frustrated.

QWEPROIJADL;KFJ

why did things have to go wrong?

why couldn't they all have worked out perfectly?

make everyone happy?

i miss those days when both of us were really happy.

i distinctly remember certain occasions and events from last summer as i go through this one.

and it's def. bitter sweet.

ugh, today was weird.

i didn't like it.

maybe i'm just making it more than it really is.

*sigh*

i wish i could rewind time.

then freeze it. =/

*i knew i shouldn't have gotten myself into this again.

i honestly shouldn't want it again.

but i miss that feeling that you used to give me.

and that i used to give you.

i remember the way you used to look at me.

& hold me.

& now....

day recap.

today was quite an eventful day!

but it's been really fun. :)

went to drayson. did upper body. hopefully i won't be sore tomorrow. =/ my lower body is still recovering from sunday. -___________- i'm so weak. after working out, i was craving souplantation really badly, so drove there on the way home. i got to souplantation, parked my car.....then realized that i didn't have my wallet with me. -__________- so i had to go back home, shower, get my stuff, then drive back.

in the evening after work, we drove to the Emeritus retirement home for Compassio's service event. i have to say, it was a lot more enjoyable than i thought. i met really interesting people and had wonderful conversations with them. it's definitely different talking to people who have lived their whole lives and can tell you about all of the adventures that they had when they were younger, all the wisdom that they've acquired, etc. let me introduce you to some of them...

person #1) heidi, a 93-year-old lady from germany.

i really liked her. she had a strong german accent, and though she was 93, she was completely lucid, and could carry a good conversation with me. she has three kids--two daughters, and one son. one of her daughter's family lives in alaska, and her son lives in idaho, which is where their whole family used to live before moving out to cali.

person #2 & 3) mmm, can't remember their names. but they're a couple from kauai. immediately liked them for obvious reasons. :) they were really friendly & talkative, so i liked them.

person #4) also forgot her name, but she's quite a character. she had no problem telling andi and i that she was cheating on her husband. she even introduced us to her boyfriend. x] kinda weird....elderly people saying that they have....boyfriends. but w/e. i guess it's cute? if anything, she was really entertaining. she could talk to kingdom come. :)

person #5 & 6) david & adela. they were a nice couple. i admired david a lot. he was a university professor in several different countries in europe. he's done his fair share of traveling for SURE! he was also a missionary for 22 years. incredible man. was full of great stories. sometimes didn't know when to stop talking, though. :)

i'm really glad that we went today. i got a lot out of the experience, and i was truly blessed to meet those people. :)

after that, went next door to chinese church for youthical practice. THAT was really fun too! we worked on our glee medley. all the boys learned the choreography for "it's my life" and us girls worked on "say a little prayer." hahahaha, except....for the girls' part, we kinda had to edit the choreography cause parts of it were.....non-adventist approved. if you watch the dance on youtube, you'll know what i mean. x]

and after the general chorus left, some of us stayed to work on the choreography for "can i have this dance" from hsm3. i'm so glad that we're doing that song. :)

i'm really excited for Youthical! people might not come...or at least, not as many as we hope for, which is definitely disappointing after all the work, time, and energy that we put into it. but it's been a really good experience for all of us, if nothing else. we've had a lot of fun with each other rehearsing for the past several weeks. :)

for those of you reading this, if you can or would like to come to Youthical,

it's next saturday night!

july 17, 7:30pm.

chan auditorium at LLA. :)

we'd all really appreciate it if you came!

reading, writing, arithmetic.

remember that song as a kid?

reading, writing, arithmetic...

reading, writing, arithmetic...

reading, writing, arithmetiiiiiccc...

....

i forgot what comes after that.

but anyways,

i grabbed a book for me to read this past wknd.

i haven't leisurely read in several months!

it felt really good to have my nose stuck in a book again.

it was a good 372-page read.

if someone told me that in elementary,

i would've been like

"WOOOOWWW. 372 pages?!"

but it was "House" by Frank Peretti and Ted Dekker,

if that means anything for you author fanatics out there.

for those of you need a little more enlightenment,

both Frank Peretti and Ted Dekker write thrillers that have a Christian implication/point at the end.

i really enjoy their books. it's always hard for me to put their stories down.

so that's why i knew that 372 pages wasn't a big deal at all.

i would've finished it in two days if i wanted to.

but, i mean,

i was at the beach.

why would i read all day??

this book was really interesting.

i don't want to spoil it,

but it really made me think about my sins.

my weaknesses.

the evils of my heart.

and how i would react if i had to face them,

as the characters trapped in the demon-possessed house did.

i tell all my friends that i get scared really easily.

which is 100% true.

that's why i don't watch horror movies.

sometimes thrillers,

but never horror.

so it's funny that i would read books that contain content

that are just as bad as some horror movies.

but there are two reasons why i do so:

1) i realized that i hate horror movies because they give me an actual visual representation. i can remember images and they can torture me by replaying in my mind. plus, music in the movie adds a lot to it too. however, if i just read it in a book, i can skim over words so that the image doesn't completely register in my mind. i can downplay it as much as i want. in other words, i'm in control of how i perceive the story.

2) with these books, i know that good will win in the end. that's not always the case in horror movies.

on a completely random note,

a while ago, a friend asked me this:

"do you think that two people can truly be just friends?

especially after they've had history?"

his or her question (i don't remember who asked me)

randomly came into my head today.

maybe it's cause i watched "dear john."

and in that movie,

obviously, the answer is no.

but, idk...

is it...?

in my case, it's been both yes and no.

maybe it's relative.

maybe it depends on the relationship that the two people had.

but then that leads me to another question:

is it possible to make it so that the parties involved

are truly over each other and are truly just friends?

without going through a huge falling out?

i don't even know what i'm saying anymore.

this whole post was a waste to be honest.

i talked about completely random stuff

that honestly doesn't really matter.

but i don't wanna delete it.

i just spent all that time writing it.

well, i guess,

if anything, this blog is more for me.

not necessarily for the entertainment of other people.

right?

...

...

i'm tired.

i think i'm just rambling.

i should go to sleep.

g'night world.

hope you had a good day today.

*hug*

busy bee.

today was seriously in-and-out/on-the-go/on-the-run/non-stop action.

i haven't been in the house for more than 30 minutes before leaving to go somewhere else.

and i've been in the house several times today.

+ woke up early.

+ drove me, my mom, & jj back from huntington. (my dad was sick & wasn't able to stay out w/ us & the putrasahans for the wknd.)

+ dropped off my family.

+ rushed over for roy's surprise bday party...some GREAT inside jokes from today. x]

"when you turn mine on, stuff comes out."

HAHAHHAHAHHHAAH. x] poor innocent clayton.

he was trying to talk about a faucet. x]

+ home to grab my work-out clothes.

+ LLCC for dance practice. (my legs're so sore right now. =/)

+ peter's house for my very first drum lesson! :)

+ home to shower.

+ april's house for more youthical practice + movie.

+ mean girls w/april, jen, garwei, sidney, andrew, & philip. *i love rachel mcadams! she's so good. x]

*yawns.

today was a day well-lived w/ good company.

i love bboy. :)

makes me sore though. =/

time to visit slumberland!

i'm gonna sleep well tonight, for SURE.

g'night world!

*huge hug*

ps. goodnight, Daddy. i love you! thanks for a good day today.

team edward.

*disclaimer:

this is a REALLY girly post.

if sappy stuff makes you heave,

do not,

i repeat,

do NOT read this post.

...you have been warned.

now i understand why so many girls are goo-goo-ga-ga over this phenomenon known as twilight.

these series of movies & books totally feeds what most girls ache for inside.

what girl wouldn’t want a guy who would be her hero?

who would stand up for her,

or save the day when necessary?

to constantly reassure her of his feelings for her?

saying things like “you are the only reason why I’m alive.”

it sounds cheesy when i type it...

i know...

-___________-

but honestly...all joking aside,

what girl wouldn’t want that?

how could any girl not fall in love with a guy who treats her like she’s the best thing in his world?

the female audiences falls in love with a certain character,

even if they've never met him before.

even if that character isn't real.

because they're something that that girl has always been looking for.

this is gonna sound so bizarre,

but those movies affected me in a way that i didn't expect.

it really made me realize what i want.

i want an edward cullen-type of guy.

see, most girls go for jacob, cause he's a total heart throb.

(not that i'm denying that he is.

taylor lautner is one of God's more finer specimens.

..if you know what i mean. ;))

but if you notice in the movie,

he's the reckless teenager-type.

i'm sure that has genuine strong feelings for the object of his affection,

but then again, he's just a teenager.

he doesn't know what he wants.

he makes empty promises that are impulsive and emotional.

on the other hand,

edward is mature.

he's grounded and his words are genuine.

he lacks the juvenile immaturity that jacob has.

he's serious about what he says.

and that stuck with me.

...what girl wouldn't want that kind of guy? =/

this is so dumb,

but all day today, this is what i've been thinking:

i wish i knew an edward cullen that felt that way about me.

that was serious about what he felt.

that i knew for sure that we we had was good

and was going to last.

*sigh*

a girl can dream sometimes,

...right?

*today,

i realized a difference btwn you two.

when i ask how he is,

he answers.

but then he asks how i am.

it's a two-way street.

he care about my life too.

but when i ask you how you are,

you'll go on about yourself.

and won't ask about me.

then you'll change the subject.

to something about you again.

it's like i don't matter.

...

and that hurts.

i'm tired of jacob blacks.

i need more edward cullens to show themselves.

the grim wreeper.

death is so rude.

it is the guest at a party

who is unwanted

but comes uninvited anyways.

it runs into the house

stealing the happiness, laughter, and smiles that once resided inside

replaceing them with sorrow, pain, and grief.

oh death,

where is your sting?

right here.

right here at home.

my dear nell lamangan,

i hope that you can feel the love and support that’s surrounding you everywhere.

i hope that in that hospital, God is somehow letting you experience a small piece of the overwhelming amount of thoughts and prayers.

it wasn’t supposed to be like this.

....why, God?

emotional band-aid.

wow.

there is a LOT of heartache going on tonight.

i've had conversations with three friends just today about their different situations.

:(

i'm so sorry guys.

i wish i could make everything better for you. :(

know that you're all in my thoughts and prayers.

and i love to give hugs. :)