bittersweet.

minus the sweet.

i don't like memories.

=/

guess you're leaving in a couple of hours.

and i won't even get to say bye.

...

notlikethatmatterstoyou.

sowhyshoulditmattertomeright?

QWEPROIJQWPEORIJ.

...goingtosleep.

thatwayican'tthinkaboutit.

g'nightworld.

aloha. :)

i can't even begin to explain how much i love this place.

to wake up in the morning to clear blue skies, an ocean that is different shades of blue, beautiful green grass, mountains, & trees, wispy clouds, light breezes...

that's why hawaii is my most favoritest place on earth. :))

...not that i don't love so-cal. i was thinking about it on the plane. i really am thankful to live in so-cal. it's a really nice place with a lot going on. i like that. so don't get me wrong, i really like california. but right now, i'm literally in heaven. i am SO happy to be here.

i love the weather, the flora & fauna, the culture, the food, even the tax! tax here is only 4.something %!! opposed to 9% on the mainland..

anyways, since i didn't bring my travel journal, i'm gonna have to record everything on blogspot. so here we go!

last night my family and i walked down waikiki boardwalk to find a place to eat since my parents hadn't eaten dinner yet. we ate at cheesecake factory close to midnight hawaii time (3am over on the mainland!). on the way back to the timeshare, we walked over to waikiki beach and my brother and i went to dip our toes in the warm water and soft sand. night shots of the city & beach are beautiful. when we went back to the sidewalk, we started picking plumerias that had already fallen off the trees and inhaled their sweet fragrance. i was literally in heaven. tell me....TELL ME...where else can i do that?? just walk a few minutes to a beach that is still warm at night & pick my favorite flowers off of the ground?? certainly not in california.

when we got back to the hotel, we laughed with a few re-runs of family matters & the cosby show. :)

today for lunch, my family & i ate out with family friends at a place called Longhi's...it's a hawaiian/italian place. we had pineapple juice, macadamia-crusted ahi tuna, crab cakes, a really good salad with candied macadamia nuts, haupia pie, key lime pie, tiramisu, key lime pie, and chocolate souffle. all whilst having a breathtaking view of palm trees and the beautiful ocean with the island breeze. it was amazing. :)

after lunch we walked around ala moana mall for a little bit. i was so glad we did! i was stuffed from lunch! got my first pair of rainbows & grabbed a couple of japanese magazines from shirakiya. didn't do any intense shopping since we're going back tomorrow.

right now, we're at my auntie's house, just relaxing, which was a good move. jet lag is messing with me. i was so tired while we were shopping. it feels nice to unwind for a little bit & not feel like i HAVE to go somewhere.

tonight we're gonna go night swimming/or wading in waikiki again. i can't wait. :)

until later,

aloha from oahu. :)

success. :)

me & event planning have kind of a love-hate relationship.

at times, i love it, and at other times i hate it.

times like last night staying up til 2 a.m., when i knew that i had to wake up at 7:30 a.m., trying to figure out dumb table arrangements make me hate it.

but other times like tonight seeing steven so happy and spending time with friends, makes me love it.

Compassio really has taught me a lot about event planning...keeping my head when things don't go as planned, learning not to micro-manage things/letting other people have creative input, and trying not to snap at people when i'm stressed out. (that last one i'm still working on. sorry guys. =/)

but you know what? everything worked out today! the food turned out well, almost everyone was able to make it, we genuinely surprised steven (our first priority), the photo booth turned out better than jon & i expected, God provided good weather, all of the lights & electrical outlets worked....there's a lot to be thankful for. :)

well, i'm running off of a few hours of sleep, so i should catch some zzz's.

but before i do,

dear Daddy,

thank you so so so so so so so much for letting tonight go well. i was honestly really nervous about tonight. i've talked to You about tonight so many times. but even with little mishaps and bumps in the road, thank you so much that everything worked out. :) thank you that we didn't have to face any major obstacles to stress us out and that things went relatively smoothly.

also, Father, thank you for steven. thank you for what he's done for all of us as a friend group and for the different ways that he's affected us in positive ways. be with him as he leaves for andrews in a little less than two weeks. guide him, watch over him, and bless him as he starts another school year. never leave his side & may he always look to you for guidance. we love You, Daddy.

amen.

*ps. AWWW DANG IT.

i just remembered that i have to pack for hawaii!

shooooottttt! i need to get on that!

ay yi YI this has been a busy week!

better catch up on some sleep. =/

g'night world!

*sigh*.

Jesus: "Sometimes...it takes deep hurts for people to feel their need for Gd."

Nick: "And that's God's plan?"

Jesus: "That's what God is willing to use in a broken world. Your dad's pain drove him to me. And without that wound in your heart, Nick, you wouldn't be sitting here talking with me, either."

- excerpt from Dinner With A Perfect Stranger.

you know what's sad, God? if i wasn't experiencing this pain, i probably wouldn't be talking to You either. You probably would be on the back burner, like You have been for a while. =/

so if this pain is supposed to be my wake-up call...if it's Your way of bringing me back to You, then i welcome it. because then at least something good will have come out of all of this.

i've missed You, Daddy.

i really have.

in the groove.

it feels so good to do photo stuff again. :)

i've been looking at other photographers & paying attention to their different editing styles.

decided to try out a style that i don't normally do. it was fun. :) ^ this picture is more of a ben blood style. i tend to like more of josselyn peterson's style...nice exposure, bright, saturated colors...it's a very clean and crisp look. ben blood's is more of a, uh....how should i describe? rustic...british...sophisticated feel? idk how to describe it, but here are their links if you want to take a peek. :) i really like the both of them.

http://blog.benblood.com/

http://www.josselynpetersonblog.com/

watched the movie "fame" today, which is now officially one of my favorites (minus their decision to cast kay panabaker as one of the leads. seriously, what were they thinking??? she's not the best actress that i've ever met in my life...nor is she the greatest singer. so WHY would they put her in a movie that focus on dance, voice, and theater...?! no clue.....it's beyond me...). anyyyywaayyysss, i liked the movie so much that i already ordered the soundtrack on amazon. :) i'm excited for it to come!

also expecting lightroom3 in the mail soon. it BETTER come soon. spent $286 on that. :( it's okay, it'll most definitely be worth it. it'll make post-processing photo shoots so much easier. i'm excited to play around with it and learn how to use it. :)

today while driving to drayson to go running before my drum lesson, i was thinking about the movie "Fame" and how much i got into it because of its focus on things that i love to do. (the cinematography was really good too, btw!!) i asked myself, "ashlee, when do you feel most alive?" & i realized that the most alive i've felt all summer was when i was doing youthical stuff. i love being on stage. i love acting, i love singing, i love dancing, i love choreographing. yeah, i love photography, but...idk, i don't get the same "high." it's funny, cause i never thought that i'd say that...? but whenever i think about productions like glee, high school musical, (and "fame" today), i can't help but be jealous of the cast and everything that they get to do. yeah, they work super hard...i know that...sometimes they have 12-hr days more than 5 days a week..but you know what? i honestly wouldn't mind if i had to do that. they get to act...and sing...and learn amazing choreo. and after working with each other for so long, the cast really bonds...ahhhh, i'm seriously so jealous of that. i want to be apart of that.

i don't really know what that realization from today is sppsd to mean, and how it affects me. i know that i'm not going to go into it professionally....i'm not good enough and i haven't had formal training in ANY of those categories...besides piano lessons? and the drama team in high school...

when i shadowed uncle iwan, he told me not to confuse my hobbies with my future career aspirations. he used himself as an example. he told me that he LOVES kung fu. when he was younger, his dream was to be a kung fu master. but obviously, right now, he's not a kung fu master. he's a doctor in internal medicine. and he loves being a doctor; he loves his job right now. but he still loves that hobby & he passed on his interest to his sons.

maybe all that my realization means is that i can still be involved when i'm older...but i don't have to do it professionally.

like i can do what des does. he gets youth in the church involved in drama ministries, church praise bands, and he even wants to put on a joint musical between our church and the chinese church!

...oh great.

it's sounding more and more like i want to be a....

...

nvm.

i don't want to say it.

crisis averted.

a fb message this morning totally relieved a LOT of stress that i thought i was going to experience this week.

photo shoot which was sppsd to take place today isn't going to happen til AFTER i get back from hawaii and after they come back from mexico. phew! that took off a huge burden from my shoulders. i had a lot to do today and i have a lot to accomplish this week, too..so not having to worry about that big project certainly made me feel much better.

:)

speaking of today, i went to my dad's dental office to shadow him for a bit.

and i watched him do 2 extractions.

O.O x100.

the first one was pretty bad for me to watch. i had to look away several times and remind myself to breathe. i was holding my breath when i couldn't stand the sight, but didn't realize that i was doing that 'til i started feeling light-headed. thankfully, my stomach wasn't as weak the second time around. i was actually able to watch my dad perform the whole process of extracting the tooth out and threading the suture through the gum. it was not a pretty sight, though, let me assure you.

today, the extractions took about...ehh...idk, 20 minutes? for three teeth? i didn't watch the third extraction, but idk....i'm going to guess 30 minutes at the most for the three teeth. two of the teeth had two roots and one of them had three roots. my dad said that one time he was doing an extraction, and it took one whole hour for him to get just one of the roots out...extractions are not easy jobs.

a while ago, i asked my dad what dental missionaries do when they go on mission trips, and he said that they have to do a lot of extractions. in third-world countries, the people suffer from poor health care and they don't know how to take care of themselves. so when i thought they did simple routine stuff like cleanings & fillings? yeah, not so much. it's hard-work procedures like extractions, root canals, etc.

O_O

yeah, that's all i have to say about that......

overwhelmed.

oh man.
i have so much to do this week.
it's kind of making me sick thinking about all of the MAJOR projects/jobs that i have to finish/take care of before i leave for hawaii next saturday.

qpweorjal;dsfkjqpierja.

i'm so excited for hawaii, you have no idea.

it'll be a much-needed break.

but i'm gonna need to work really hard this week.

*sigh*

there are like a million things going on at the same time.

random thoughts from today:

1. God spoke to me. it was really comforting....and almost bizarre the way that He did.

2. *it's funny how you were afraid that i was going to treat you differently....when really, YOU'RE the one that's treating ME different. and it's really frustrating me.

3. the samoan festival was fun. :) i'm glad i went! even though i had to miss the Youthical cast party. =/

4. MAN i have so many things to take care of!

agggh have to stop blogging & take care of stuff before i go to sleep.

g'night world. sleep well tonight.