infatuation vs. love.

during our extremely late IM conversation the other night,
jed showed me something that he got from a magazine article a long time ago.
he said that it shaped his idea of love for the rest of his life.
i thought he was being dramatic,
but it was actually really good wisdom.

in one of those "ask susie" columns,
someone asked what the difference between love and infatuation was.
this is how the anonymous answer-provider replied:

Infatuation is instant desire. It is one set of glands calling to another.

Love is a friendship that has caught fire. It takes root and grows, one day at a time.

Infatuation is marked by a feeling of insecurity. You are excited and eager, but not genuinely happy. There are nagging doubts, unanswered questions, little bits and pieces about your beloved that you would just as soon not examine too closely. It might spoil the dream.

Love is quiet understanding and the mature acceptance of imperfection. It is real. It gives you strength and grows beyond you to bolster your beloved. You are warmed by his/her presence even when he/she is away. Miles do not separate you. You want him/her nearer, but near or far, you know he/she is yours and you can wait.

Infatuation says, "We must get married right away! I can't risk losing you!"

Love says, "Be patient. Do not panic. Plan your future with confidence."

Infatuation has an element of sexual excitement. If you are honest, you can admit it is difficult to be in one another's company unless you are sure it will end -- in intimacy.

Love is the maturation of friendship. You must be friends before you can be lovers.

Infatuation lacks confidence. When he/she is away you wonder if he/she is cheating. Sometimes you check.

Love means trust. You are calm, secure and unthreatened. Your beloved feels that also and that makes them even more trustworthy.

Infatuation might lead you to do things you will regret later, but love never will.

Love is an upper. It makes you look up. It makes you think up. It makes you a better person.


his/her reply blew my mind away.
it also pointed out some flaws in my thoughts and actions that i want to work on.
crosswalk church's motto is "learning to love well."
that's what i'm going to be working on this new year.
learning to love well.

preparation.

started studying for my DATs today!
not a whole lot, but i started going through the biology section.
my dad recommended that i start studying the PAT section since no one will teach me that.
i just have to practice and practice.
i'll learn bio, chem, and o.chem in school, but no one will go over the PAT section.
that's very true...so i guess i'll start that section soon.

heiba's surprise birthday dinner tonight was a success!
we ate so well! the food was so yummy. mmm. :)

thank you, Father, for amazing friends.
they are Your treasures to me.
and thank you for time to prepare.
thank you, also, for giving me purpose.
for allowing me to be excited about what i'm going into.
it's a good feeling. :)
i love you, Daddy.
amen.

=/

experiencing an emotional ache for multiple reasons.
things will be better tomorrow, i know.
so maybe i should just sleep so that today will end faster?
:(
i hate feeling like this.

thoughts and secrets.

today was a pretty big day for me for several reasons.

one of them is that i know without a doubt that dentistry is my niche. given the specific wants, needs, and characteristics that I have, dentistry is the perfect fit. it's what God created me to be! it's such a satisfying feeling. when i shadowed different doctors in the past (HIV specialist, internist, pediatrician, PT, etc.) i only shadowed a few hours at a time, never the whole day. but today i spent the ENTIRE working day with uncle ken and LOVED it. and if i wasn't tired and if he had more patients, i would have stayed longer. all of the other shadowing dates that i scheduled for this break are not burdens to me. they're not something that i have to do and have to get over with. they are things that i genuinely look forward to! it's so crazy!

there's so much more i could say about the things that i realized today regarding dentistry, but i want to go sleep soon, so i'll end with that.

Daddy,
....
*happy sigh*
thank you
thank you, thank you, thank you.
for answering my prayers.
for Your timing.
for Your goodness.
for....everything.
i thought the day would never come when i would decide on an occupation
and actually feel at peace about it.
but i do.
the day has come.
and not only do i feel at peace about it....
i'm SUPER excited about it. more than i ever thought i could be!
this is it.
this is really it.
& i'm so happy right now.
thank you, thank you, thank you. :)
amen.

*ps. i think i'm really starting to like you.
like...really. :)
^ whatever You want, God....but I really hope that it’s what i want too.

smiles.

today.
was.
amazing.

christmas cantata, my very first flash mob experience at nordstrom (insider and witness), amazing thai food, the BEST shaved ice i've ever tasted, christmas social, Tron, and everything in-between. :)

what a memorable day. :)

thanks for bringing me home safely, Daddy. it was pretty scary coming back in the rain that long of a distance, but thank you for your traveling mercies. and thank you so much for an amazing day. :)
amen.

g'night world!

breath of fresh air.

ohmyGOODNESS.
i LOVE christmas break!!!
i love not having to study for hours on end every night while skipping out on sleep.
i LOVE being able to just relax and hang out and spend time with friends and family without having to worry about making up for studying time later.
i'm seriously so happy right now.
:))))))))
yesterday & today were amazing.
& tomorrow i'm finally gonna go SHOPPING!
something that i've been aching to do for awhile but just haven't had the time.
i've been waiting for tomorrow's shopping date with my mom literally all week!
so excited. :)))

these next three weeks of break are going to be busy,
but it'll be a nice balance of productivity and relax time.
i'm def. looking forward to it. :)

thank you, Father, for things like this that can make me happy.
i really appreciate the fact that You care about my happiness
and that You created me to appreciate the little and the big things in life.
living is so much more enjoyable that way.
thank you for all of the blessing that You've poured out...
a wonderful mom, good food, good friends, quality time with people that matter to me, phone conversations...
all of those things mean a lot to me.
and thank you especially for bringing me through finals week.
i am so glad that it's over.
i love you, Father.
thank you, thank you, thank you.
:)

1000mph.

my head is swimming right now.
i'm so overwhelmed.
sometimes i wish that i knew from the very beginning that i wanted to go into dentistry.
i would have done things so differently.
i would have doubled up in bio & chem last year and taken physics & o.chem this year.
then i could take the DAT this summer and apply for LLU my junior year.
that way,
(if i got accepted),
I could have the option of starting dental school after i graduate
opposed to waiting an additional year for them to process my application.
i would have also taken trig last year instead of waiting.
(i thought i could skip it at AU and just go straight into calc.
so i didn't want to take trig here).
i wouldn't have gone through all of that trouble of even applying to andrews.
i would have stayed in the honors program so that i wouldn't have to make up any classes.

*sigh*
i know that God's timing is perfect and that in hindsight,
i'll see His divine hand every step of the way.
He is good, and i trust His plans.
i trust what He's doing in my life
and i trust the paths that He takes me down to get to where i need to go.
...
but sometimes that requires more faith than i can have at the moment.
this is one of those moments. =/
there's no reason for me to stress out,
i know that...
but i totally am.
there's so much on my mind...
i need someone to help me clear things up!
i can't wait for my appointments with my advisers!
i feel like i need to talk to them now.

i'm also in the process of contacting multiple dentists so that i can shadow them this winter break,
perhaps even starting next week cause i don't have any finals on monday.

i'm super apprehensive about next quarter.
hope i'm making the right decisions and not biting off more than i can chew.
next quarter is going to be HUGE. =/
1) the hardest quarter of bio (at least the hardest teacher)
2) i'm taking a full load (18 units) plus chambers (possibly) plus research
3) the classes that i'll be taking will have homework after every class period. that's going to be a sharp transition from this quarter. the classes that i'm taking this quarter don't have homework everyday, and i'm ALREADY spending so much time studying bio and physics.

AGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!
QWPEROIFJALS;DKFJASLDFJAL;SKJ.
someone save me.
:(

sabbath blessings.

i love friday nights. no matter how my week has gone, friday nights ever since school started have been AMAZING.
tonight was the annual LSU candlelight service, presented by the music department. beautiful christmas music was performed. made my heart happy. :)
then boba cafe with good company.
and talking about the future with amanda.
thank you, God, for good friends, La Sierra, and especially Your sabbath.
thank you for caring about the little stuff that makes me happy. :)

i'm excited for amanda's birthday party tomorrow. :) san gabriel/alhambra + LA!

good night world! better get some shuteye.
happy sabbath. :)

ivories.

WOW.

i just practiced my basic piano scales.

....

i haven't done that in YEARS.

literally YEARS.

oh MAN am i rusty.

if that wasn't a wake-up call, i don't know WHAT is.

new goal:

to be able to translate to the keys what i hear in my head.

....but i have to be comfortable with my scales first.

AH GREAT.

>.<

"one step at a time.

there's no need to rush.

it's like learning to fly or falling in love."

this is a time to treasure,

to cherish.

to enjoy each other,

each other's friendship,

and to get to know each other.

there's no need to rush.

i'll live my life,

you live yours.

i'll focus on the things that i need to.

and so will you.

in the words of pastor sam,

i'll run towards God and my goals.

and if you're running next to me towards the same things,

then....

...nvm, i won't use his exact words.

that's jumping ahead.

but this i know is true:

God's timing is perfect.

we'll take it as it comes.

i'm not going anywhere.

and neither are you.

i'm growing up and letting go of

panicked love, rushed love, antsy love.

immature love.

i'm tossing all of that out.

good things take time.

everything needs its own time to develop and mature properly.

if you pick the peach too soon,

it won't be as sweet as it could have been.

as the old proverb goes:

haste makes waste.

so i'm content to let things take as long as they need.

one step at a time.

God first.

*thanks for the talk tonight, amanda. :)

it's nice to know that God is listening to my prayers

and is bringing people into my life who will go through this with me.

i love you. :)

one day.

my friend is having his interview for LLUSD right now.

oh mann...

it's not even me going in,

but i've been so nervous/excited for him all day today.

one day that's going to be me...

O.o

that's so thrilling and nerve-wracking all at the same time!

AHHH!

teeth doctor.

had a good talk with my dad and mom tonight about dentistry. i had so many questions! there are so many things about dental school and dentistry that i want to learn! & the more i got to know, the more excited i became! dentistry truly IS what i want to pursue. i can't even explain how right this feels...how passionate about it i am...how much i want to learn so that i can be the best dentist that i can. i might possibly want to specialize, but i'm not sure yet. i don't know enough about the different fields to make a decision. i'm pretty sure i won't go into oral surgery or become a periodontist (working with gums). i'm looking into orthodontics or pediodontistry though. i mention ortho. because it's the aesthetic side of dentistry. you're crafting something with your hands to improve people's smiles (if THAT isn't artistic medicine, then i don't know what is! and like i mentioned earlier..[or, maybe i didn't....i can't remember] one of the reasons why i wanted to go into dentistry is because i want to incorporate art into my occupation somehow, and i know for sure that i want to work in the health-care field). pedio- is working with kids, which i love doing anyways. so that's why i'm thinking about that, but idk, we'll see where God leads. :)

oh! my dad's going to help set me up with several dentists and orthodontists in town to shadow. i'm so excited!! :)))) when i was talking with dr. dean the other week, i asked her if i could shadow my dad, and she said that i could, but he won't be able to write a recommendation letter for me. it's best if i spend a lot of time shadowing a dentist who doesn't know me or hasn't known me for a long time so that he/she can give an honest evaluation of how i was as an observer/aspiring dental student and dentist. that was a very good point, so when i mentioned it to my dad today, he started listing off different people that he can contact for me. :))) AHHHHH! i'm so excited. :)))

talking to my dad about this stuff and what he did during his schooling really makes me admire him. i knew that he was smart, but i didn't truly realize HOW smart. he's told me this story probably once before, but the significance of it never hit me. he told me that he applied to UCLA dental school and was one of the first to be accepted and notified. not only that, but he was accepted WITHOUT an interview.

O.o

did you catch that?

withOUT any interview.

do you understand how big that is?!

this is UCLA's dental school we're talking about! not even Loma Linda!

U.C.L-freakin-A.

man, my dad's so smart. he said that his strong science background during undergrad and CLS background helped him a lot in dental school. he hardly studied for these crazy science exams when all of his friends were studying like mad for them. in college, he took a bunch of science classes that he didn't need...like a lot of upper-div science classes...upper-div science classes are no joke. and he took them just because he wanted to. because he was bored and wanted more units.

O.o

who does that?! i mean seriously?!

hhahahhahahha, apparently my dad does! :) and it really paid off for him too!

i'm so proud of him. :)

*sigh, looking ahead to the rest of my academic load this year, it's going to be busy. i'm gonna be overload every quarter. and the next two quarters are the hardest for bio. =/ but you know what? i really can't complain. i think i'm busy, but a lot of my friends have crazy schedules. like amanda's thursdays are 10 a.m. - 8 p.m. straight. chelsea's thursdays are 7 a.m. - 9 p.m. straight, with only one break from 6 - 7 p.m. and ari has a crazy schedule too....so.....yeah, i shouldn't be complaining at all. i guess i just have to learn to manage my time well and get as much sleep as i can.

speaking of sleep, i'm off to do that right now. i need it after this wk. =/

g'night world! sleep well tonight! :)

happy sabbath!

update.

Major: Health Care Management.

Minor: Biology

^(I want to take as many science classes as I can to prep. me for dental school. after talking to my dad and several dental students, this theme kept on coming up: first exposure in undergrad is always better than first exposure in dental school! it's a wise idea to take anatomy, cellular molecular biology, neuroscience, microbio, etc. before you get to dental school. dental school is NOT easy and everything that you can do to make it easier on yourself is a wise idea. all of the classes that are recommended for dentistry are included in the bio minor. so i think i'm going to go with that.)

Honors program: after I ask Dr. Greer and Dr. Malarek to email Dr. Clark my recommendation letters, I'll be in again. that means Turkey trip this summer!!! :)))

Chambers: had my audition on friday and i THINK it went well. Dr. Richards' comments were a little cryptic, but after discussing what he said with current chambers members, i think he was saying good things. turnover is guaranteed, so, though it's not exactly official, i think i'm in. i don't want to say that JUST yet. BUT if it's true, then that means hawaii during spring break! :)))))) *man, i miss that place so much already!

ACA: ...we'll see what happens with this. i still REALLY want to go to italy, but i had a meeting with the ACA office, and the lady there was pushing me to go to spain and learn spanish, especially since i'm going into health care. she gave me this huge talk...uggggggghhhhhhh...idk. in addition to that, if i take italian, there might be complications with the honors program. *sigh. we'll see what happens. i'm crossing my fingers, hoping that i can go to italy. =/

it seems like a lot of money is being spent on trips, but thankfully my parents are a lot more willing to pay since they don't have to pay for tuition for Andrews anymore. it's a huge relief off of their backs. what's nice is that some of my trips are inexpensive or paid for.

thanksgiving mission trip: $250 *relatively cheap

honors trip to turkey: we're still in the process of figuring it out, but my mom talked to someone yesterday, and it's possible that the whole trip while be covered by my scholarship, which would be SWEEET.

chambers tour to hawaii: this one i'll have to pay, but i think part of it will be covered by scholarship that I receive for being in chambers. we'll see though.

ACA: this one i'll have to pay for as well, but it's much cheaper than paying for a whole year of something at LSU, which is $8K.

i'm super excited...God is doing amazing things in front of my eyes, and it's completely blowing me away. :))

no doubt.

there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that i'm making the right decision and that i'm following God's will in staying at LSU to complete my undergrad years. thing after thing happens that's just like...WOW. today was the final "okay, God, i get it!!!" hahahahahhaha!

I just officially switched my major to...

*drum roll please*

health care management!

yes, i know...it doesn't sound very exciting.

but this is actually EXACTLY what i was looking for.

this major is perfect for the pre-dent student.

it's basically 50% science classes

(covering all of the requirements for dentistry and electives in science classes)

and 50% business classes.

here's the description of the major:

"The BS in Health Care Management is designed for the student who wishes to combine the study of business with preparation for admission to post-baccalaureate study in one of the health professions. While incorporating core requirements for admission to medical and dental school, it also features a lean array of business courses (including Professional Practice Management and Fundamentals of Health Care Finance) designed to equip students to understand the business environment within which a private professional practice operates and the business vocabulary and issues they will need to comprehend in order to navigate the increasingly complex world of managed health care."

I can't express the JOY i experience when i met with ms. bauman today and she showed me that the major i was hoping really DID exist. if this wasn't here, i would've had to customize my own major. that involves picking all of the classes for my major while making sure it meets certain stipulations, drafting a list of objectives for the major, meeting with the Dean of the College of Arts and Sciences, having my draft go through a committee, etc. i was willing to do all of that because this is what i really want. but here it is! right here! all set up for me!

and here's the kicker that almost made me burst out laughing from disbelief in front of ms. bauman (but i held it in, don't worry!)...

this major is super new.

how new you ask?

a few years old?

nope.

one year old?

not even.

try this year.

THIS YEAR.

this is the FIRST year they're implementing it.

it's so new that it doesn't even show up on the LSU website,

which is why dr. dean and i couldn't find it.

can you believe it?! THIS YEAR.

it's almost like God waving a huge sign in front of my face saying "NOW do you truly believe that I want you here at LSU?!" He made the perfect major for me the very year that I decided to pursue something that I really want and that i know HE really wants for me. i thought Nutrition Science at AU was perfect for me...but this is even MORE perfect. i can't believe it....it was created THIS year. do you understand how much time i saved by having someone else create this major for me? but do you also understand how incredibly BIZARRE all of this is?!? maybe not since you're not in my position, but this is seriously an answer from God. right after i made the decision to not go to Andrews, i was really sad and i asked God to tell me whether or not i really made the right decision. i had a feeling that i did, but i wanted to be sure.

so many things have come along in the past 2 weeks that have confirmed that i'm exactly where God needs me to be. MAN if i could just tell you!! it's crazy incredible...

i've been so happy these past two weeks. i feel like i finally know where i'm going in life....like i'm growing up. all of my prayers, questions, struggles with God regarding my calling(s) in life have been answered and are resolved.

ahh, there are so many other things that are going on! i wish i could write them down right now so that i can look back on this later and remember, but i have to go to research in a few minutes. maybe i will later.

Daddy,

You are INCREDIBLE.

and completely worthy of all my praise.

You never cease to amaze me.

i love You. :)

suitcases and travel bags.

traveling is EXACTLY what i wanted to do a lot of this year.

if it all works out (and i say IF),

this is what will happen during the course of this year/summer:

thanksgiving break.

location: navajo nation in arizona

reason: mission trip with project pueblo

status: confirmed

spring break.

location: oahu, hawaii

reason: chambers tour

status: TBD

likeliness: high because some altos are dropping out of chambers next quarter and dr. richards said that i'll be first in line

summer '11 (1).

location: turkey

reason: honors program trip

status: TBD

likeliness: i'll get a better idea after my meeting with dr. clark tomorrow and after my decisions about my academic plans and if it's plausible for me to join the honors program again

summer '11 (2).

location: italy

reason: ACA

status: TBD

likeliness: high. i need to complete my language requirements and would prefer to learn the language in the actual country, opposed to a classroom setting for a year at LSU

i'm brimming with excitement!!! more of those statuses should change within this next week! i'm hoping that they'll all be changed to "confirmed!" :)))))

O.o

this is too bizarre right now.

how is it that my mom had a dream last night of you doing something for me that i was secretly wishing you would do.

and how is it that the thoughts that i had after our talk on friday night were somehow the EXACT thoughts that my best friend had of us yesterday....like, exact. from us having a long-term relationship...to, well let's just say way beyond that.

this is too weird. i didn't tell anyone but God about those things. those were like personal secrets.

how is it that not just one, but TWO people who are really close to me had those exact same thoughts?!

i don't really know what to think right now...

it was really weird when amanda shared with me what she had been thinking yesterday.

...but i'm not gonna lie, it was a good weird.

:))

anyways, i hope you know that tonight i'm going to pray for you.

...and whatever the future might hold for us.

'cause i really hope that it does.

:)))

g'night world!

uh-oh.

i know that look.

i know that tone of voice.

i know that move.

may day, may day.

abort, abort, abort.

please don't do this.

last time this happened,

i ended up losing a friend.

don't ruin our friendship please....

please, please, don't.

we're just friends.

besides...

i might be interested in someone else.

who is actually one of your good friends. =X

:) x10.

those 10 seconds that i saw you made my morning.

jumbles in my mind.

dentistry instead of medicine? minor in business management or biology instead of photography? if i DO minor in biology, then summer program? so that instead of ACA? but if i DO do ACA, italy or france? chambers or no? ceramics or no? i don't need it if i don't go into dentistry. next summer i'll be reviewing for the MCAT or DAT, so this is basically my last summer to plan for. work at PSR to save up money for AU? can't do that if i'm doing ACA or the biology summer program. business management would probably be the best idea for me to minor in if i go into dentistry. i need to shadow dentists. and i need to find out what other areas are available for specialty in dentistry. thankfully only 20 hours of shadowing are needed. i can get that done in no time. and if i do more, it'll show how much i want to be one. dentists don't get covered health insurance though, says mom. maybe i really shouldn't minor in photography. should i still stick to nutrition science? should i finish my 2 remaining years here at LSU instead of AU? if i do, then my tuition will be completely paid for. which means i can save up for dental school. but i really want to go to AU. i'm nervous about it, but i'm really excited about it. if i minor in biology, i only have to take 3 more classes after g.bio. and two of them are recommended by LLU for dentistry. so it would make more sense to minor in that instead of photography. but minoring in business would probably be a good idea, since i know absolutely nothing about it. i don't think i'll enjoy the classes, but they'll probably be good for me.

*sharp exhale.

decisions, decisions, decisions.

Father, please lead the way.

don't only open the right doors,

but close the wrong doors

so that i'm sure of Your will.

...

at least the weather outside is nice.

it's raining.

but the air is clear.

humbled.

got kind of discouraged tonight while completing our assignment for mHOUSE. we were supposed to find 2-3 of our best pictures in 4 different categories. i was looking through my previous photoshoots and, as i was flipping through the different shoots, i was overcome with an unexpected emotion. those photographs that i was once so proud of depressed me. i saw so many things that i should have done different...post-processing mistakes, composition flaws, ugly lighting, mis-focusing my subjects (ever since i started using the 50 mm, i've been super sensitive to having things properly focused...i hate it when i don't get it right and something is out-of-focus.) i remember being so pleased with certain shots, but as i looked back on them, i was actually embarrassed of them. i actually felt sorry for the people that i had to give those pictures to & that they had to look at them. i felt foolish for ever putting them online so that others could see. i wanted to delete all of the folders so that no one would ever see them again, including me. it was like a giant pimple that i was desperately trying to hide and cover up before anyone saw it. it was a real blow to my self-esteem, and i didn't expect to feel that. i had to talk to my mom about it because it made me so sad. =/

after talking to her for a while and talking to God in a while, i felt a little better. but it took a while. after my two conversations, i came to the conclusion that i don't have to be depressed or embarrassed by those photographs. rather, they can serve as humble reminders. in addition to that, it's also a sign that i've come a long way and that i've learned a lot. my mom tried to make me feel better by telling me that she's proud of me...that i haven't done too bad for someone who's never taken a photography class. that only made me half-smile. i know of a professional photographer who never took a photo class. he was actually an architect til he picked up a camera, started shooting, and realized that he wasn't too bad at it. rules of composition, art, etc. that he learned in architecture school, he now applied to photography. and he's GOOD.

while looking up other photographers' blogs, i came across another photographer who i really liked and was stunned when i read on her bio page that she has never taken a photography class.

it made me feel so....little. so...insignificant. again, so embarrassed and foolish for ever thinking that i was "good."

peter & i talked about this yesterday...there's so much danger in comparing. it takes a great toll on me, personally, but i do it without even realizing it. =/ i need to learn to stop. i need to focus on MY skills, how I can get better. i don't need to worry about anyone else. and i must never lose sight of my goal to honor and glorify God with my photographs...or anything that i pursue for that matter.

peter & i also talked about how somethings the things that we love, the things that we're passionate about actually become burdens. i mentioned that i love photography, but sometimes it feels a chore. it loses its fun & my love for it dwindles. i definitely felt that tonight. & it's not the first time when i felt like giving up photography altogether. but then i realize that i would be crazy. idk, maybe i need a short break from it or something. =/

wow, this blog did not go where i was trying to go.

it was supposed to end on a happy note....a few paragraphs ago.

oh well. w/e. =/ it's late and i need to go to bed.

see you later, world.

photoshoots etc.

ohmyGOSH. i need to start out by saying that i am SO tired.

i've been sleeping late & waking up early.

ugh, it's this cycle again.

i really wanted to sleep at 10pm this week.

but i have so much to do.

& i'm not even in school!

man, this has GOT to be the BUSIEST summer i've ever had.

not that i'm complaining. it's been a really good summer.

i feel good about being productive.

i've been able to do a lot these past few months.

but i'm getting less sleep than i did during the school year.

i'm so tired...

-__________- zzzZZZ

w/e...anywayyyyssss.

you know what's funny? i've been to downtown redlands 4 times in the past 3 days. i hardly ever go there. but these past 3 days, i've been there 4 times. 1) craig's wedding (sunday) 2) sanga & alexa's bday shoot (monday) 3) redlands sewing (today) 4) peter's photoshoot w/ genmai (today)

i feel really familiar w/ the streets there now. x]

had a good time w/ sanga & alexa yesterday. spent the afternoon doing their photoshoot, went to LLA for alexa's volleyball practice, then ate dinner at their house w/ their family. got to know alexa's parents a little better, which was really nice. x]

i don't think i've really mentioned this to anyone before, but i really like spending time with people's families. i like meeting my friends' parents and siblings, and spending time w/ them. it's like i've been let into another world other than my own. i feel like i've been accepted into a special...belonging? idk how to describe it. but it's a warm feeling. :) i get to see the more personal and intimate interactions between my friends and their family members. you know who a person is when they're around their family because they've been with those people ever since they were born. you can't say that about many other people. you're just so much more natural, so much more yourself when you're with family.

i have really good memories hanging out with my friends' families.

...dinner and watching the bachelor pad with the fraziers,

...PUC road trip with the imais & lunch with auntie dee, elissa, & brianna while shadowing at CHLA,

...birthday parties with the peacocks and meeting ambyr's grandparents after night swimming in their pool,

...washing dishes & cleaning up after jon jon's bday party with the debulgados and snowboarding w/ all of the debulgado boys,

...cooking and eating with the mins,

...shopping at south coast plaza with the angeleses,

...house parties with the hutauruks,

...baking at the oshiros,

...dinner at the vassantacharts,

and the list goes on.

those are all really special memories for me. :)

anyways, moving on to today...

peter's been teaching me the drums this summer (when we can fit in lessons with our busy schedules!). when he asked me to take pictures of him & his dog, of course i said yes! it goes without saying that i enjoy taking pictures, but this photoshoot is also a thank-you gift for his time, since he's not charging me for lessons.

we had such a good time this afternoon and evening. peter & his dog are seriously so cute, for lack of a better word. the interactions between a man and his dog are so....i can't say cute again. adorable? intriguing? heart-warming? all the above. i can't think of a single word that encompasses all of that. (let me know if you think of one!) but as i'm looking through the photos from the day, i can't help but smile. it's so cute how much peter cares about his dog. :)

i think that's why i love portraits so much, especially with more than one person. you can sense chemistry, fondness, affection, etc. by looking at a picture. it was a treat for me to witness the bond between peter and his dog today, as well as the cousin chemistry that sanga & alexa have. it's quite endearing. :)

also had a good talk w/ peter tonight. we went to open kitchen for dinner afterwards and enjoyed good food with a nice breeze outside. i always have good conversations with that kid. :)

oh SHOOT i spent way too much time blogging.

i have to get through another round of filtering pictures before i go to sleep. =/

aggh,

not enough HOURS in the day, i'm TELLING you!!

g'night world!

sleep well tonight.

may the God whom i love so much grant you AND your family peace, grace, and sweet dreams.

:)

love birds.

the hadley's wedding today was SO much fun. :)))

can't wait to put up pictures! i really enjoyed myself!

everything was beautiful, the program was creative, and the wedding was so atypical.

.....which, if you know craig hadley at all, is not surprising. :)

weddings are so much more meaningful when you're close to the people getting married. i was so into every single part of the wedding. not only because i've become really close to craig & kimi and i've met some of their families, but also because i've been "behind the scenes" with their wedding planning. i know how incredibly busy everybody has been planning for this weekend.

this past week, craig was on the phone non-stop finalizing things, making decision, talking to the wedding party, etc. when i'm in the office, i overhear numerous phone conversations about the wedding and craig always talks to me about how busy everything is but how EXCITED he is.

he constantly reminds me the number of days til the wedding..

"ash, 13 more days...13 more days ash til i'm a married man!

...can you believe it?? next sunday, is the big day!

...the days are counting down! 3 more days....3 more days, ash!!!"

and today was finally the day. :)

in a way, i feel like i've been apart of this wedding, and it made it all the more meaningful for me. :)

something that i loved from the homily was when pastor tim said that it wasn't just love that brought them together....God brought them together. that out of the billions of people on earth, he brought those two specific people together. and both craig and kimi nodded their head in agreement. that was extremely special to see and hear. it warmed my heart. :)

it's funny, because when kimi was younger, she swore that she would NEVER be a pastor's wife. hahah, funny how things work out. :)

craig & kimi hadley,

here's to you. :)

i love you both & wish you all the best and God's incredible blessings. :)

love,

ashlee.

ECSTATIC.

!!!!!!!!!!!!! :))))))))))))))

x123456789.

i learned how to watermark using lightroom!!!!!!!!

that seriously just made my life 100x easier!!!!!!!

i tried using iwatermark, the program that andrew recommended. but it doesn't like me for some reason. :( i've spent several hours trying to figure out the kinks and whatnot. my black watermark shows up fine. but for some reason, my white watermark has a white box behind it that shows up on the photo...& that just doesn't fly with me.

BUTTTTTTTTT!! i don't have to worry about that anymore!

because i figured out how to do it on lightroom. :)))))))))

i can sleep easy tonight.

*happy sigh.

i have so many photo projects i've going to work on.

i got even more inspired when i was looking at several photographers' blogs yesterday.

photography is such an art....it really is. it amazes & excites me! i love learning new things about it. and the exciting part is that i have so much to learn!

photo to do list:

+ watermark andi's photoshoot (which i need to do tonight so i can give it to her at church tomorrow).

+ sanga & alexa's birthday shoot on monday.

+ peter's photoshoot w/ genmai (his dog) on tuesday. (my first animal shoot! we'll see how that one goes. animals are so tricky cause they're constantly moving. they're not like humans, who can sit down, pose, and listen to your directions.)

+ blog-type collage of jj.

+ blog-type collage from fiddler on the roof night.

+ finish editing hawaii pictures.

+ craig & kimi's wedding events.

+ all of the misc. photos that i've taken in-btwn.

+ figure out photo decorations for my dorm room!

so much to do! not enough hours in the day!

i need to set aside a day where i can just work on photo stuff....solely photo stuff.

i also need to come up with money so that i can buy a 50 mm f/1.8. it's such a sweet lens.

anyways.....

Daddy,

thank you so much for things that i can be excited about. for things that get my creative juices flowing and for ways that i can express Your incredible creativity. i am nothing without You. my pictures are worthless without Your divine inspiration. thank You so much.

also, thank You for creating things that are worthy of capturing and photographing. it's amazing, the creativity that You have.

i love You, Daddy.

You're pretty much amazing. :)

amen.

*ps. thanks for helping me figure out how to watermark on lightroom! i am seriously so excited about that cause it's going to make my life so much easier!

nervous anticipation.

so tonight began the preparation for the next 7 days.

i'm doing a colon cleanse.

it's really sppsd to be for 10 days,

but i figure that i'm not as old as a lot of the people that have had to do it.

so i don't have as many toxins in my system.

plus, craig & kimi's wedding is in 10 days.

and i can't go straight into eating regular food right after finishing the cleanse.

i have to ease into it a few days before.

so i'm only going to do it for 7 days.

you may ask why i'm crazy enough to do this.

well....for many reasons.

1. LSU caf food. that stuff seriously did weird things to my body. everyday they were serving deep fried stuff for the main course. and they added an incredible amount of cheese to everything. plus they used all processed vegetarian meats, which of course, are extremely high in sodium. i was supposed to do the cleanse after getting out of school. but to be honest, i forgot about it.

and this leads me to reason number 2.

2. at the beginning of summer, i ate out a lot. i had a lot of lunch meetings for Compassio in restaurants or fast food restaurants. plus, i didn't come home til late bc of youthical practices, so i often had to buy dinner....even MORE eating out.

3. when i was in hawaii, we ate out everyday, and we ate a lot. i didn't eat as many fruits and vegetables as i wanted. i usually had meat (whether it was chicken, beef, or fish...mmm ahi tuna!!), carbs (bread, white rice, pastries), and sugar (mmm hawaiian desserts. :)) i wanted to work out and start eating right when i got back, but because of my busy schedule, i wasn't able to go to drayson and, while i have been eating better, it hasn't been outstanding.

therefore,

i am doing the cleanse.

or Master Cleanse (MC) as it's called among the people who participate.

i was reading the book and there are a LOT of good testimonials of what it's done for people.

the obvious one is their health greatly improved because their systems were detoxified...but in addition to thtat, it's helped them lose weight (not pounds, but fat), they felt more energized, they experienced a spiritual journey and received a clarity of mind, some people's skin improved, and one person even get rid of a scar from when they were young! other little things happened too, like their mouth and breath smelled better...stuff like that.

but during these next 7 days, i cannot eat anything at all. i have to take laxative tea in the evening. in the morning when i wake up, i have to drink 1 quart of water with 2 tsp of non-iodized sea salt. and every two hours, i have to drink this "lemonade" which consists of water, organic fresh-squeezed lemon juice, organic maple syrup (not exactly the kind that you put on pancakes...actual fresh syrup from the maple trees), and cayenne pepper.

i don't want to go into detail, explaining everything about the ingredients, and why each thing is good for you because i'm too tired...maybe i will in the days to come.

man, i'm so scared.

but i prayed about this.

and i asked God to do this with me.

plus, i think it will be good for me.

well.......

here goes nothing.

for the next seven days.

=/

'night world.

enjoy food without me....

mama duties.

mm, my hands still smell like the salsa and guac that i made for dinner. :)

today was such a relaxing day. :) it felt good to sleep in & stay at home for once. i'm always up and out of the house. it felt good to just be at home & take care of stuff. actually, today was officially the first day since summer started that i've been home the ENTIRE day. i didn't go out once! & man, did it feel good after running around this whole summer. :)

last night we had a potluck at william & jeremy's house & i ended up cooking for two hours. but i didn't mind. :) manda hutuauruk came & helped me a little bit (man, i've missed that girl!) she washed dishes that i needed & kept an eye on a second pan of dumplings that was being fried. it felt good to "take care" of everyone's dinner & be appreciated for it afterwards. everything was eaten up and no one got sick, so i guess that's a good thing! haha! :)

i enjoyed it so much last night that i decided to cook dinner for my family tonight & that we would all sit around the dining table & eat together. everything that i made was pretty easy, but it took me forever.

*probably 'cause i was taking my time...and was watching glee on hulu at the same time. x]

idk what time i started cooking, but my mom left for work around 12:30 p.m., and i didn't start too long after she left. i edited pictures & went on fb for only a little bit, then i started cooking. so i might've started around....2 p.m. or so? i planned to prepare stuff for in the afternoon then start cooking when my family was close to getting home. i thought i was going to have a several-hour break, but when i finished preparing stuff, it was already 5:30 p.m., so i had to start cooking! we didn't eat til almost 7 p.m., so basically i was in the kitchen for 5 hours today! that sounds about right, cause i watched every single glee episode that hulu had available. x]

oh! so here's what i made today...

my mom cooked spaghetti noodles for jj this morning since he's always hungry when he comes home from school. but we didn't have any spaghetti sauce. we have a lot of feta cheese, and i've been wanting to use it up, so i looked up a recipe on food network. i found one for greek pasta salad with feta cheese and decided to try it.

after that, i started working on dinner. before she left for work, my mom and i looked in our refrigerators to see what kind of groceries we had. we had red and green bell peppers, onions, mushrooms, carne asada beef, red tomatoes, tomatillo tomatoes, and cilantro that my mom wanted me to use up since it was starting to wilt. so with all of these ingredients, i thought of the obvious answer...fajitas!! i searched through our fridges real quick just to make sure that we had tortillas...and low and behold...for some reason, our family has like 4 bags of them! x] so with that, i set off to work. i cut the bell peppers and onions to later be stir-fried, cut up the meat into good fajita chunks and made the marinade for it, utilized the two different kinds of tomatoes for salsa fresca, and decided to make a homemade guacamole as well.

jj helped me clean & set the table so that the house would look clean when my parents got home. they were very appreciative of that and the dinner. :) we all sat around the table and ate and prayed together, which we hardly EVER do! so that was really nice. :)

my mom made almond jello the other day, so we ate that with lychee and watermelon for dessert. it was just perfect. not too sweet, not too heavy. and there wasn't a whole lot of it, so the amount that each of us took was just enough to make us full.

my mom was happy to do the dishes, which i was glad for. i was so tired after dinner, so i just helped put everything away and cleaned out our freezer and cupboard a bit. after that i took a small nap, then took a shower before bringing down the ironing board and i ironed our clothes while watching monk. i planned on cleaning the house today, but didn't get to cause i ran out of time.

*sorry if you read all that and were completely bored out-of-your mind, yawning & thinking, "ash, i do that stuff all the time at home. that's nothing special." i seriously haven't been home this summer, so i haven't been able to do any of that stuff. and during the school year, i'm not at home cause i live in the dorm. when i come home on the weekends, i'm usually busy studying or am out somewhere else. so i don't do any of this. it felt really nice to be able to do it today and give my mom a break. :) she's packing some of the pasta that i made for jj for his lunch tomorrow, so i'm glad that she doesn't have to worry about that.

i should go sleep. i need to wake up early and get my TB skin test done before i go to work.

*yawns.

g'night world.

hope you had a good day today.

:)

andi's senior portraits.

i am seriously so excited!

the photoshoot went really well today!

while we didn't go to the location that we were

originally planning on, we found a really nice spot at a different beach. i was so excited when we walked down the stairs from the road & i saw GIMONGOUS waves. i thought "wow, if she wants to stand in front of them, i could get some REALLY nice shots of huge waves behind her right before they crash!" & she was excited too. :)

so yeah, everything went really well!

....minus a few mishaps..

one of them including me being scared to death cause i thought that andi was in serious danger.

i was shooting with her and i standing in the water. everything was fine until one of the huge waves that i once stood in awe of caught her by surprise and completely enveloped her. she got soaking wet but we thought she was going to be okay.

however, a few seconds later, another HUGE wave came along and did the same thing.

but this one knocked her down in the water. and since the waves were so huge, it also dragged her away from shore. i seriously lost visual of her for a few seconds, which was extremely scary.

she kept on trying to recover, but wave after wave kept on coming, and before i knew it, she was like 30 feet away from me.

i looked out at her and felt sickly worried to see a panicked look on her face with her arm reaching out, trying to struggle to get back to shore before being pulled out even farther.

i was so freaked out...i didn't know what to do. i wanted to dive in after her but i

was in shock from getting wet myself, and plus i had a camera in my hand. on top of that, the lens wasn't mine. i was stuck and panicked.

*sharp exhale*

thankfully the strong waves soon gave out and more mild ones took their place, allowing her to come back to shore.

praise God that she' s okay. i was seriously EXTREMELY worried.

also, thankfully there were another adults around. when one of them realized what was happening, he ran over to us, ready to go in the water if necessary, but she had already come out. i was relieved to know that if something had happened, God had provided other people who were capable of helping.

*sigh*

i have a taste of what it must have felt like to be under the power of the water. while i was shooting, several waves caught me by surprise and i was not expecting the amount of force that they had. they didn't get past my waist, but i certainly felt their power, especially when they were receding. i can't even imagine what she was feeling being completely immersed in it.

andi came out of the water, putting on a brave face, laughing, and saying that it was scary then, but when she looks back on it, it was actually fun. she shrugged it off saying that it wasn't so bad; she's been swept away by currents many times before.

.....

that silly girl.

she's always the daredevil.

scared me half to death.

idk if she knows how genuinely scared i was.

to be honest, i might have nightmares about it.

*sharp exhale again*

i just keep on thanking God that everything's okay.

my brand new pink parasol that she used was totally thrashed when she went under,

but hey.....i'd take andi over a parasol ANY day of the week.

on a happier note,

i am so pleased that chelsea's 50 mm did its job today. bc the aperture can go down to 1.8, it allowed me to take kinds of pictures that my 18-55 can't. i was amazed at how much i liked the depth of field in a lot of the photos! i seriously need to get my hands on one!! i need to find one with a good price though. =/

another thing that i'm super happy about is light room 3. :))))) that program is seriously A-MA-ZINGGGGGG. i can't believe i was without it all this time!! i'm so impressed with all of the capabilities and functions that it has. the way that the creators programmed it will seriously make my life 10x easier when editing! ahhh!! :)))) it was well worth my money!!

i haven't edited any of the pictures at all,

but here's a small teaser:

a third exciting thing is that tonight, for the first time, i used the tablet that robert gave me for my birthday last year. i got so many ideas for how i'll use it in the future...

my head is just swimming with giddyness & inspiration. :))

God answered my prayer, i guess. :)

anyways, i'm headed off to bed.

g'night world. :)

hello. :)

it feels like i haven't blogged in a while.

well, if it really matters to you, which it probably doesn't,

here's a small update on my life:

+ hawaii was AMAZING. beautiful weather, scenery, good food, and everything that comes with that. :) i'm so happy that i actually had a DSLR while in hawaii. the last few times that i went, i didn't. after i got keeka, i remember being really upset that i didn't have one while i was in hawaii.

+ went to cheesecake factory for dinner last night. craig took liz & i as a thank-you for directing glee club for Compassio. kimi came as well. it was really fun. :) & we had good food! it was crazy though...the staff sang "happy birthday" literally SEVEN times while we were there. SEVEN!! & every single time, they went off key. we couldn't stop laughing at them. x]

+ went to temecula to see Fiddler On The Roof tonight with liz & des. the purpose of the trip was to see whether or not we could produce this as a joint musical between LLJC & LLCC. paid special attention to stage set-up, lighting cues, choreography, cast, etc. it was a good experience. we discussed a lot on the way home....we'll see what happens! if we DO do it, it's going to be a HUGE project, costing somewhere around $10-$15 K. that's not even counting the time, energy, and effort that will be spent on this endeavor. so...idk, we'll see! btw, i'm totally loving old town temecula. lOTS of great photo spots there! most def. going back when it's not so hot.

+ lightroom 3 FINALLY came in the mail today!!! i was so overjoyed!! :)) & since it came so late (2 weeks after i ordered it....& i paid extra for expedited shipping), i got my shipping refunded. that made me both mad & happy. mad bc i was expecting it two weeks ago. i paid for expedited shipping for a REASON. i needed it w/in a matter of days from when i ordered it. but happy bc i got some money refunded....hey, don't hate. i'm chinese. every dollar counts! ^-^

+ played around with cheslea's 50 mm f/1.8 that she lent me. practicing with it bc i have 3 photo shoots scheduled for the near future...a senior portrait this wknd! it's kinda hard for me to get used to cause it's a fixed lens. it feels so weird not being able to zoom in & zoom out. out of habit, i would position my hand on the lens, ready to zoom in/out, then realize that i can't. also, it throws off my light meter a little bit. the meter will say that the picture is underexposed, but when i shoot it, it's perfect. when i move it a few f stops up to where it says the exposure is right, it ends up being TOO bright. so i'm trying to adjust to that. also, i'm working with a much different aperture range than what i'm used to. my 18-55 only goes to f/3.5, where as the 50 mm goes to f/1.8. so it feels weird when my shutter speed is like 1/2000 but the picture won't be underexposed. what i DO love about this lens though is that it challenges me. i take such different pictures with this lens....i love it! it forces me to be creative and to see and capture things from a different perspective. plus, i love the way that the f/1.8 pictures turn out. :))) i def. can't get THOSE kinds of shots with my 18-55! i really hope that i can get one of these lenses before summer ends...but idk, we'll see. i've spent hundreds of dollars already on Lightroom & my new phone's payments. so....*sigh. idk, we'll see if it'll work out. i really hope that i can, though, cause i'll be photographing a lot this next year for LSU and i'd like to become really comfortable with this lens.

anyways, i need to wake up early. got a full day ahead of me. i don't get to sleep in & go in to work at 1pm like i usually do on fridays. tomorrow i actually have to go in at 8:45 am. craig & i are going to visit LL's chapel, RAA's handshake-type-of-thing, and possibly even mesa grande before going back to the office to prepare stuff for Compassio. so...yeah, tomorrow will def. be busy! but i'm excited about it. :) i'm actually really looking forward to going to LL's chapel! we'll see how that turns out. :)

g'night world! sleep well tonight!

*huge hug.

bittersweet.

minus the sweet.

i don't like memories.

=/

guess you're leaving in a couple of hours.

and i won't even get to say bye.

...

notlikethatmatterstoyou.

sowhyshoulditmattertomeright?

QWEPROIJQWPEORIJ.

...goingtosleep.

thatwayican'tthinkaboutit.

g'nightworld.

aloha. :)

i can't even begin to explain how much i love this place.

to wake up in the morning to clear blue skies, an ocean that is different shades of blue, beautiful green grass, mountains, & trees, wispy clouds, light breezes...

that's why hawaii is my most favoritest place on earth. :))

...not that i don't love so-cal. i was thinking about it on the plane. i really am thankful to live in so-cal. it's a really nice place with a lot going on. i like that. so don't get me wrong, i really like california. but right now, i'm literally in heaven. i am SO happy to be here.

i love the weather, the flora & fauna, the culture, the food, even the tax! tax here is only 4.something %!! opposed to 9% on the mainland..

anyways, since i didn't bring my travel journal, i'm gonna have to record everything on blogspot. so here we go!

last night my family and i walked down waikiki boardwalk to find a place to eat since my parents hadn't eaten dinner yet. we ate at cheesecake factory close to midnight hawaii time (3am over on the mainland!). on the way back to the timeshare, we walked over to waikiki beach and my brother and i went to dip our toes in the warm water and soft sand. night shots of the city & beach are beautiful. when we went back to the sidewalk, we started picking plumerias that had already fallen off the trees and inhaled their sweet fragrance. i was literally in heaven. tell me....TELL ME...where else can i do that?? just walk a few minutes to a beach that is still warm at night & pick my favorite flowers off of the ground?? certainly not in california.

when we got back to the hotel, we laughed with a few re-runs of family matters & the cosby show. :)

today for lunch, my family & i ate out with family friends at a place called Longhi's...it's a hawaiian/italian place. we had pineapple juice, macadamia-crusted ahi tuna, crab cakes, a really good salad with candied macadamia nuts, haupia pie, key lime pie, tiramisu, key lime pie, and chocolate souffle. all whilst having a breathtaking view of palm trees and the beautiful ocean with the island breeze. it was amazing. :)

after lunch we walked around ala moana mall for a little bit. i was so glad we did! i was stuffed from lunch! got my first pair of rainbows & grabbed a couple of japanese magazines from shirakiya. didn't do any intense shopping since we're going back tomorrow.

right now, we're at my auntie's house, just relaxing, which was a good move. jet lag is messing with me. i was so tired while we were shopping. it feels nice to unwind for a little bit & not feel like i HAVE to go somewhere.

tonight we're gonna go night swimming/or wading in waikiki again. i can't wait. :)

until later,

aloha from oahu. :)

success. :)

me & event planning have kind of a love-hate relationship.

at times, i love it, and at other times i hate it.

times like last night staying up til 2 a.m., when i knew that i had to wake up at 7:30 a.m., trying to figure out dumb table arrangements make me hate it.

but other times like tonight seeing steven so happy and spending time with friends, makes me love it.

Compassio really has taught me a lot about event planning...keeping my head when things don't go as planned, learning not to micro-manage things/letting other people have creative input, and trying not to snap at people when i'm stressed out. (that last one i'm still working on. sorry guys. =/)

but you know what? everything worked out today! the food turned out well, almost everyone was able to make it, we genuinely surprised steven (our first priority), the photo booth turned out better than jon & i expected, God provided good weather, all of the lights & electrical outlets worked....there's a lot to be thankful for. :)

well, i'm running off of a few hours of sleep, so i should catch some zzz's.

but before i do,

dear Daddy,

thank you so so so so so so so much for letting tonight go well. i was honestly really nervous about tonight. i've talked to You about tonight so many times. but even with little mishaps and bumps in the road, thank you so much that everything worked out. :) thank you that we didn't have to face any major obstacles to stress us out and that things went relatively smoothly.

also, Father, thank you for steven. thank you for what he's done for all of us as a friend group and for the different ways that he's affected us in positive ways. be with him as he leaves for andrews in a little less than two weeks. guide him, watch over him, and bless him as he starts another school year. never leave his side & may he always look to you for guidance. we love You, Daddy.

amen.

*ps. AWWW DANG IT.

i just remembered that i have to pack for hawaii!

shooooottttt! i need to get on that!

ay yi YI this has been a busy week!

better catch up on some sleep. =/

g'night world!

*sigh*.

Jesus: "Sometimes...it takes deep hurts for people to feel their need for Gd."

Nick: "And that's God's plan?"

Jesus: "That's what God is willing to use in a broken world. Your dad's pain drove him to me. And without that wound in your heart, Nick, you wouldn't be sitting here talking with me, either."

- excerpt from Dinner With A Perfect Stranger.

you know what's sad, God? if i wasn't experiencing this pain, i probably wouldn't be talking to You either. You probably would be on the back burner, like You have been for a while. =/

so if this pain is supposed to be my wake-up call...if it's Your way of bringing me back to You, then i welcome it. because then at least something good will have come out of all of this.

i've missed You, Daddy.

i really have.

in the groove.

it feels so good to do photo stuff again. :)

i've been looking at other photographers & paying attention to their different editing styles.

decided to try out a style that i don't normally do. it was fun. :) ^ this picture is more of a ben blood style. i tend to like more of josselyn peterson's style...nice exposure, bright, saturated colors...it's a very clean and crisp look. ben blood's is more of a, uh....how should i describe? rustic...british...sophisticated feel? idk how to describe it, but here are their links if you want to take a peek. :) i really like the both of them.

http://blog.benblood.com/

http://www.josselynpetersonblog.com/

watched the movie "fame" today, which is now officially one of my favorites (minus their decision to cast kay panabaker as one of the leads. seriously, what were they thinking??? she's not the best actress that i've ever met in my life...nor is she the greatest singer. so WHY would they put her in a movie that focus on dance, voice, and theater...?! no clue.....it's beyond me...). anyyyywaayyysss, i liked the movie so much that i already ordered the soundtrack on amazon. :) i'm excited for it to come!

also expecting lightroom3 in the mail soon. it BETTER come soon. spent $286 on that. :( it's okay, it'll most definitely be worth it. it'll make post-processing photo shoots so much easier. i'm excited to play around with it and learn how to use it. :)

today while driving to drayson to go running before my drum lesson, i was thinking about the movie "Fame" and how much i got into it because of its focus on things that i love to do. (the cinematography was really good too, btw!!) i asked myself, "ashlee, when do you feel most alive?" & i realized that the most alive i've felt all summer was when i was doing youthical stuff. i love being on stage. i love acting, i love singing, i love dancing, i love choreographing. yeah, i love photography, but...idk, i don't get the same "high." it's funny, cause i never thought that i'd say that...? but whenever i think about productions like glee, high school musical, (and "fame" today), i can't help but be jealous of the cast and everything that they get to do. yeah, they work super hard...i know that...sometimes they have 12-hr days more than 5 days a week..but you know what? i honestly wouldn't mind if i had to do that. they get to act...and sing...and learn amazing choreo. and after working with each other for so long, the cast really bonds...ahhhh, i'm seriously so jealous of that. i want to be apart of that.

i don't really know what that realization from today is sppsd to mean, and how it affects me. i know that i'm not going to go into it professionally....i'm not good enough and i haven't had formal training in ANY of those categories...besides piano lessons? and the drama team in high school...

when i shadowed uncle iwan, he told me not to confuse my hobbies with my future career aspirations. he used himself as an example. he told me that he LOVES kung fu. when he was younger, his dream was to be a kung fu master. but obviously, right now, he's not a kung fu master. he's a doctor in internal medicine. and he loves being a doctor; he loves his job right now. but he still loves that hobby & he passed on his interest to his sons.

maybe all that my realization means is that i can still be involved when i'm older...but i don't have to do it professionally.

like i can do what des does. he gets youth in the church involved in drama ministries, church praise bands, and he even wants to put on a joint musical between our church and the chinese church!

...oh great.

it's sounding more and more like i want to be a....

...

nvm.

i don't want to say it.

crisis averted.

a fb message this morning totally relieved a LOT of stress that i thought i was going to experience this week.

photo shoot which was sppsd to take place today isn't going to happen til AFTER i get back from hawaii and after they come back from mexico. phew! that took off a huge burden from my shoulders. i had a lot to do today and i have a lot to accomplish this week, too..so not having to worry about that big project certainly made me feel much better.

:)

speaking of today, i went to my dad's dental office to shadow him for a bit.

and i watched him do 2 extractions.

O.O x100.

the first one was pretty bad for me to watch. i had to look away several times and remind myself to breathe. i was holding my breath when i couldn't stand the sight, but didn't realize that i was doing that 'til i started feeling light-headed. thankfully, my stomach wasn't as weak the second time around. i was actually able to watch my dad perform the whole process of extracting the tooth out and threading the suture through the gum. it was not a pretty sight, though, let me assure you.

today, the extractions took about...ehh...idk, 20 minutes? for three teeth? i didn't watch the third extraction, but idk....i'm going to guess 30 minutes at the most for the three teeth. two of the teeth had two roots and one of them had three roots. my dad said that one time he was doing an extraction, and it took one whole hour for him to get just one of the roots out...extractions are not easy jobs.

a while ago, i asked my dad what dental missionaries do when they go on mission trips, and he said that they have to do a lot of extractions. in third-world countries, the people suffer from poor health care and they don't know how to take care of themselves. so when i thought they did simple routine stuff like cleanings & fillings? yeah, not so much. it's hard-work procedures like extractions, root canals, etc.

O_O

yeah, that's all i have to say about that......

overwhelmed.

oh man.
i have so much to do this week.
it's kind of making me sick thinking about all of the MAJOR projects/jobs that i have to finish/take care of before i leave for hawaii next saturday.

qpweorjal;dsfkjqpierja.

i'm so excited for hawaii, you have no idea.

it'll be a much-needed break.

but i'm gonna need to work really hard this week.

*sigh*

there are like a million things going on at the same time.

random thoughts from today:

1. God spoke to me. it was really comforting....and almost bizarre the way that He did.

2. *it's funny how you were afraid that i was going to treat you differently....when really, YOU'RE the one that's treating ME different. and it's really frustrating me.

3. the samoan festival was fun. :) i'm glad i went! even though i had to miss the Youthical cast party. =/

4. MAN i have so many things to take care of!

agggh have to stop blogging & take care of stuff before i go to sleep.

g'night world. sleep well tonight.

yes, another post so soon after.

i've been looking through different portrait photographers' websites and blogs for the past half hour or so.

one photographer that i like to follow is ben blood. he did engagement photos for two couples that i know and i seriously LOVE his photos.

this is a picture from one of his sessions...probably one of the CUTEST/most creative engagement shoots that i've ever seen. it showed so much of the couple's personality and character as well as their love for each other. totally fell in love with it.

if you wanna check out the whole thing & many other of his shoots, go to http://blog.benblood.com/.

when i get engaged/married, i'm gonna be so picky as to who our photographer is. i want them to be really good...even if they're one of the most expensive things that i pay for. as i've mentioned before, pictures mean a lot to me. like....a LOT.

one of my friends proposed to his gf a few weeks ago and you know how he did it? he invited several of their mutual friends to huntington gardens & he set up a photo scavenger hunt. they had to take pictures acting out certain things or posing in certain ways with different elements in the garden. then at the very end, they ended up in the gazebo, he got down on one knee, and pulled out the ring. :))))))

*insert happy, girly sigh.

honestly, if that were me, i would've LOVED that. it shows thoughtfulness, time, energy, effort, and best of all, good friends were around and pictures were taken to chronicle it all! idk how she felt about all of it, but i was seriously melting when i heard the story. it sounded absolutely perfect. :)

*happy sigh.

okay, that's enough girly-ness for now.

i should be heading off to bed! x]

g'night world! sweet dreams!

hmmm.

this is going to be harder than i thought.

=/

after talking things out and making sure that we understood each other,

i thought that things were going to be fine.

but...

i guess it's not as easy as i imagined.

*wise words from peter:

keep things in perspective.

lesson learned from recent events:

sometimes, less is more.

pool.

i was looking for pictures of swimming pools to put in the announcement slide for Compassio.

came across this picture & just had to share it.

pretty tight huh? :)

oh, today.

random things from today:

+ i need to perfect my smash in badminton. *my arm's gonna be sore tomorrow. =/

+ lesson learned: i will never play badminton with sid again. i will only watch.

+ i miss hula. i'm excited for our new dress!

+ movie theaters are so dumb. & so is 3-D.

+ toy story 3. good movie. NOT worth $14. -________-

+ weird store sign: "_________ more affordable than divorce." x]

+ the red bean teazer at ten ren disappointed me today. :(

+ love potion + roy + guy cashier. HAHAHAHAHAH! x]

+ i need to find my ipod. :(

mm, drayson felt so good today. i haven't been there in a week.

maybe swimming tomorrow? :)

g'night world!

*phew.

Youthical today was quite...interesting.

we suffered many technical difficulties, which really disappointed me.

after all of the hard work that we put into this, we needed things to run smoothly & we needed to sound good. what's the use in practicing so hard if the audience can't hear us?

but w/e. there are things that aren't in our control.

we're not professional.

i can't let it bother me.

i have to be proud of all of us.

i have to focus on the positive things.

like...

Youthical is so much more than a show or a fundraiser.

it's done a lot of things for us.

for example:

#1) it's given people a chance to do things that they normally wouldn't do. like giving solos to those who don't normally sing and letting them experience being on stage. or giving people a chance to choreograph dance. (case in point, me! i've never choreographed anything in my life before...but i choreographed some hip hop and waltz-y stuff for tonight! & it was so much fun!)

#2) it brought all of us closer together as friends. and we got to know people that we normally wouldn't hang out with. i've spent well over 50 hours with these people working on this project. i was there at 6pm and didn't leave til 10:30/11:00p.m. everyday. last sunday, i had dance practice for 5 hours and 3 hours the next day. trust me, i've spent a LOT of time with those people. but it's been good. :)

#3) it brought the community together and let them be proud of their young people. we proved to the adults that we are capable of doing something as big as this by ourselves. we had no adult guidance whatsoever...it was all run by us.

i need to let the critical perfectionist side of me let go of all of the errors, off-notes, and mess-ups from tonight.

tonight was a good night. i was running out of breath by the end bc of all the outfit changes right after another, but i had a LOT of fun & i'm really proud of us.

"we are a family // like a giant tree // branching out to the sky // we are a family // we are so much more // than just you and i."

here's to you, Youthical cast!

thanks for an amazing experience. :)))

*now off to bed for badminton in 7.5 hours...& then hula practice afterwards!

ps. thanks God. :) i hope you enjoyed the show tonight!

stressed.

whoever thought that summertime was the time for stress? =/

not me, at any rate.

i'm about to scream & pull my hair out...there are so many things that i need to do!

and i'm really nervous! :(

here are a few of the bajillion things going through my mind right now...

+ i have to teach sabbath school on saturday. one of my least favorite jobs. junior high kids are a TOUGH crowd. i looked over the lesson once, but i need to figure out how to make it engaging. my last experience was a terrible one. it made me want to never teach there again. but this week i'm obligated too. :( & i have such little time to work on it tomorrow. :((

+ i need to figure out all of my costumes & changes for youthical. still haven't done that! might need to go shopping real quick tomorrow, but i hardly have any time for that. =/

+ i'm missing dress rehearsal tomorrow bc i have to be at Compassio, and that is REALLY stressing me out. i NEED to be at dress rehearsal. i need to make sure that i have enough time to change in-between songs & whatnot...the glee medley quick change makes me nervous. idk if i have enough time.

+ i need to memorize the words to two of my songs. haven't done that yet. AGGGGGHHH.

+ i need to come up with a game for Compassio tomorrow and make a slide. i'm so bad at games...i have no idea what to do!!!

+ glee club practice tomorrow. our first performance is next week and only three people have showed up for practice. how am i sppsd to work with that?! plus i need soloists for "dream on" the week after that. i need my sheet music for "imagine" to come in ASAP!!!! & i need to finish figuring out the sign language part for "imagine" so that i can teach everyone.

+ we just practiced one of the Youthical songs tonight....for the first time.............

enough said.

QWEPROIJADLS;KFJQPOEFJASL;DK

do you see why i'm feeling just a liiiiiitttttttlleeeee bit like a headless chicken running around in circles?!?! my head hurts bc i haven't been getting enough sleep. i'm so tired, but there are so many things that i need to do!!! :((

*sigh*

oh, Lord.....help me, help me.

i'm so nervous that i'm missing dress rehearsal tomorrow...

& that i haven't gotten my words memorized...

or my outfits finalized..

ugh, there i go again. & the cycle of stressful thoughts repeat themselves. =/

perfect timing.

^{from my friend's tumblr.}

⁶Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

—Philippians 4:6-7

this fit in perfectly with everything that's been going on.

from the fact that i'm really nervous & stressed out cause craig's gone & i have to manage everything...

to being stressed out about career decisions and school decisions...

this was just what i needed to read.

i'm trying to redirecting my focus.

oh help me, Lord.

frustrated.

QWEPROIJADL;KFJ

why did things have to go wrong?

why couldn't they all have worked out perfectly?

make everyone happy?

i miss those days when both of us were really happy.

i distinctly remember certain occasions and events from last summer as i go through this one.

and it's def. bitter sweet.

ugh, today was weird.

i didn't like it.

maybe i'm just making it more than it really is.

*sigh*

i wish i could rewind time.

then freeze it. =/

*i knew i shouldn't have gotten myself into this again.

i honestly shouldn't want it again.

but i miss that feeling that you used to give me.

and that i used to give you.

i remember the way you used to look at me.

& hold me.

& now....

day recap.

today was quite an eventful day!

but it's been really fun. :)

went to drayson. did upper body. hopefully i won't be sore tomorrow. =/ my lower body is still recovering from sunday. -___________- i'm so weak. after working out, i was craving souplantation really badly, so drove there on the way home. i got to souplantation, parked my car.....then realized that i didn't have my wallet with me. -__________- so i had to go back home, shower, get my stuff, then drive back.

in the evening after work, we drove to the Emeritus retirement home for Compassio's service event. i have to say, it was a lot more enjoyable than i thought. i met really interesting people and had wonderful conversations with them. it's definitely different talking to people who have lived their whole lives and can tell you about all of the adventures that they had when they were younger, all the wisdom that they've acquired, etc. let me introduce you to some of them...

person #1) heidi, a 93-year-old lady from germany.

i really liked her. she had a strong german accent, and though she was 93, she was completely lucid, and could carry a good conversation with me. she has three kids--two daughters, and one son. one of her daughter's family lives in alaska, and her son lives in idaho, which is where their whole family used to live before moving out to cali.

person #2 & 3) mmm, can't remember their names. but they're a couple from kauai. immediately liked them for obvious reasons. :) they were really friendly & talkative, so i liked them.

person #4) also forgot her name, but she's quite a character. she had no problem telling andi and i that she was cheating on her husband. she even introduced us to her boyfriend. x] kinda weird....elderly people saying that they have....boyfriends. but w/e. i guess it's cute? if anything, she was really entertaining. she could talk to kingdom come. :)

person #5 & 6) david & adela. they were a nice couple. i admired david a lot. he was a university professor in several different countries in europe. he's done his fair share of traveling for SURE! he was also a missionary for 22 years. incredible man. was full of great stories. sometimes didn't know when to stop talking, though. :)

i'm really glad that we went today. i got a lot out of the experience, and i was truly blessed to meet those people. :)

after that, went next door to chinese church for youthical practice. THAT was really fun too! we worked on our glee medley. all the boys learned the choreography for "it's my life" and us girls worked on "say a little prayer." hahahaha, except....for the girls' part, we kinda had to edit the choreography cause parts of it were.....non-adventist approved. if you watch the dance on youtube, you'll know what i mean. x]

and after the general chorus left, some of us stayed to work on the choreography for "can i have this dance" from hsm3. i'm so glad that we're doing that song. :)

i'm really excited for Youthical! people might not come...or at least, not as many as we hope for, which is definitely disappointing after all the work, time, and energy that we put into it. but it's been a really good experience for all of us, if nothing else. we've had a lot of fun with each other rehearsing for the past several weeks. :)

for those of you reading this, if you can or would like to come to Youthical,

it's next saturday night!

july 17, 7:30pm.

chan auditorium at LLA. :)

we'd all really appreciate it if you came!