two steps forward, one step back.

*sigh.

well on the bright side of things,

at least that's better one step forward, two steps back...right?

right.

confused colors.

today's sky was so pretty. i was driving to LL around 4pm and was amazed with what i saw out the window. the sky was a beautiful bright blue, but also gray because the storm clouds were moving in. it couldn't make up its mind. it was like it was experiencing cognitive dissonance.

it was too beautiful to not take a picture of it, so i pulled out my cellphone & shot it. probably shouldn't be taking pictures while driving on the 91.

*don't try that at home, kids.

made my first logo today! i was so excited about that. :) now just gotta translate that sketch to photoshop. hopefully First Service will like it & use it...we'll see though. :)

premenstrualsyndrome.

i never PMS...

but when i do, it hits me HARD.

today was the third time in my life that i've had bad PMS.

not that it made every small thing bad.

i was already dealing with stuff,

but PMS exacerbated everything.

i write this blog with swollen eyes and a knot in my chest.

ugh,

today was NOT a good day.

spring break overview.

+ last friday: group dinner at steven's.

+ sabbath: Re:Live + thai bowl + LL area + orange picking + photo opp's + more thai food (surprise party) + plane trip.

+ sunday - wednesday: andrews. :)

+ thursday: photo shoot in hollywood + santa monica.

+ friday: day w/ the ohana = surfer joe's + escondido + chinatown (GOOD chinese food & GOOD boba! mmm!)

+ sabbath: Re:Live + church w/ long-time-no-see friends + drama practice + dress fitting + nap + all-you-can-eat-sushi w/ family friends + shootin' hoops + parasols that i've been waiting for + UP with the fam bam.

it's been a good week. :)

thank you, Father.

before every photo shoot.

Dear Daddy,

As I go on this photo shoot, I pray that you will please get the creative juices flowing. Point out things to my eye that I normally wouldn’t see, whether it’s finding a great photo spot or noticing minor distracting details. Give me precision and clarity. Most of all, Father, may the pictures that I’m about to take honor and glorify Your name. May people see what’s produced and praise YOU, my Father in heaven. Please accompany me on this trip and use my hands and my eyes--take the pictures for me. I am merely your tool. I love you so much.

Amen.

post-andrews.

i'm currently in the salt lake city airport. i love free wi-fi! :)

i've been reflecting a lot during my plane rides & 4-hr lay-overs.

(steven, you're right. delta DOES have ugly lay-overs.

-_________-

southwest next time for SURE.)

i honestly want SO badly to attend andrews in the fall. i can't even tell you how much i want to.

when i first arrived at andrews for check-in, they gave me Focus, which is their school's magazine & they gave me a welcomer's magazine that lists interesting places in south Michigan. i've been reading both of those things through and through. i normally don't read all of the articles in magazines...i usually just flip through, read the short, interesting articles, and look at the pictures. i'm more visually appealed than i am through reading.

but guess what? i read EVERY single article in Focus. like i normally do, i flipped through the magazine, reading the short, interesting things first, but then i went back and i read all of the articles that i missed...even the ones that would've normally looked boring to me. i can't get enough of it. i love the school so much that i hang on everything that's related to it. isn't that weird? i've never done that before, and i know it's a little bit crazy...but that just goes to show how much i want to go there in a few months when fall semester starts.

i had a conversation w/ God on one of the planes. i'm practically begging Him to somehow change my parents' mind so that they'll let me go in the fall, even though i don't have a full ride there OR that He'll somehow come through and provide more financial help.

but...idk. i feel like my prayers have been so selfish. i mean, i keep on saying that i want to be wherever He puts me and that i trust that He knows what's best for me...but at the same time, i'm really hoping that His best for me is to go to andrews in the fall. i know that i'll end up there, if not this fall then the fall after, but i don't want to wait. i want to be there now. (er...you know what i mean.) i honestly don't think that i can be at LSU for another year. while it's not a bad school, it lacks so much of what i want...1) both of my programs (nutrition science + photo) 2) student community (everyone's stuck out there in berrien springs) 3) strong student life (they have a lOT going on all of the time!) 4) strong spiritual life (repeat of what i said for #3)

honestly? it's exactly what i want in a college.

and as an extra plus, i have a bunch of connections there. i made a lot of new friends and touched based w/ people that i haven't seen in a while. i felt so at home.

true, there are downsides that i didn't mention...1) cold/a prolonged winter like i've never experienced before 2) homesick-ness. (i can prob. only come home for winter & summer breaks)

*sigh*

Daddy, You know my heart. You understand just HOW much i want to go there in the fall. i'm exhausted of telling you all the time. but Daddy, as much as i want my way, please help me to constantly surrender my dreams to You...to trust in You...to not panic/push my agenda...to not manipulate You or others.

this is my heart. this is how much i want to go to Andrews, but also how much i want to honor and please You.

unwrap my fingers one-by-one that are clinging so tightly to what i want until they're completely in Your hands. give me peace. give me patience. teach me to be still and to wait on You.

undo this knot inside my chest every time i think of the possibility of me attending LSU in the fall and replace it with a desire to honor You.

please be patient with me. :(

michigan.

uggggh. i think i'm becoming a work-a-holic.

i have absolutely no obligations right now & it's making me panic. i'm so used to always having something to do, a task to accomplish.

but i have none whatsoever.

& it honestly doesn't feel right.

this is really bad. =/

so i'm currently lying on a bed in the guest room at lamson hall at andrews university....doing nothing. bc i actually have nothing to do...

anways, it blows my mind that i'm actually here! after so much waiting, planning, thinking...i'm ACTUALLY here. this campus honestly renders me speechless. steven gave me a short tour (not even of everything) & i got so overwhelmed. this is an INCREDIBLE school, no joke. as much as i'm afraid of coming here next year (i'm scared of being super homesick =/) i really want to come here for the next 3 years. that's up to God, but He knows where I stand.

here's a short synopsis of what's happened so far:

+ flight to atlanta got delayed 2 hours.

+ didn't sleep much. =/

+ found a really nice breakfast place in the atlanta airport that made up for all of the waiting & unfriendly people.

+ got to sit first class on the flight from atlanta to chicago!

+ saw andres at the airport.

+ met steven's ohana. (it was funny meeting his cousins in person! i've always seen them in picture or video. actually meeting them in person was so bizarre!)

+ ate an early dinner at their house. (auntie & uncle, thank you for being so incredibly hospitable!!)

+ mini campus tour.

+ meeting up w/ people (roan + raymundo...whom i haven't seen in YEARS).

& now i'm about to shower then possibly nap. or actually go to sleep.

have a semi-long day tomorrow full of tours, appointments, meeting people, etc.

we'll see how everything goes! i'm excited! :))