animal crackers, frames, & sushi.

these past 2 days...shoot, this whole week, has been really good. i've needed it. :))

yesterday...

+ mission. watched the guys play basketball. tried shooting a few hoops myself. i STINK. i either overshoot, or don't arch enough, or...heh yeah. i never claimed to be good at basketball, so it's okay. x]

+ sat down on the bench & talked w/ nic for..probably...almost an hour or so. it was really cool..i've never sat down & talked w/ him before.

+ went back to the mins' so that they could take a shower

+ waited for john to come over

+ picked up chris

+ citrus plaza to return dinner party stuff...w/ a few pit stops. x]

-target

-world market

-b&n/michaels

+ walmart

+ back to mins' for dinner. auntie made REALLY good salmon. mmm. :) toasted some toron. melted Dove dark chocolate w/ a makeshift double boiler & made chocolate-dipped animal crackers & bananas. :))))

ik about to have my period when i start getting really hungry & eat a lot. sometimes i have INTENSE cravings for stuff...but they'll jump around a lot. yesterday i was craving chocolate really bad..or a chocolate dessert, but i wasn't sure what. i dragged all the guys everywhere trying to find the perfect chocolate. didn't find it. =/ but the chocolate-dipped animal crackers & bananas were PERFECT! :) funny, cause earlier that day i was craving chocolate-dipped stuff. :)

today...

+ really wanted to go out & take umbrella portraits. a few minutes later, steven txtd me, saying that he wanted to go find a new photo spot. perfect! :)

+ met up w/ him & andrew lloren.

+ went to the oriental market to buy a few more cheap, solid, bright-colored umbrellas. didn't find any. =/

+ had a HUGE craving for ube bread/pan de ube.

+ asked andrew if we could go to tung hing.

+ on the way there, i no longer craved oriental desserts, so i said we could just go to the 99cent store to find umbrellas.

+ andrew made a huge u-turn & went back to the way that we came from. x]

+ on the way to the 99 cent store, developed a huge craving for in-n-out.

+ 99 cent store = fail.

+ craving changed to sushi/udon soup.

+ dropped by goodwill. found photo frames for $3.99/ea. bought 3! :) made my day.

+ found a PERFECT photo spot on the side of the road. :) made my day again. spent quite a bit of time there.

+ miyagi for dinner. all-you-can-eat sushi. :)) ambyr + jeff fry came too. MMM i ate well! :) tiger roll = yum yum. :) + their udon noodle was better than last time.

+ walmart w/ ambyr & steven to buy spray paint for me, yu-GAY-oh cards for steven. -_________- *props to ambyr for the name.

+ dropped off steven.

+ target w/ ambyr. bought my perfect chocolate! perfect for several reasons: 1) lindor truffles...smooth filling in the middle 2) dark chocolate 3) peppermint 4) they were on SALE! $1.47/bag instead of the regular $3-something.

ah what a perfect day. :)

currently reviewing pictures from today & watching monsters vs. aliens w/ my family. :)

thank you, God, for these moments. i truly cherish & appreciate them to the fullest. :)

focus on the good, ashlee, focus on the good.

QWPEORIJASDL;FKAJSFIQOWEJRFLAKSDFJ;QIEOFJALSDJ
you seriously frustrate me.
i am so confused.
why is it that when i want to be friends w/ you, you don't talk to me.
but when i couldn't care less about you, you all of a sudden decide to strike up conversations w/ me?
ARRRRRGGGGH.
you're a little late for that..

i'm listening to happy music right now to distract from the feelings that are currently bothering me.

anyways.

i am glowing with happiness from the success of tonight!

friends + family = my joy. :)

ambyr made an innocent comment about throwing a dinner party, & from that spurned many ideas & planning that led to tonight. :) *happy sigh* oh man, tonight was SO enjoyable. :)))) i'm really glad that our parents met & that they got to enjoy being served by all of us kids. :)

MENU:

appetizers:

+ spinach & artichoke dip

+ tuna cream cheese spread

(both with a choice of pita chips or baked baguettes)

salad:

+ spring mix with craisins, feta cheese, homemade candied pecans, & raspberry vinaigrette

soup:

+ minestrone (kidney beans, green beans, corn, tomatoes, celery, carrots, elbow macaroni, & parmesan cheese for garnish)

main course:

+ baked chicken strips

+ fettuccine noodles w/ sauteed mushrooms, spinach, & sun-dried tomatoes

desserts:

+ fruit trifle (pound cake w/ custard, blueberries, strawberries, mandarin oranges, & kiwis)

+ filipino fruit salad

+ cookie pops (party favors)

beverages:

+ iced water

+ fresh lemonade

+ assortment of hawaiian teas (yes, actually shipped from hawaii!)

+ hot chocolate

+ martinelli's (for a toast)

i am so happy that the parents liked the table set-up and the food. :))) we worked so hard...picking what to serve, shopping for groceries, decorating, cleaning my house, & so much more. i'm actually really proud of all of us. & i don't mean to make myself sound good in any way at all (PLEASE understand), but i'm really proud of myself...bc i surprised myself. i didn't think that i could do that. but i PROVED something to myself today. do you know how good it feels to not think that you can do something, but attempt it anyways, & then realize that you're actually capable of doing it??? it feels pretty darn GOOD...& for others to recognize it is even better.

i have to say, though, that NONE of this was possible without God. i asked Him for inspiration, for a peace of mind, for a good turnout, & for all of this to glorify Him. all of the credit goes to Him. He's pretty amazing. :)

so this is how it went...

last night, people were at my house to help set up. the first ones came at 5pm, as planned, & the last ones didn't leave til around 11:45 pm. we set up, designed, & decorated the tables, prepared the appetizers, created a playlist to run during dinner so that there wasn't awkward silence, & steven made his desserts.

today, ambyr was the first one to come. i asked her to come at 2:30pm. then came andrew lloren + matt, then steven & the mins, then amanda. we cleaned the house, washed a bunch of dishes, set up the hot water dispenser, & cooked the rest of the food (i don't need to bore you with all of the details). while some of us were cooking (mostly us girls), the guys were working on their stuff. andrew lloren was working on a slideshow video, jon min was designing a guest list, & steven was creating a menu. it was really interesting how we all utilized our talents in one way or another tonight.

when the parents came in, they went to the living room, talked, & signed the guest list that jon made. when all of the expected parents came, we directed them to the appetizer table & dining room. after grace, soup was served, then salad. when we finished the pasta, we set it in the hot catering dishes & asked everyone to help themselves. then came dessert, a toast to the parents, andrew's slideshow/video :)), presentation of the "bill" ;), a huge group prayer, group photos, & clean up.

my personal fb thank-you's:

+ jon min:

JON MIN. :))))) thank you so much for making the guest list & "bill" on the spot tonight. you are quite amazing! i really appreciate you pulling that together last-minute. the parents loved it! & i especially loved the "paied" part. ;) YOU DA BEST!

*i forgot to say this, but jon, thanks for being wiling to help in those little moments...like when you volunteered to cut the parsley for me. i really appreciated when you said things like "ashlee, let me do that for you!" you're such a sweet boy. i'm glad we're friends. :)

+ nic min:

nic min! :))) thank you so much for sleeping today while we were preparing..."slacker!" ;) kidding. :) thank you for everything else that you did, including cooking the garlic butter sauce...i didn't even have time to think about that w/ everything else. you don't understand how sincerely thankful i am that you, ambyr, & everyone else took care of that. & thank you for dressing like a waiter today! hehehe. PERFECT. :)

+ steven debulgado:

-________- steven -________- michael. thanks for singing OUT LOUD tonight & embarrassing me in front of all the neighbors. i had to apologize to everyone & pretend that i didn't know you. -_________- (what did i say about singing in public??? you're not at home, silly...) anyways, thank you so much for making the desserts for tonight. everyone really liked them. :)))) & thank you so much for making the menu on the spot! regardless of what you say or think, i really liked them. :) you're amazing..thank you! :)

+ ambyr peacock:

my dear suelynn. :))))) we've already said this so many times to each other, but i am seriously SO happy w/ tonight. :)) i'm super happy, not only cause it was a lot of fun & the parents were happy :), but bc we proved something today...today i found out that we really can pull off something like that. i wasn't too sure in the beginning, but we proved my mom wrong & we proved ourselves wrong..it's seriously an amazing feeling! my mom wanted to thank you for being so helpful..especially in cleaning the dishes. she really appreciated how you always asked her if there was something else that needed to be cleaned, even though you had already done SO much. she loves you. :) but then again, who can't? ;) & of course, thank you for even coming up w/ the idea for tonight! i had SO much fun. :))) you have good things inside that mind of yours. ;) i love you SO MUCH. :)))

+ amanda zabala:

ITU MANDA. :) thank you so much for everything that you did tonight. :)) thank you for bringing the much-needed martinelli's, for helping serve & prepare the food, & for helping clean up. my mom commented on how helpful you were & how much she appreciated your willingness to help. you sweet thang, you. :) she really wished that she could've said hi to your mom tonight. :( next time, yes?! :)) oh btw, YES you should get a skype. :) it's pretty handy. hehehe. :) i love you, itu! thank you so much for everything! *including looking pretty & just being eye-candy. ;)

+ matt frias:

"machchew!" :) thank you so much for all of your help & everything that you did to contribute to tonight...from prepping the utensils & napkins, to chopping the vegetables, to doing anything & everything that i needed help with. oh! & thank you for starting off the night right by blessing the meal as well. :)) i could tell that the parents enjoyed everything tonight...& we got quite a few compliments. :)) you're amazing, matt. thank you for everything!

*for pictures, see steven, jon min, & andrew lloren's fb. :)

*happy sigh* it's done.

WE DID IT! :)

excitement!

tomorrow's the big day: we're actually hosting a dinner party for our parents! :))) unfortunately, the parent RSVPs weren't as high as we wanted...we're only serving around 13...maybe 11 if amanda's parents don't come. :( but i'm so glad that it's ACTUALLY happening. all of our planning & brainstorming is going to be put into action in just a matter of hours! AH i can't contain my excitement! i love having people over at our house. :))

but along with that, i also love the moments leading up to a big event...all the quality time spent with people planning & preparing. :) suelynn, we've planned, shopped, and driven around town for MANY hours, & they've all been really enjoyable. :)) sometimes frustrating...like w/ the green beans & parmesan cheese (note to the world: go to trader joe's...not stater brothers for fresh parmesan cheese and raspberry vinaigrette), but overall, it's been REALLY fun. :) i'm so glad that we got away with buying the stuff at costco! *wipes sweat off forehead..WHEW! :)

it was really interesting observing all of us tonight in the kitchen during the late hours & realizing that, if we all lived together, that is exactly what life would be like...steven would cook for us (mwahaha.......ambyr & i would......."cook" x]) then we'd all take turns washing, drying, & putting away dishes while shuffling songs on itunes & just talking about life. :) i think that's why i enjoyed campout so much senior year...there were parallels to tonight.

*happy sigh* i am really pleased with life at the moment. thank you God. i thank you & praise you for all of my friends & the times that we can spend together...& that even though some of us are far from each other & sometimes we lose touch, it's WONDERFUL when everyone comes back home. thank You for the opportunity that our families will have to spend time together tomorrow! please, Father, let our dinner party honor & glorify You. may we make You proud of us. :)
i love You, Daddy. :)

*ps. please be with sanga who's on the other side of the world with her family & can't join us tomorrow. please keep her safe, bless her family, & remind her that her "family" at home misses her & loves her. :)

goodnight world!
need to wake up early tomorrow to clean house! :)

something happy. :)

went snowboarding today! for the first time in YEARS. left really late, but still had fun in the end. :)
thank you jon min for being patient with me. you're amazing!
good job steven! didn't do as bad as we thought you'd do. ;)
jj, you did really well, as always. i'm proud of you, bro. :)
caitlin: sorry that we didn't get to board for as long as we wanted. :(( i hope you still had fun though.
the rest of the debulgado boys/men: hope you guys had fun today! good job to all of you. :)

something that i've really learned to appreciate is the way that my mom always has food ready for my friends & i when we come back from an event. it's so comforting. my mom's amazing. :)

tomorrow is prep for the dinner party for our parents. we're gonna start cooking food, setting up tables, arranging decorations, putting together utensil placements...i am so excited! :)

happiness feels so good. :)

not again.

every time i come here to write, i haven't been happy.
i was just about to write another entry...
yet again about something that's eating at me.

but i want to choose not to focus on that. :)
for several reasons:
1) it's christmas.
2) it's been way too long.
3) i deserve to be happy.
bottom line: the only one in this whole situation that's hurting is me. everyone else is doing fine, but i'm not fully letting go, so i'm the only one being hurt. that's pretty ridiculous huh? i thought so too. :)



God,

please, fill that spot in my heart until it's ready. let Your love consume me so that i won't even crave it, so that i won't even need it. please, remind me that Your love is just enough for me & that Your timing is ALWAYS perfect. let me not show mistrust in You. remind me of what heiba said..that these things come to distract me from the love that's already being shown all around me, making me not fully appreciate it & miss out on the beauty of it. satan knows my weaknesses & knows how to get to me. i don't want him to win, Daddy. please surround me. i give it up to You.

thank you for this holiday season & for the family & friends that i've been able to spend it with, and am still spending it with. as i write, i'm in the comforts of auntie angie's house, a home that i always look forward to. i'm surrounded by people that deeply care about me. & i know that all of these people's love combined & multiplied by 1020394817029384 doesn't even compare with the love that You have for me, which is totally incomprehensible. You're amazing. straight up amazing. let me not lose sight of that.

thanks Daddy.
i love you. :)
merry christmas. :)

jumbled.

i can't figure myself out. i'm sorry, idk why i still feel this way. ik that i'm hurting you...
i just...ugh. idk. i racked my brain tonight trying to figure out why. it honestly doesn't make sense...& it's not like me. but i am...& it is...

i'm so sorry..
please be patient w/ me.
maybe one day it'll be better.

[don't] rock the boat.

just when life was figured out,
curveballs were thrown at me.
just when i was content/satisfied/happy again,
something just had to rain on my parade.
i was almost expecting it,
but i really hoped that it wouldn't happen.
oh well.
at least i called it.

//

uncle jose,
the church was filled with tears on friday at your memorial service. i, too, found myself crying a lot. i wasn't super close to you, but my family means a lot to me. your death left them in a LOT of pain...i don't think you understand how much. auntie myrtle hasn't eaten in the two weeks since you died. your 8-year-old pride and joy has no father to guide him. i saw the numerous pictures of you two...you & jordan, i mean. you must have loved him a lot. i could see it in the pictures. he loved you a lot too. he still does. it's going to take him & auntie myrtle a long time to learn how to cope.

it was very strange seeing a picture of your face on the memorial service program, more like surreal. i'm used to seeing you attend memorial services, not be the cause of them. & it almost made me sick to my stomach when i saw your body in the casket. that sight confirmed everything..the fact that you truly are gone. that your life has ended. *sigh* you were so young, uncle jose...only 48. jordan needs a father. auntie myrtle needs a husband. i can't even imagine all the pain that she's dealing with. it's not like it was a divorce where she stopped loving you and you went away. she loved you so much and you were taken away from her...the both of you were celebrating your wedding anniversary in hawaii, in fact, along with jordan & oma. your leaving her was so unexpected...she wasn't prepared. this has hit her so hard.

uncle jose, it was so hard to see my family hurt so much. i know that your side of the family was in a lot of pain as well. i cried when i heard your mom wail and cry over your body after everyone had left, & i saw your brothers cry as well. but you really made an impact my family when you were here with us. opungs, aunties & uncles, cousins, nephews & nieces on my side of the family said beautiful things about you at the service. it almost seemed like my side of the family was more sad than yours. i know that that isn't true at all, but i say that to make a point as to how much my side of the family loved you. you really made a big impression on my family. they really miss you.

my whole family is praying for Jesus to come soon so that they can see you again. they're longing with all of their hearts for that day. i am too...i want my family to stop hurting...& i want to get to you know you better. i'm thankful that we'll have plenty of time for that. :) i can't wait for it. i want to hear all about your trips with auntie myrtle & jordan, all of the good times that we've all had together, and of course, all of the cars that you've repaired. ;)

rest in peace, uncle jose.
until Jesus comes.
you are greatly loved and missed.