Monday, November 30, 2009

hahahaha. :)

*from an email from LSU:


Researchers at Loma Linda University confirmed Harvard University research that found that laughter has the following beneficial effects on the human body:
1. "T-cells" are increased, allowing you to combat infection better. The nervous system and endocrine system are directly related to the immune system, hence, they all benefit. Continued humor usage contributes to a strengthened immune system and helps fight off future illnesses.
2. Lowering of blood pressure.
3. Decrease in sed rate, indicating a reversal of the inflammatory process.
4. Pain reduction in muscles. Laughter exercises the muscles in the diaphragm, abdomen, respiratory system, face, arms and back. Think of it as a mini-aerobic session.
5. Good for the digestive system. Perhaps it's best to play out the reversal of that. Think about how your stomach and intestines react when you are stressed, nervous or angry. Enough said.
6. Increases energy.
7. Reduces the need for prescription drugs, especially anti-depressants.
8. Reduces anger and anxiety. You feel empowered , more in control of your emotions, it "lightens" the environment around you and increases productivity. Helpful in the workplace and at home.
9. Improves self-esteem dramatically and promotes a more positive outlook.
10. Enhances the ability to learn and retain that learning. Good news for anyone.
11. Allows for a more restful sleep and a brighter outlook upon awakening.
12. Frequent laughter has a cleansing effect on the body, similar to deep breathing.

http://www.byregion.net/articles-healers/humorhealing.html

Sunday, November 29, 2009

new directions.

i can't even BEGIN to tell you what today was like. if i had to give you a quick summary, i'd have to say it was something like...pure inspiration, Divine intervention, & purpose. God totally planned my day out, i have no doubt. it's probably because of my new prayer:
"God, in all that I do today, I want to honor You.
I want to integrate You into everything:
my thoughts, my walk, the way that I talk to people,
the pictures that I take, everything.
I want all of it to honor and glorify You."

and thus,
today.
incident #1: an encounter with Harvey Lee.
incident #2: CNN heroes // new directions.

i've been praying for some sort of direction, and i think God gave it to me today. i think i want to go into the medical field. it's something that i was avoiding, quite honestly. i don't like all the schooling. it seems too hard & too long. i'd have to take a bunch of science & math classes that i loathe. medical students have no lives. they're just constantly studying. and all those MCATs, boards, & whatnot...months of studying & so much to know. SO STRESSFUL. i'm an easily stressed out person.

so while at the gym tonight, i was watching CNN heroes on the TV. i've been waiting for it to air and was pleasantly surprised that i happened to go to the gym the day and time that it was showing. while watching, i couldn't help but notice the camera angles and all of the editing that they did. i was so interested in how they filmed each person's story and how they compiled everything together...snapshots of the featured person's life and work place, the interviews of the people that they helped, just everything. i was so into it.
the plaque that they gave everyone also caught my attention...the material that was used, the font, the size of the text, the placement of the text, what words were chosen to be on the plaque..

as i was running on the treadmill, it struck me that not many people think about the people that helped to make the show...more specifically the camera crew and the designers of the plaque. i thought about how amazing it must've been to go to all parts of the world to film these people, their work, and the people's lives that they've touched. there were heroes from zimbabwe, NY, iraq, new orleans...all over the place! i was imagining how rewarding it must have been for the camera crew to meet and interact with those people and catch it all on camera.

it made me realize that they were producing something that would cause thousands of people to be inspired. there were hundreds of people at the awards ceremony and it was being televised across the country, so hundreds more people would see it. the camera was being used as a means to share something good with the world. i was thinking that television has become so corrupt. there's either a lot of trash or the news is telling depressing stories. but this show, CNN heroes, brought hope that there's still good left in the world. and it couldn't have been done with cameras.

that train of thought led me to think that God can use my camera to do something good. i've been noticing that it feels like i've been going full throttle with photography and editing and such. i'm actually kind of surprised at how much i've been pursuing it. i mean, i know that i loved it a while ago, but it's been becoming...part of me. i don't quite know how to explain it, but life has become one huge photo op. every time i look at something, i don't look at it as what it is. i see it has a photo spot. the other day i was at UCI and while walking around campus, all these different photo spots were literally SCREAMING out at me. i was so sad cause we had to move fast and i wasn't able to take as many pictures as i wanted. and then a few days ago, i was looking at the costco cookbook that they give out for free every year. i wasn't looking at the recipes. i was looking at the pictures and was paying attention to every single detail that made that picture...the placement of the food, the different utensils used, the colors of the utensils and dishes, the use or absence of placemats, which direction the lighting came from, you get the picture. and yesterday while driving home from church, i took notice of how wonderful the lighting was at this certain place, so my brother and i went home to change, then we drove back to the place so that i could have a quick photoshoot before the sun set.

i'm not kidding, photography has become my LIFE. i never knew what a passion was until recently. photography is my PASSION. and it's weird, cause it almost feels like...it's not me that's taking or editing the pictures and pursuing this full-speed. it feels like Someone Else is. like...He's somehow preparing me to use my skills/passion for something for Him. that's honestly what it feels like. and i know that that sounds crazy and you probably won't believe me, but i'm speaking the honest-to-goodness truth. it feels like God is going to use my photography for His purpose. and i'm really happy about that because that's what i started praying last week. i've started to pray before my photoshoots. i pray that my pictures will glorify God and that they will bring honor to Him. and now, it just feels like...idk. it's just not me that's taking or editing the pictures. it feels like He is. i'm just the means as to how the finished product comes out.

i had a conversation with my friend a few weeks ago and something that he said has been ringing in my head. he said that the medical field is an amazing opportunity for ministry. there're medical mission trips to go and help people. and in the health field, you sort of "heal" people, and that opens up doorways to share Jesus. people wonder how you can do that. it starts conversations and presents opportunities to share your faith. (i suppose there are a lot of jobs not in healthcare that can do that, but just humor me.)

that got me to thinking that if i went into healthcare, that would give me an opportunity to go on a medical mission trip. and after watching Patch Adams and tonight's CNN heroes, i realize that sick people just need something to make them smile. they need hope. they need distractions from their sickness. they need to be happy.

enter Keeka, my camera. pictures make people smile. photoshoots distract from bad things. have you ever taken a picture of a little kid and showed it to them? they'll immediately say "take more, take more! take a picture of me doing this!" then right after you snap the picture, they'll run up to you, anxious to see the finished product. pictures not only capture smiles, they create smiles. it's kind of a crazy plan, & who knows it might not work out, but this is just me thinking: if i ever went on a medical mission trip, i would bring my camera to take pictures of the patients. i would use photography as a means to allow them to stop thinking about their illness for a while and just enjoy life for a few moments again.

i've been praying so long for direction, for God to somehow hint at what He wants me to do.
then that prayer got revised into "God, show me how I can most glorify You with my life and my occupation. How can I best serve you?"

I think He's slowly revealing that to me.
and it's the most amazing feeling in the world.
:))))

"aim high and glorify God in all that you do."
-mom.

oh, life.

haven't updated in a while.
mostly because i've been too busy.
but partly bc i don't want to.
i feel like every time i come on blogspot,
i'm venting about something.

i guess, not all the time actually.
but every time i think about coming on blogspot,
it's to vent.

& i don't like that.
i don't want to write only when i'm upset.
but idk.
i don't really feel like writing when i'm happy.

actually...no, that's not true either.
i do feel like writing when i'm happy.
i guess i just...choose not to.

ah i'm rambling.
but it's partly bc i don't want to talk about what i'm upset about. =/

maybe i just won't.
maybe i can just leave it at this.
...
hmmm.
we'll see how this works out.

but let's end on a positive note, shall we?

*i LOVE photoshop. :)
i'm learning to do so many things...
& i still have so much more to learn.
that's an exciting prospect, no? :))

Saturday, October 31, 2009

just write it out.

i don't like weepy-eyed desperate sounding things that get into my head.
but these past few days, they're all that have been coming out.

to ______, ______, & ______.
do i really not matter to you anymore? cause that's how i've been treated. i've put in the effort & i've gotten zero response. zero. okay, maybe .5. this hurts more than you know. & that's what makes it worse. you don't & won't know.
did you know that i cried over you the other night? i had a 45 min. conversation on the phone w/ my mom. she had to comfort me while i weeped my eyes out. but nope. you have no idea.
& what happened to all our talks this summer? were those in vain? am i not important to you anymore?

i'm so tired of feeling like this.
this past week has been so emotionally draining.
just ask heiba. she's had to listen to me vent to her on more than several occasions.
i freakin' hate it.
GET ME OUT OF THIS.
or change me so that i won't care anymore.

i was telling moshi & 'bang tonight that i'm becoming the person that i never thought i'd be: afraid to love/be loved again.
this past week has been SO HARD.
you have no idea.
it's hurt me in a way that i didn't think was possible.
i never ever thought i'd say this,
but i'm scared to be cared for.
& i'm scared to care again.

bc you might go away just like they did.
& i never want to experience this hurt again.
so _______, please don't take this personally, but if it seems that i'm distant, it's because i'm scared that you care about me so much. i'm afraid that we'll become such good friends, i'll put so much into our friendship, & then you'll go away & i'll feel the way that i'm feeling right now.
i am NOT down for that.
not. at. all.

i'm scared of daily "goodnight" txts.
i'm scared of hugs.
i'm scared of quality time that will bring us so much closer.
i'm scared of letting my heart go again.
bc i did once & it came back to haunt me.

i hate crying.
i'm really tired of it.
& i feel so stupid for doing it so many times this week.

stop it, ashlee.
stop it.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

paper.

excuse typos or flaws that you find. i was pressed for time. =/

but you get the gist of it. :)


Ashlee Sumilat

ENGL 111-3

Narrative Final Draft

9 October 2009

Breathtaking scenery? Check. Best friends? Check. Sleepy eyes? Three times check. A few of my best friends and I are sitting in a circle underneath a large, white wooden cross atop one of Mt. Rubidoux’s peaks admiring the city from a different perspective and soaking in the beautiful sight. The morning sun is just rising, waking up the wildlife of Riverside, California on this balmy early-June morning. Moments earlier, the sky was fairly dark and all of the local building lights and city lights were on, transforming the scene before us from a typical, ordinary city to a beautiful black canvas dotted with different-colored glistening jewels. I’m completely captivated by it. But it was no easy trip coming up here to see this. I personally woke up at 4 o’clock this morning since we were supposed to meet at my friend’s house around 4:30 or so, making my slumber a grand total of three hours, maybe even a little less. My friends are suffering from the same amount of shut-eye, or, rather, lack thereof. We had to rush to get here because we wanted to beat the sun before it rose, and we left later than planned. The hike up wasn’t particularly enjoyable either. All of us took the shortcut, meaning that we scaled the mountain, opposed to walking up the paved path, and most of us were short of breath trying to make it to the top in time. But we’re here now, and this beautiful scene is our reward. Today is the day that we leave high school behind and we’ve chosen to celebrate it with each other in this way.


To an outsider, my group of friends and I may seem like any other high school bunch of teenagers that eat lunch together everyday and hang out on the weekends every now and then, but we are much more than that. Throughout this past year, we’ve shared our hearts and thoughts with each other while grabbing food from Ricebox or Maki Yaki, two of our favorite regulars. We’ve shared many similar interests and hobbies such as photography, volleyball, and music. There have been many times when we’ve casually gone places not expecting much--“Hey, wanna go to Yogurtlicious? Or the Mins’ house?”--and for hours spent time together, laughing and creating numerous inside jokes, establishing that event as the highlight of the week. When the good times came, we celebrated together, and when bad times rolled around, we prayed for each other until they passed. Our parents knew each person on a name-to-name basis and weren’t surprised when their house was suddenly and spontaneously filled with six or seven teenagers walking through the door saying, “Hi Auntie! Hi Uncle!” These people that I spent so much time with this year are very near and dear to my heart.


While trekking the hills behind Hulda Crooks Park in Loma Linda during one of our regular early-Sabbath-morning hikes, one of my friends suggested that we as a group get together a breakfast picnic basket during graduation weekend, climb Mt. Rubidoux, and watch the sunrise. That was several months ago, or perhaps just one month ago (I honestly can’t remember). I was skeptical as to whether or not my friend’s plan would actually come through, but here we are (most of our group anyway), graduation day, sitting on a few boulders at the top of Mt. Rubidoux watching the sunrise together. The only thing that’s missing is the breakfast picnic basket.


We all enjoy the peaceful atmosphere for a few minutes before one of my friends speaks up. He suggests that we go around the circle one-by-one and “share our troubles with each other.” With a unanimous agreement, he starts it off by talking about a few things that have been on his mind recently and then goes on to the next person.


I sit and listen to the prayer requests of my friends as they talk. Their requests range from a variety of different subjects, such as family problems and spiritual concerns, but most of them are, understandably and not surprisingly, about college: fears and anticipations, financial concerns, and the like. For so long we’ve thought and talked about college, but today legitimatizes the fact that it is indeed a reality approaching soon.


One of my friend’s “testimony” of sorts is filled with tears as he reminisces about how unhappy he was at the high school attended last year and how incredibly happy coming back to our school for senior year made him. He shares how appreciative he is of our friend group and how we are more like family to him than anything else. His sentiment is heart-warming and makes me misty-eyed. This is the first time I’ve seen him cry in a while, and the fact that he chose to let down his guards and truly be himself for a few minutes created a sense of intimacy and bonding between all of us.


The circle comes to me and it’s my turn to share. My concern/prayer request, too, is about college, but it’s different from everyone else’s. See, all of them, or at least 90 percent of them, are going to the same college. I am one of the few that is not. Originally, I was supposed to go to Pacific Union College with them, but things changed last-minute, so my college plans had to accommodate that change. So I share how upset I am about not being able to be up there with all of them. Missing out on all the inside jokes, being left out of certain experiences and memories, and even something small like not being able to complain about the same teachers is not an inviting prospect to me. With hesitance, I acknowledge the fact that things won’t be the same when we all leave for college, and I truthfully say how much that hurts, especially since I became so close to all of them just this year, so I ask for their prayers of comfort.


The last person shares the things on his mind and heart, and we decide to go around the circle one-by-one and pray for the specific prayer request of the person on our left. Someone is assigned to start and another to end, then we all bow our heads and dedicate each other to God. As we’re all sitting in this circle, fearing the uncertain future together, I can’t help but liken us to an army or a group of soldiers bracing and preparing ourselves for war. A bit overdramatic, I know, but in this moment, we’re recognizing all of the different challenges that we’ll face in the coming year, whether they be academic, spiritual, emotional, or social, and we’re choosing sharing it with each other and with God. The sacredness of the moment gives me chills.


We finish praying and give each other huge hugs while laughing a bit and wiping a few tears from each other’s eyes. One of my friends sets up his tripod and puts his camera on timer before pressing the shutter button and rushing to his designated spot. The camera beeps slowly for a few seconds then a few times rapidly before going off, photographing all of us in our positions. I ask to see the picture on the screen after my friend dismounts his camera from the tripod. He shows it to me and I stare at it, being fully appreciative of the fact that such a contraption exists to help capture what just took place under cross today. I think of the saying “A picture speaks a thousand words” and I can’t agree more. This photograph speaks of a year’s worth of laughter, an hour’s worth of memories, and a lifetime of friendships. They are ones to cherish.

Friday, September 18, 2009

post-ignite.

currently at home after a few days at LSU for ignite.

LSU in a nutshell:
_the longer i'm at LSU, the more i'm convinced that this is where God needed me to be.
_i actually know more people here than i thought i would. made even more friends. social life is good. :)
_need to grab a few more things for the dorm.
_dorm room + room mate = blessings from God. :)
_need to find out where my classes are. =/
_chivalrous guys DO exist.
_family groups = :)
_something said at one of the workshops yesterday:
view life like a race. run towards the things that you value, the things that you hold dear and are important to you. then look around you to see who's running toward the same thing. chances are, that person is the best match for you.

think-notes:
_be more careful.
_"wait on the Lord."
_"pray ashlee and breathe thats what i do when i feel the tension rising" -ML
_think before you speak.

Friday, September 11, 2009

party of pizzas. :)

hey suelynn,
i tried leaving you a comment on your blog,
but it wouldn't let me.
so i was gonna say that i'm gonna miss this too.
being here w/ everyone.
making food together. :)
hearing each other's stupid comments
& contagious laughs.
i seriously love you guys.

john just said:
"in 4 days..."

*sigh*

& sanga,
you just got back.
i don't want to you to leave already!
you JUST got back. :(((
i'm seriously so sad about that.
you don't even know. :(

i'm suffering from a serious case of
a mix happy/sad emotions right now.

there's a million things running through my mind.
but since blogspot is a public thing,
i won't put my personal thoughts up here.
i'll have to keep them to myself for now.

maybe i'll be able to talk to one of my 5's soon?
we'll see.


*sigh*
i'm so confused.