bloom.

i wish i had time to write down all the ways that God has touched me this past wk & all the things that He's taught me. i've grown so incredibly much these past 7 days. i literally feel my character developing and getting stronger, as well as my relationship with God. it's an incredibly....satisfying feeling. and it leaves me in awe. He's also revealed Himself to me in ways that He never has before. i'm finding that God is beyond my comprehension. He's not the God that i've created Him to be. He's much much more.

i wish i could record them so that i don't forget. but i have no time. i'm racing the clock to finish my huge load of hmwk this wknd. :(

maybe i'll jot down a few notes so that i can remember & elaborate later.

+ sylvia, jordan, ken's txt

+ talk w/ craig

+ realization about being easily swayed

+ stranger on thursday

+ enough energy

+ i am only as inhibited as i perceive myself to be

+ internship w/ craig

k time to go write those papers! have no time to waste!!

JOY.

today has seriously been one of the best days that i've had in a while.

& it's so weird bc i've been swamped/stressed w/ catching up on make-up hmwk from JR/SR BC. i literally have SO MUCH to do this wk. i would list out everything so that you could understand, but i can't spend much time on here. i'm just taking a few-minute break before hitting the books again.

somehow, despite that, today has been one of my joyful-est (not happiest..happiness & joy are 2 different things) days in such a long time. God, thanks for coming through for me...for pursuing me with a relentless passion & reminding me how great Your love is for me. :)

+ ken's text

+ syliva's text

+ jordan's text

+ talk w/ craig

+ recently installed mint choco. ice cream at the caf.

+ actually good food for lunch AND dinner today

+ manda's text

+ talk w/ megan

+ talk w/ heibs

+ acknowledgement from rubio

+ chem help session

+ new-found effective studying habits for d.psych

+ steven's video text

so this is what living life abundantly feels like, huh? :)

thank you, Daddy.

i love you back. :)

love, ashleemegan.

battle.

God, i don't want to battle you.

but it sure feels like i am.

*sigh*

please, Daddy..

don't ask me to.

don't ask me to do it.

i know i said that i'd do whatever You'd want me to.

i know i said that You could take me places, and that i would follow.

but, Lord..

please.

anything but this.

i'm begging You.

an encounter with the past.

i just went on myspace...for the first time in MONTHS.

i think the last time i logged on was this past summer.

i was looking for kaitlin pham's profile.

(*btw, PLEASE pray for her & her family. i say that with the utmost urgency.)

couldn't find her profile, cause i couldn't actually log in. i had to use my brother's account.

but went to my page & read some of my comments from the past.

wow.

trip down memory lane, that's all i can say.

brought back some good memories.

or rather...bittersweet is a better word.

brother. :)

literally 30 seconds after i made that last post,

i got a txt from my brother:

"oh thank u sooo much sister. i love you soooo much. i could never have asked for a better sister EVER. everyone knows u at school bc u are sooo COOL B-). anyway thanks so much sister. i cant really say how happy i am about u being my sister but i'm not good at expressing words. and if i would try i would sound like a girl. soooo..

dear Daddy thank u for the mostest bestest most awesomest sister in the whole universe. i know i never deserved such an amazing gift from heaven as my own sister! i love her soo much. thank u for putting her in my life and for making her such a good example to me. amen."

what did heiba say about [love craves]?

that it can distract us from the love that's already being shown to us.

& what did i just say about God's timing?

oh yeah.

that it's perfect. :)

dear Big Guy Upstairs,

thank you.

i love you.

goodnight.

sometimes, i get like this.

i don't understand why i'm not...?

this sounds so bad, but i'm not used to this.

why do all these other girls..? but not me?

but...i guess God's timing is perfect.

never too early, never too late.

so it's a waste to be like this, right?

right. :)

PLEASE.

God!!!!

what do You want from me??????

seriously????????

can You please just let me go????????

i don't want to be here anymore...

my hopes got up so high...i really started to love the idea of Andrews....i've been advocating it...i've spent hours researching it....it's all i've been thinking about.

why would mike say that to me tonight??????

PLEASE let me go to andrews...i'm begging You!!!

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't ask me to stay here anymore.

pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease don't let that message be for me.

pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease.