tomorrow's the big day: we're actually hosting a dinner party for our parents! :))) unfortunately, the parent RSVPs weren't as high as we wanted...we're only serving around 13...maybe 11 if amanda's parents don't come. :( but i'm so glad that it's ACTUALLY happening. all of our planning & brainstorming is going to be put into action in just a matter of hours! AH i can't contain my excitement! i love having people over at our house. :))
but along with that, i also love the moments leading up to a big event...all the quality time spent with people planning & preparing. :) suelynn, we've planned, shopped, and driven around town for MANY hours, & they've all been really enjoyable. :)) sometimes frustrating...like w/ the green beans & parmesan cheese (note to the world: go to trader joe's...not stater brothers for fresh parmesan cheese and raspberry vinaigrette), but overall, it's been REALLY fun. :) i'm so glad that we got away with buying the stuff at costco! *wipes sweat off forehead..WHEW! :)
it was really interesting observing all of us tonight in the kitchen during the late hours & realizing that, if we all lived together, that is exactly what life would be like...steven would cook for us (mwahaha.......ambyr & i would......."cook" x]) then we'd all take turns washing, drying, & putting away dishes while shuffling songs on itunes & just talking about life. :) i think that's why i enjoyed campout so much senior year...there were parallels to tonight.
*happy sigh* i am really pleased with life at the moment. thank you God. i thank you & praise you for all of my friends & the times that we can spend together...& that even though some of us are far from each other & sometimes we lose touch, it's WONDERFUL when everyone comes back home. thank You for the opportunity that our families will have to spend time together tomorrow! please, Father, let our dinner party honor & glorify You. may we make You proud of us. :)
i love You, Daddy. :)
*ps. please be with sanga who's on the other side of the world with her family & can't join us tomorrow. please keep her safe, bless her family, & remind her that her "family" at home misses her & loves her. :)
goodnight world!
need to wake up early tomorrow to clean house! :)
Monday, December 28, 2009
Sunday, December 27, 2009
something happy. :)
went snowboarding today! for the first time in YEARS. left really late, but still had fun in the end. :)
thank you jon min for being patient with me. you're amazing!
good job steven! didn't do as bad as we thought you'd do. ;)
jj, you did really well, as always. i'm proud of you, bro. :)
caitlin: sorry that we didn't get to board for as long as we wanted. :(( i hope you still had fun though.
the rest of the debulgado boys/men: hope you guys had fun today! good job to all of you. :)
something that i've really learned to appreciate is the way that my mom always has food ready for my friends & i when we come back from an event. it's so comforting. my mom's amazing. :)
tomorrow is prep for the dinner party for our parents. we're gonna start cooking food, setting up tables, arranging decorations, putting together utensil placements...i am so excited! :)
happiness feels so good. :)
thank you jon min for being patient with me. you're amazing!
good job steven! didn't do as bad as we thought you'd do. ;)
jj, you did really well, as always. i'm proud of you, bro. :)
caitlin: sorry that we didn't get to board for as long as we wanted. :(( i hope you still had fun though.
the rest of the debulgado boys/men: hope you guys had fun today! good job to all of you. :)
something that i've really learned to appreciate is the way that my mom always has food ready for my friends & i when we come back from an event. it's so comforting. my mom's amazing. :)
tomorrow is prep for the dinner party for our parents. we're gonna start cooking food, setting up tables, arranging decorations, putting together utensil placements...i am so excited! :)
happiness feels so good. :)
Friday, December 25, 2009
not again.
every time i come here to write, i haven't been happy.
i was just about to write another entry...
yet again about something that's eating at me.
but i want to choose not to focus on that. :)
for several reasons:
1) it's christmas.
2) it's been way too long.
3) i deserve to be happy.
bottom line: the only one in this whole situation that's hurting is me. everyone else is doing fine, but i'm not fully letting go, so i'm the only one being hurt. that's pretty ridiculous huh? i thought so too. :)
God,
please, fill that spot in my heart until it's ready. let Your love consume me so that i won't even crave it, so that i won't even need it. please, remind me that Your love is just enough for me & that Your timing is ALWAYS perfect. let me not show mistrust in You. remind me of what heiba said..that these things come to distract me from the love that's already being shown all around me, making me not fully appreciate it & miss out on the beauty of it. satan knows my weaknesses & knows how to get to me. i don't want him to win, Daddy. please surround me. i give it up to You.
thank you for this holiday season & for the family & friends that i've been able to spend it with, and am still spending it with. as i write, i'm in the comforts of auntie angie's house, a home that i always look forward to. i'm surrounded by people that deeply care about me. & i know that all of these people's love combined & multiplied by 1020394817029384 doesn't even compare with the love that You have for me, which is totally incomprehensible. You're amazing. straight up amazing. let me not lose sight of that.
thanks Daddy.
i love you. :)
merry christmas. :)
i was just about to write another entry...
yet again about something that's eating at me.
but i want to choose not to focus on that. :)
for several reasons:
1) it's christmas.
2) it's been way too long.
3) i deserve to be happy.
bottom line: the only one in this whole situation that's hurting is me. everyone else is doing fine, but i'm not fully letting go, so i'm the only one being hurt. that's pretty ridiculous huh? i thought so too. :)
God,
please, fill that spot in my heart until it's ready. let Your love consume me so that i won't even crave it, so that i won't even need it. please, remind me that Your love is just enough for me & that Your timing is ALWAYS perfect. let me not show mistrust in You. remind me of what heiba said..that these things come to distract me from the love that's already being shown all around me, making me not fully appreciate it & miss out on the beauty of it. satan knows my weaknesses & knows how to get to me. i don't want him to win, Daddy. please surround me. i give it up to You.
thank you for this holiday season & for the family & friends that i've been able to spend it with, and am still spending it with. as i write, i'm in the comforts of auntie angie's house, a home that i always look forward to. i'm surrounded by people that deeply care about me. & i know that all of these people's love combined & multiplied by 1020394817029384 doesn't even compare with the love that You have for me, which is totally incomprehensible. You're amazing. straight up amazing. let me not lose sight of that.
thanks Daddy.
i love you. :)
merry christmas. :)
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
jumbled.
i can't figure myself out. i'm sorry, idk why i still feel this way. ik that i'm hurting you...
i just...ugh. idk. i racked my brain tonight trying to figure out why. it honestly doesn't make sense...& it's not like me. but i am...& it is...
i'm so sorry..
please be patient w/ me.
maybe one day it'll be better.
i just...ugh. idk. i racked my brain tonight trying to figure out why. it honestly doesn't make sense...& it's not like me. but i am...& it is...
i'm so sorry..
please be patient w/ me.
maybe one day it'll be better.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
[don't] rock the boat.
just when life was figured out,
curveballs were thrown at me.
just when i was content/satisfied/happy again,
something just had to rain on my parade.
i was almost expecting it,
but i really hoped that it wouldn't happen.
oh well.
at least i called it.
//
uncle jose,
the church was filled with tears on friday at your memorial service. i, too, found myself crying a lot. i wasn't super close to you, but my family means a lot to me. your death left them in a LOT of pain...i don't think you understand how much. auntie myrtle hasn't eaten in the two weeks since you died. your 8-year-old pride and joy has no father to guide him. i saw the numerous pictures of you two...you & jordan, i mean. you must have loved him a lot. i could see it in the pictures. he loved you a lot too. he still does. it's going to take him & auntie myrtle a long time to learn how to cope.
it was very strange seeing a picture of your face on the memorial service program, more like surreal. i'm used to seeing you attend memorial services, not be the cause of them. & it almost made me sick to my stomach when i saw your body in the casket. that sight confirmed everything..the fact that you truly are gone. that your life has ended. *sigh* you were so young, uncle jose...only 48. jordan needs a father. auntie myrtle needs a husband. i can't even imagine all the pain that she's dealing with. it's not like it was a divorce where she stopped loving you and you went away. she loved you so much and you were taken away from her...the both of you were celebrating your wedding anniversary in hawaii, in fact, along with jordan & oma. your leaving her was so unexpected...she wasn't prepared. this has hit her so hard.
uncle jose, it was so hard to see my family hurt so much. i know that your side of the family was in a lot of pain as well. i cried when i heard your mom wail and cry over your body after everyone had left, & i saw your brothers cry as well. but you really made an impact my family when you were here with us. opungs, aunties & uncles, cousins, nephews & nieces on my side of the family said beautiful things about you at the service. it almost seemed like my side of the family was more sad than yours. i know that that isn't true at all, but i say that to make a point as to how much my side of the family loved you. you really made a big impression on my family. they really miss you.
my whole family is praying for Jesus to come soon so that they can see you again. they're longing with all of their hearts for that day. i am too...i want my family to stop hurting...& i want to get to you know you better. i'm thankful that we'll have plenty of time for that. :) i can't wait for it. i want to hear all about your trips with auntie myrtle & jordan, all of the good times that we've all had together, and of course, all of the cars that you've repaired. ;)
rest in peace, uncle jose.
until Jesus comes.
you are greatly loved and missed.
curveballs were thrown at me.
just when i was content/satisfied/happy again,
something just had to rain on my parade.
i was almost expecting it,
but i really hoped that it wouldn't happen.
oh well.
at least i called it.
//
uncle jose,
the church was filled with tears on friday at your memorial service. i, too, found myself crying a lot. i wasn't super close to you, but my family means a lot to me. your death left them in a LOT of pain...i don't think you understand how much. auntie myrtle hasn't eaten in the two weeks since you died. your 8-year-old pride and joy has no father to guide him. i saw the numerous pictures of you two...you & jordan, i mean. you must have loved him a lot. i could see it in the pictures. he loved you a lot too. he still does. it's going to take him & auntie myrtle a long time to learn how to cope.
it was very strange seeing a picture of your face on the memorial service program, more like surreal. i'm used to seeing you attend memorial services, not be the cause of them. & it almost made me sick to my stomach when i saw your body in the casket. that sight confirmed everything..the fact that you truly are gone. that your life has ended. *sigh* you were so young, uncle jose...only 48. jordan needs a father. auntie myrtle needs a husband. i can't even imagine all the pain that she's dealing with. it's not like it was a divorce where she stopped loving you and you went away. she loved you so much and you were taken away from her...the both of you were celebrating your wedding anniversary in hawaii, in fact, along with jordan & oma. your leaving her was so unexpected...she wasn't prepared. this has hit her so hard.
uncle jose, it was so hard to see my family hurt so much. i know that your side of the family was in a lot of pain as well. i cried when i heard your mom wail and cry over your body after everyone had left, & i saw your brothers cry as well. but you really made an impact my family when you were here with us. opungs, aunties & uncles, cousins, nephews & nieces on my side of the family said beautiful things about you at the service. it almost seemed like my side of the family was more sad than yours. i know that that isn't true at all, but i say that to make a point as to how much my side of the family loved you. you really made a big impression on my family. they really miss you.
my whole family is praying for Jesus to come soon so that they can see you again. they're longing with all of their hearts for that day. i am too...i want my family to stop hurting...& i want to get to you know you better. i'm thankful that we'll have plenty of time for that. :) i can't wait for it. i want to hear all about your trips with auntie myrtle & jordan, all of the good times that we've all had together, and of course, all of the cars that you've repaired. ;)
rest in peace, uncle jose.
until Jesus comes.
you are greatly loved and missed.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
christmas break thus far.
so far, i've only had one day where i sat at home and did absolutely nothing.
everyday has had something to do or somewhere to go.
i like it like that. :)
so much to do though!
so far:
FRIDAY:
+ the fall [haven't been THERE for forever].
+ went to steven's house to welcome him home.
SATURDAY:
+ xmas party for the residents at inland temporary homes. *double rainbow that day!
+ farewell xmas party for the humanitech students.
SUNDAY:
+ errands w/ mom.
+ joshua tree w/ ambyr, steven, andrew lloren, & jon min.
+ in-n-out.
MONDAY:
+ took care of stuff at home.
+ went to steven's to cook. [saw mikee & ambyr at separate times on the way there]
+ cinnamon roll night! +potato cheddar broccoli soup...but we can forget that part.
which leads us to...
TODAY:
+ drove to rancho to shadow auntie angie, a pediatrician.
+ LA + diamond bar w/ steven and 4 other friends [3 of them from andrews]
+ wal-mart to scan cue photos
& now the rest of my busy week...
WEDNESDAY:
+ check-up at my dad's dental office
+ check the photo spot for heibs' photoshoot
+ JJ's band concert
+ hang out w/ my glendale friends
+ paint ambyr's room? if there's time?
THURSDAY:
+ heiba's photoshoot
+ newsletter meeting
FRIDAY:
+ shadow auntie angie again, except at a clinic in upland
SATURDAY:
+ something secret. :)))
SUNDAY:
+ lori's wedding! :)
& during this week, i need to/want to:
+ finish jj & leisa's banquet pictures
+ work on christmas stuff
+ clean my room
+ read "eat this, not that"
+ read my photography book
+ pick up a photoshop book from B&N
+ send my picture off to Yogurtland
+ test out my fish eye lens that's coming in a few days! already been shipped! :)
among other things.
i like being productive. :)
just gotta learn how to manage everything.
..i should be sleeping.
but i'm not tired.
=/
everyday has had something to do or somewhere to go.
i like it like that. :)
so much to do though!
so far:
FRIDAY:
+ the fall [haven't been THERE for forever].
+ went to steven's house to welcome him home.
SATURDAY:
+ xmas party for the residents at inland temporary homes. *double rainbow that day!
+ farewell xmas party for the humanitech students.
SUNDAY:
+ errands w/ mom.
+ joshua tree w/ ambyr, steven, andrew lloren, & jon min.
+ in-n-out.
MONDAY:
+ took care of stuff at home.
+ went to steven's to cook. [saw mikee & ambyr at separate times on the way there]
+ cinnamon roll night! +potato cheddar broccoli soup...but we can forget that part.
which leads us to...
TODAY:
+ drove to rancho to shadow auntie angie, a pediatrician.
+ LA + diamond bar w/ steven and 4 other friends [3 of them from andrews]
+ wal-mart to scan cue photos
& now the rest of my busy week...
WEDNESDAY:
+ check-up at my dad's dental office
+ check the photo spot for heibs' photoshoot
+ JJ's band concert
+ hang out w/ my glendale friends
+ paint ambyr's room? if there's time?
THURSDAY:
+ heiba's photoshoot
+ newsletter meeting
FRIDAY:
+ shadow auntie angie again, except at a clinic in upland
SATURDAY:
+ something secret. :)))
SUNDAY:
+ lori's wedding! :)
& during this week, i need to/want to:
+ finish jj & leisa's banquet pictures
+ work on christmas stuff
+ clean my room
+ read "eat this, not that"
+ read my photography book
+ pick up a photoshop book from B&N
+ send my picture off to Yogurtland
+ test out my fish eye lens that's coming in a few days! already been shipped! :)
among other things.
i like being productive. :)
just gotta learn how to manage everything.
..i should be sleeping.
but i'm not tired.
=/
Monday, December 14, 2009
stardust + life.
+ tonight: went w/ ambyr, jon min, steven, & andrew l. to joshua tree to see the meteor shower. turns out, that the meteor shower wasn't tonight, but we saw at least a good 15-20 meteors. the sky was BEAUTIFUL...clear w/ a MILLION stars. it looked like God had a handful of stardust, threw it across the canvas of the sky, and didn't clean it up so that we could enjoy. you couldn't see it w/o worshiping Him. breahtaking.
+ PHOTOSHOP. there's so much that i want to learn! i wish i was taking the class at LSU this quarter. :(((( but no room in my schedule! agh. :( i feel like i could do so much better if i knew about all of the available resources and how they work. i feel so...inhibited right now. :( i want to learn! somebody teach me? :(
+ got the second Glee CD today, & am enjoying it to the fullest. the people on that show are honestly SO TALENTED. i'm absolutely amazed.
+ The Shack is teaching me a lot about God. i look forward to reading it every night. next book: Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis.
+ i've recently developed a genuine thirst for learning. ask me about it later. i have so much to share. :)
God is good,
ALL the time.
even when it doesn't seem like it.
*pray hard for my family please..my auntie's going through a lot. she just lost a husband & my 6-year-old cousin just lost a father. :*((( there is much stress & grief in my family right now.
+ PHOTOSHOP. there's so much that i want to learn! i wish i was taking the class at LSU this quarter. :(((( but no room in my schedule! agh. :( i feel like i could do so much better if i knew about all of the available resources and how they work. i feel so...inhibited right now. :( i want to learn! somebody teach me? :(
+ got the second Glee CD today, & am enjoying it to the fullest. the people on that show are honestly SO TALENTED. i'm absolutely amazed.
+ The Shack is teaching me a lot about God. i look forward to reading it every night. next book: Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis.
+ i've recently developed a genuine thirst for learning. ask me about it later. i have so much to share. :)
God is good,
ALL the time.
even when it doesn't seem like it.
*pray hard for my family please..my auntie's going through a lot. she just lost a husband & my 6-year-old cousin just lost a father. :*((( there is much stress & grief in my family right now.
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