suitcases and travel bags.

traveling is EXACTLY what i wanted to do a lot of this year.

if it all works out (and i say IF),

this is what will happen during the course of this year/summer:

thanksgiving break.

location: navajo nation in arizona

reason: mission trip with project pueblo

status: confirmed

spring break.

location: oahu, hawaii

reason: chambers tour

status: TBD

likeliness: high because some altos are dropping out of chambers next quarter and dr. richards said that i'll be first in line

summer '11 (1).

location: turkey

reason: honors program trip

status: TBD

likeliness: i'll get a better idea after my meeting with dr. clark tomorrow and after my decisions about my academic plans and if it's plausible for me to join the honors program again

summer '11 (2).

location: italy

reason: ACA

status: TBD

likeliness: high. i need to complete my language requirements and would prefer to learn the language in the actual country, opposed to a classroom setting for a year at LSU

i'm brimming with excitement!!! more of those statuses should change within this next week! i'm hoping that they'll all be changed to "confirmed!" :)))))

O.o

this is too bizarre right now.

how is it that my mom had a dream last night of you doing something for me that i was secretly wishing you would do.

and how is it that the thoughts that i had after our talk on friday night were somehow the EXACT thoughts that my best friend had of us yesterday....like, exact. from us having a long-term relationship...to, well let's just say way beyond that.

this is too weird. i didn't tell anyone but God about those things. those were like personal secrets.

how is it that not just one, but TWO people who are really close to me had those exact same thoughts?!

i don't really know what to think right now...

it was really weird when amanda shared with me what she had been thinking yesterday.

...but i'm not gonna lie, it was a good weird.

:))

anyways, i hope you know that tonight i'm going to pray for you.

...and whatever the future might hold for us.

'cause i really hope that it does.

:)))

g'night world!

uh-oh.

i know that look.

i know that tone of voice.

i know that move.

may day, may day.

abort, abort, abort.

please don't do this.

last time this happened,

i ended up losing a friend.

don't ruin our friendship please....

please, please, don't.

we're just friends.

besides...

i might be interested in someone else.

who is actually one of your good friends. =X

:) x10.

those 10 seconds that i saw you made my morning.

jumbles in my mind.

dentistry instead of medicine? minor in business management or biology instead of photography? if i DO minor in biology, then summer program? so that instead of ACA? but if i DO do ACA, italy or france? chambers or no? ceramics or no? i don't need it if i don't go into dentistry. next summer i'll be reviewing for the MCAT or DAT, so this is basically my last summer to plan for. work at PSR to save up money for AU? can't do that if i'm doing ACA or the biology summer program. business management would probably be the best idea for me to minor in if i go into dentistry. i need to shadow dentists. and i need to find out what other areas are available for specialty in dentistry. thankfully only 20 hours of shadowing are needed. i can get that done in no time. and if i do more, it'll show how much i want to be one. dentists don't get covered health insurance though, says mom. maybe i really shouldn't minor in photography. should i still stick to nutrition science? should i finish my 2 remaining years here at LSU instead of AU? if i do, then my tuition will be completely paid for. which means i can save up for dental school. but i really want to go to AU. i'm nervous about it, but i'm really excited about it. if i minor in biology, i only have to take 3 more classes after g.bio. and two of them are recommended by LLU for dentistry. so it would make more sense to minor in that instead of photography. but minoring in business would probably be a good idea, since i know absolutely nothing about it. i don't think i'll enjoy the classes, but they'll probably be good for me.

*sharp exhale.

decisions, decisions, decisions.

Father, please lead the way.

don't only open the right doors,

but close the wrong doors

so that i'm sure of Your will.

...

at least the weather outside is nice.

it's raining.

but the air is clear.

humbled.

got kind of discouraged tonight while completing our assignment for mHOUSE. we were supposed to find 2-3 of our best pictures in 4 different categories. i was looking through my previous photoshoots and, as i was flipping through the different shoots, i was overcome with an unexpected emotion. those photographs that i was once so proud of depressed me. i saw so many things that i should have done different...post-processing mistakes, composition flaws, ugly lighting, mis-focusing my subjects (ever since i started using the 50 mm, i've been super sensitive to having things properly focused...i hate it when i don't get it right and something is out-of-focus.) i remember being so pleased with certain shots, but as i looked back on them, i was actually embarrassed of them. i actually felt sorry for the people that i had to give those pictures to & that they had to look at them. i felt foolish for ever putting them online so that others could see. i wanted to delete all of the folders so that no one would ever see them again, including me. it was like a giant pimple that i was desperately trying to hide and cover up before anyone saw it. it was a real blow to my self-esteem, and i didn't expect to feel that. i had to talk to my mom about it because it made me so sad. =/

after talking to her for a while and talking to God in a while, i felt a little better. but it took a while. after my two conversations, i came to the conclusion that i don't have to be depressed or embarrassed by those photographs. rather, they can serve as humble reminders. in addition to that, it's also a sign that i've come a long way and that i've learned a lot. my mom tried to make me feel better by telling me that she's proud of me...that i haven't done too bad for someone who's never taken a photography class. that only made me half-smile. i know of a professional photographer who never took a photo class. he was actually an architect til he picked up a camera, started shooting, and realized that he wasn't too bad at it. rules of composition, art, etc. that he learned in architecture school, he now applied to photography. and he's GOOD.

while looking up other photographers' blogs, i came across another photographer who i really liked and was stunned when i read on her bio page that she has never taken a photography class.

it made me feel so....little. so...insignificant. again, so embarrassed and foolish for ever thinking that i was "good."

peter & i talked about this yesterday...there's so much danger in comparing. it takes a great toll on me, personally, but i do it without even realizing it. =/ i need to learn to stop. i need to focus on MY skills, how I can get better. i don't need to worry about anyone else. and i must never lose sight of my goal to honor and glorify God with my photographs...or anything that i pursue for that matter.

peter & i also talked about how somethings the things that we love, the things that we're passionate about actually become burdens. i mentioned that i love photography, but sometimes it feels a chore. it loses its fun & my love for it dwindles. i definitely felt that tonight. & it's not the first time when i felt like giving up photography altogether. but then i realize that i would be crazy. idk, maybe i need a short break from it or something. =/

wow, this blog did not go where i was trying to go.

it was supposed to end on a happy note....a few paragraphs ago.

oh well. w/e. =/ it's late and i need to go to bed.

see you later, world.

photoshoots etc.

ohmyGOSH. i need to start out by saying that i am SO tired.

i've been sleeping late & waking up early.

ugh, it's this cycle again.

i really wanted to sleep at 10pm this week.

but i have so much to do.

& i'm not even in school!

man, this has GOT to be the BUSIEST summer i've ever had.

not that i'm complaining. it's been a really good summer.

i feel good about being productive.

i've been able to do a lot these past few months.

but i'm getting less sleep than i did during the school year.

i'm so tired...

-__________- zzzZZZ

w/e...anywayyyyssss.

you know what's funny? i've been to downtown redlands 4 times in the past 3 days. i hardly ever go there. but these past 3 days, i've been there 4 times. 1) craig's wedding (sunday) 2) sanga & alexa's bday shoot (monday) 3) redlands sewing (today) 4) peter's photoshoot w/ genmai (today)

i feel really familiar w/ the streets there now. x]

had a good time w/ sanga & alexa yesterday. spent the afternoon doing their photoshoot, went to LLA for alexa's volleyball practice, then ate dinner at their house w/ their family. got to know alexa's parents a little better, which was really nice. x]

i don't think i've really mentioned this to anyone before, but i really like spending time with people's families. i like meeting my friends' parents and siblings, and spending time w/ them. it's like i've been let into another world other than my own. i feel like i've been accepted into a special...belonging? idk how to describe it. but it's a warm feeling. :) i get to see the more personal and intimate interactions between my friends and their family members. you know who a person is when they're around their family because they've been with those people ever since they were born. you can't say that about many other people. you're just so much more natural, so much more yourself when you're with family.

i have really good memories hanging out with my friends' families.

...dinner and watching the bachelor pad with the fraziers,

...PUC road trip with the imais & lunch with auntie dee, elissa, & brianna while shadowing at CHLA,

...birthday parties with the peacocks and meeting ambyr's grandparents after night swimming in their pool,

...washing dishes & cleaning up after jon jon's bday party with the debulgados and snowboarding w/ all of the debulgado boys,

...cooking and eating with the mins,

...shopping at south coast plaza with the angeleses,

...house parties with the hutauruks,

...baking at the oshiros,

...dinner at the vassantacharts,

and the list goes on.

those are all really special memories for me. :)

anyways, moving on to today...

peter's been teaching me the drums this summer (when we can fit in lessons with our busy schedules!). when he asked me to take pictures of him & his dog, of course i said yes! it goes without saying that i enjoy taking pictures, but this photoshoot is also a thank-you gift for his time, since he's not charging me for lessons.

we had such a good time this afternoon and evening. peter & his dog are seriously so cute, for lack of a better word. the interactions between a man and his dog are so....i can't say cute again. adorable? intriguing? heart-warming? all the above. i can't think of a single word that encompasses all of that. (let me know if you think of one!) but as i'm looking through the photos from the day, i can't help but smile. it's so cute how much peter cares about his dog. :)

i think that's why i love portraits so much, especially with more than one person. you can sense chemistry, fondness, affection, etc. by looking at a picture. it was a treat for me to witness the bond between peter and his dog today, as well as the cousin chemistry that sanga & alexa have. it's quite endearing. :)

also had a good talk w/ peter tonight. we went to open kitchen for dinner afterwards and enjoyed good food with a nice breeze outside. i always have good conversations with that kid. :)

oh SHOOT i spent way too much time blogging.

i have to get through another round of filtering pictures before i go to sleep. =/

aggh,

not enough HOURS in the day, i'm TELLING you!!

g'night world!

sleep well tonight.

may the God whom i love so much grant you AND your family peace, grace, and sweet dreams.

:)