept on coming, and before i knew it, she was like 30 feet away from me.

i looked out at her and felt sickly worried to see a panicked look on her face with her arm reaching out, trying to struggle to get back to shore before being pulled out even farther.

i was so freaked out...i didn't know what to do. i wanted to dive in after her but i

was in shock from getting wet myself, and plus i had a camera in my hand. on top of that, the lens wasn't mine. i was stuck and panicked.

*sharp exhale*

thankfully the strong waves soon gave out and more mild ones took their place, allowing her to come back to shore.

praise God that she' s okay. i was seriously EXTREMELY worried.

also, thankfully there were another adults around. when one of them realized what was happening, he ran over to us, ready to go in the water if necessary, but she had already come out. i was relieved to know that if something had happened, God had provided other people who were capable of helping.

*sigh*

i have a taste of what it must have felt like to be under the power of the water. while i was shooting, several waves caught me by surprise and i was not expecting the amount of force that they had. they didn't get past my waist, but i certainly felt their power, especially when they were receding. i can't even imagine what she was feeling being completely immersed in it.

andi came out of the water, putting on a brave face, laughing, and saying that it was scary then, but when she looks back on it, it was actually fun. she shrugged it off saying that it wasn't so bad; she's been swept away by currents many times before.

.....

that silly girl.

she's always the daredevil.

scared me half to death.

idk if she knows how genuinely scared i was.

to be honest, i might have nightmares about it.

*sharp exhale again*

i just keep on thanking God that everything's okay.

my brand new pink parasol that she used was totally thrashed when she went under,

but hey.....i'd take andi over a parasol ANY day of the week.

on a happier note,

i am so pleased that chelsea's 50 mm did its job today. bc the aperture can go down to 1.8, it allowed me to take kinds of pictures that my 18-55 can't. i was amazed at how much i liked the depth of field in a lot of the photos! i seriously need to get my hands on one!! i need to find one with a good price though. =/

another thing that i'm super happy about is light room 3. :))))) that program is seriously A-MA-ZINGGGGGG. i can't believe i was without it all this time!! i'm so impressed with all of the capabilities and functions that it has. the way that the creators programmed it will seriously make my life 10x easier when editing! ahhh!! :)))) it was well worth my money!!

i haven't edited any of the pictures at all,

but here's a small teaser:

a third exciting thing is that tonight, for the first time, i used the tablet that robert gave me for my birthday last year. i got so many ideas for how i'll use it in the future...

my head is just swimming with giddyness & inspiration. :))

God answered my prayer, i guess. :)

anyways, i'm headed off to bed.

g'night world. :)

hello. :)

it feels like i haven't blogged in a while.

well, if it really matters to you, which it probably doesn't,

here's a small update on my life:

+ hawaii was AMAZING. beautiful weather, scenery, good food, and everything that comes with that. :) i'm so happy that i actually had a DSLR while in hawaii. the last few times that i went, i didn't. after i got keeka, i remember being really upset that i didn't have one while i was in hawaii.

+ went to cheesecake factory for dinner last night. craig took liz & i as a thank-you for directing glee club for Compassio. kimi came as well. it was really fun. :) & we had good food! it was crazy though...the staff sang "happy birthday" literally SEVEN times while we were there. SEVEN!! & every single time, they went off key. we couldn't stop laughing at them. x]

+ went to temecula to see Fiddler On The Roof tonight with liz & des. the purpose of the trip was to see whether or not we could produce this as a joint musical between LLJC & LLCC. paid special attention to stage set-up, lighting cues, choreography, cast, etc. it was a good experience. we discussed a lot on the way home....we'll see what happens! if we DO do it, it's going to be a HUGE project, costing somewhere around $10-$15 K. that's not even counting the time, energy, and effort that will be spent on this endeavor. so...idk, we'll see! btw, i'm totally loving old town temecula. lOTS of great photo spots there! most def. going back when it's not so hot.

+ lightroom 3 FINALLY came in the mail today!!! i was so overjoyed!! :)) & since it came so late (2 weeks after i ordered it....& i paid extra for expedited shipping), i got my shipping refunded. that made me both mad & happy. mad bc i was expecting it two weeks ago. i paid for expedited shipping for a REASON. i needed it w/in a matter of days from when i ordered it. but happy bc i got some money refunded....hey, don't hate. i'm chinese. every dollar counts! ^-^

+ played around with cheslea's 50 mm f/1.8 that she lent me. practicing with it bc i have 3 photo shoots scheduled for the near future...a senior portrait this wknd! it's kinda hard for me to get used to cause it's a fixed lens. it feels so weird not being able to zoom in & zoom out. out of habit, i would position my hand on the lens, ready to zoom in/out, then realize that i can't. also, it throws off my light meter a little bit. the meter will say that the picture is underexposed, but when i shoot it, it's perfect. when i move it a few f stops up to where it says the exposure is right, it ends up being TOO bright. so i'm trying to adjust to that. also, i'm working with a much different aperture range than what i'm used to. my 18-55 only goes to f/3.5, where as the 50 mm goes to f/1.8. so it feels weird when my shutter speed is like 1/2000 but the picture won't be underexposed. what i DO love about this lens though is that it challenges me. i take such different pictures with this lens....i love it! it forces me to be creative and to see and capture things from a different perspective. plus, i love the way that the f/1.8 pictures turn out. :))) i def. can't get THOSE kinds of shots with my 18-55! i really hope that i can get one of these lenses before summer ends...but idk, we'll see. i've spent hundreds of dollars already on Lightroom & my new phone's payments. so....*sigh. idk, we'll see if it'll work out. i really hope that i can, though, cause i'll be photographing a lot this next year for LSU and i'd like to become really comfortable with this lens.

anyways, i need to wake up early. got a full day ahead of me. i don't get to sleep in & go in to work at 1pm like i usually do on fridays. tomorrow i actually have to go in at 8:45 am. craig & i are going to visit LL's chapel, RAA's handshake-type-of-thing, and possibly even mesa grande before going back to the office to prepare stuff for Compassio. so...yeah, tomorrow will def. be busy! but i'm excited about it. :) i'm actually really looking forward to going to LL's chapel! we'll see how that turns out. :)

g'night world! sleep well tonight!

*huge hug.

bittersweet.

minus the sweet.

i don't like memories.

=/

guess you're leaving in a couple of hours.

and i won't even get to say bye.

...

notlikethatmatterstoyou.

sowhyshoulditmattertomeright?

QWEPROIJQWPEORIJ.

...goingtosleep.

thatwayican'tthinkaboutit.

g'nightworld.

aloha. :)

i can't even begin to explain how much i love this place.

to wake up in the morning to clear blue skies, an ocean that is different shades of blue, beautiful green grass, mountains, & trees, wispy clouds, light breezes...

that's why hawaii is my most favoritest place on earth. :))

...not that i don't love so-cal. i was thinking about it on the plane. i really am thankful to live in so-cal. it's a really nice place with a lot going on. i like that. so don't get me wrong, i really like california. but right now, i'm literally in heaven. i am SO happy to be here.

i love the weather, the flora & fauna, the culture, the food, even the tax! tax here is only 4.something %!! opposed to 9% on the mainland..

anyways, since i didn't bring my travel journal, i'm gonna have to record everything on blogspot. so here we go!

last night my family and i walked down waikiki boardwalk to find a place to eat since my parents hadn't eaten dinner yet. we ate at cheesecake factory close to midnight hawaii time (3am over on the mainland!). on the way back to the timeshare, we walked over to waikiki beach and my brother and i went to dip our toes in the warm water and soft sand. night shots of the city & beach are beautiful. when we went back to the sidewalk, we started picking plumerias that had already fallen off the trees and inhaled their sweet fragrance. i was literally in heaven. tell me....TELL ME...where else can i do that?? just walk a few minutes to a beach that is still warm at night & pick my favorite flowers off of the ground?? certainly not in california.

when we got back to the hotel, we laughed with a few re-runs of family matters & the cosby show. :)

today for lunch, my family & i ate out with family friends at a place called Longhi's...it's a hawaiian/italian place. we had pineapple juice, macadamia-crusted ahi tuna, crab cakes, a really good salad with candied macadamia nuts, haupia pie, key lime pie, tiramisu, key lime pie, and chocolate souffle. all whilst having a breathtaking view of palm trees and the beautiful ocean with the island breeze. it was amazing. :)

after lunch we walked around ala moana mall for a little bit. i was so glad we did! i was stuffed from lunch! got my first pair of rainbows & grabbed a couple of japanese magazines from shirakiya. didn't do any intense shopping since we're going back tomorrow.

right now, we're at my auntie's house, just relaxing, which was a good move. jet lag is messing with me. i was so tired while we were shopping. it feels nice to unwind for a little bit & not feel like i HAVE to go somewhere.

tonight we're gonna go night swimming/or wading in waikiki again. i can't wait. :)

until later,

aloha from oahu. :)

success. :)

me & event planning have kind of a love-hate relationship.

at times, i love it, and at other times i hate it.

times like last night staying up til 2 a.m., when i knew that i had to wake up at 7:30 a.m., trying to figure out dumb table arrangements make me hate it.

but other times like tonight seeing steven so happy and spending time with friends, makes me love it.

Compassio really has taught me a lot about event planning...keeping my head when things don't go as planned, learning not to micro-manage things/letting other people have creative input, and trying not to snap at people when i'm stressed out. (that last one i'm still working on. sorry guys. =/)

but you know what? everything worked out today! the food turned out well, almost everyone was able to make it, we genuinely surprised steven (our first priority), the photo booth turned out better than jon & i expected, God provided good weather, all of the lights & electrical outlets worked....there's a lot to be thankful for. :)

well, i'm running off of a few hours of sleep, so i should catch some zzz's.

but before i do,

dear Daddy,

thank you so so so so so so so much for letting tonight go well. i was honestly really nervous about tonight. i've talked to You about tonight so many times. but even with little mishaps and bumps in the road, thank you so much that everything worked out. :) thank you that we didn't have to face any major obstacles to stress us out and that things went relatively smoothly.

also, Father, thank you for steven. thank you for what he's done for all of us as a friend group and for the different ways that he's affected us in positive ways. be with him as he leaves for andrews in a little less than two weeks. guide him, watch over him, and bless him as he starts another school year. never leave his side & may he always look to you for guidance. we love You, Daddy.

amen.

*ps. AWWW DANG IT.

i just remembered that i have to pack for hawaii!

shooooottttt! i need to get on that!

ay yi YI this has been a busy week!

better catch up on some sleep. =/

g'night world!

*sigh*.

Jesus: "Sometimes...it takes deep hurts for people to feel their need for Gd."

Nick: "And that's God's plan?"

Jesus: "That's what God is willing to use in a broken world. Your dad's pain drove him to me. And without that wound in your heart, Nick, you wouldn't be sitting here talking with me, either."

- excerpt from Dinner With A Perfect Stranger.

you know what's sad, God? if i wasn't experiencing this pain, i probably wouldn't be talking to You either. You probably would be on the back burner, like You have been for a while. =/

so if this pain is supposed to be my wake-up call...if it's Your way of bringing me back to You, then i welcome it. because then at least something good will have come out of all of this.

i've missed You, Daddy.

i really have.

in the groove.

it feels so good to do photo stuff again. :)

i've been looking at other photographers & paying attention to their different editing styles.

decided to try out a style that i don't normally do. it was fun. :) ^ this picture is more of a ben blood style. i tend to like more of josselyn peterson's style...nice exposure, bright, saturated colors...it's a very clean and crisp look. ben blood's is more of a, uh....how should i describe? rustic...british...sophisticated feel? idk how to describe it, but here are their links if you want to take a peek. :) i really like the both of them.

http://blog.benblood.com/

http://www.josselynpetersonblog.com/

watched the movie "fame" today, which is now officially one of my favorites (minus their decision to cast kay panabaker as one of the leads. seriously, what were they thinking??? she's not the best actress that i've ever met in my life...nor is she the greatest singer. so WHY would they put her in a movie that focus on dance, voice, and theater...?! no clue.....it's beyond me...). anyyyywaayyysss, i liked the movie so much that i already ordered the soundtrack on amazon. :) i'm excited for it to come!

also expecting lightroom3 in the mail soon. it BETTER come soon. spent $286 on that. :( it's okay, it'll most definitely be worth it. it'll make post-processing photo shoots so much easier. i'm excited to play around with it and learn how to use it. :)

today while driving to drayson to go running before my drum lesson, i was thinking about the movie "Fame" and how much i got into it because of its focus on things that i love to do. (the cinematography was really good too, btw!!) i asked myself, "ashlee, when do you feel most alive?" & i realized that the most alive i've felt all summer was when i was doing youthical stuff. i love being on stage. i love acting, i love singing, i love dancing, i love choreographing. yeah, i love photography, but...idk, i don't get the same "high." it's funny, cause i never thought that i'd say that...? but whenever i think about productions like glee, high school musical, (and "fame" today), i can't help but be jealous of the cast and everything that they get to do. yeah, they work super hard...i know that...sometimes they have 12-hr days more than 5 days a week..but you know what? i honestly wouldn't mind if i had to do that. they get to act...and sing...and learn amazing choreo. and after working with each other for so long, the cast really bonds...ahhhh, i'm seriously so jealous of that. i want to be apart of that.

i don't really know what that realization from today is sppsd to mean, and how it affects me. i know that i'm not going to go into it professionally....i'm not good enough and i haven't had formal training in ANY of those categories...besides piano lessons? and the drama team in high school...

when i shadowed uncle iwan, he told me not to confuse my hobbies with my future career aspirations. he used himself as an example. he told me that he LOVES kung fu. when he was younger, his dream was to be a kung fu master. but obviously, right now, he's not a kung fu master. he's a doctor in internal medicine. and he loves being a doctor; he loves his job right now. but he still loves that hobby & he passed on his interest to his sons.

maybe all that my realization means is that i can still be involved when i'm older...but i don't have to do it professionally.

like i can do what des does. he gets youth in the church involved in drama ministries, church praise bands, and he even wants to put on a joint musical between our church and the chinese church!

...oh great.

it's sounding more and more like i want to be a....

...

nvm.

i don't want to say it.

crisis averted.

a fb message this morning totally relieved a LOT of stress that i thought i was going to experience this week.

photo shoot which was sppsd to take place today isn't going to happen til AFTER i get back from hawaii and after they come back from mexico. phew! that took off a huge burden from my shoulders. i had a lot to do today and i have a lot to accomplish this week, too..so not having to worry about that big project certainly made me feel much better.

:)

speaking of today, i went to my dad's dental office to shadow him for a bit.

and i watched him do 2 extractions.

O.O x100.

the first one was pretty bad for me to watch. i had to look away several times and remind myself to breathe. i was holding my breath when i couldn't stand the sight, but didn't realize that i was doing that 'til i started feeling light-headed. thankfully, my stomach wasn't as weak the second time around. i was actually able to watch my dad perform the whole process of extracting the tooth out and threading the suture through the gum. it was not a pretty sight, though, let me assure you.

today, the extractions took about...ehh...idk, 20 minutes? for three teeth? i didn't watch the third extraction, but idk....i'm going to guess 30 minutes at the most for the three teeth. two of the teeth had two roots and one of them had three roots. my dad said that one time he was doing an extraction, and it took one whole hour for him to get just one of the roots out...extractions are not easy jobs.

a while ago, i asked my dad what dental missionaries do when they go on mission trips, and he said that they have to do a lot of extractions. in third-world countries, the people suffer from poor health care and they don't know how to take care of themselves. so when i thought they did simple routine stuff like cleanings & fillings? yeah, not so much. it's hard-work procedures like extractions, root canals, etc.

O_O

yeah, that's all i have to say about that......

overwhelmed.

oh man.
i have so much to do this week.
it's kind of making me sick thinking about all of the MAJOR projects/jobs that i have to finish/take care of before i leave for hawaii next saturday.

qpweorjal;dsfkjqpierja.

i'm so excited for hawaii, you have no idea.

it'll be a much-needed break.

but i'm gonna need to work really hard this week.

*sigh*

there are like a million things going on at the same time.

random thoughts from today:

1. God spoke to me. it was really comforting....and almost bizarre the way that He did.

2. *it's funny how you were afraid that i was going to treat you differently....when really, YOU'RE the one that's treating ME different. and it's really frustrating me.

3. the samoan festival was fun. :) i'm glad i went! even though i had to miss the Youthical cast party. =/

4. MAN i have so many things to take care of!

agggh have to stop blogging & take care of stuff before i go to sleep.

g'night world. sleep well tonight.